Is there something that you do or some way that you function that could use some improvement? Are there personality characteristics you wish that you could (or would) change about yourself, yet when confronted with them, you make the same ole decisions? It has happened to me. Thankfully, I have a mate who is willing and able to help; all I have to do is ask.
For example, as I write this blog in the wee hours of the morning, I’m wishing yet again that I would get myself on a better sleep schedule. Every day, I think to myself, “It sure would be nice if I got to bed earlier tonight than usual.” I dream of an 11:00 PM bedtime – and the extra restfulness and energy that come with the extra sleep. But I find ways to distract myself in the evenings, and before I realize it, the clock says it’s 1:00 AM.
Clearly, despite wishing and hoping that I would change this about myself, I’m not making much progress. So, to address this issue, I can say to my mate, “Would you give me a gentle reminder at or near 11:00 to get my butt in the bed?” She’ll do her best to accommodate. Sometimes she does it; other times she forgets. But I can tell you from past experience that when I have had her support on similar issues, I have netted better results.
Teamwork makes implementing personal growth easier, and you can make the effort fun, playful and enjoyable together (just like having a work-out buddy). It is a beautiful thing when we create relationships/agreements with our partners that can help us make desirable changes – in other words, when we allow them to help us be the people we want to be.
Of course, a very important part of this equation is that I ask my mate for her help in these situations. If she decided for me that I needed more sleep and took it upon herself to tell me to go to bed at 11:00, I would not feel supported, nor would I appreciate her help. I would feel that she was treating me like one of our children. Few adults want to be given a bedtime. I also don’t want her to nag or get angry with me when I choose to stay up late anyway. I’m only asking her for a gentle reminder.
On the other hand, when you are the one asking for support, don’t make it the other person’s responsibility or pass the blame if you miss your mark/deadline, even if your partner says he/she will remind you and doesn’t. Changing your behavior is your responsibility. You are asking your partner for help, not to be parented.
So, if you’re struggling to meet some personal goal, consider asking your mate for back up. It’s as easy as saying, “Dear, if I am not noticeably moving towards my goal of eating more fruit each day, would you check in and remind me of my commitment to myself?” It will not only strengthen your ability to meet your individual goal, but it could also strengthen your ability to work together as a team.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
…and please do not multi-task when driving.
6 comments
Georgeann Lewis
January 21, 2011 at 3:28 PM
Respecting your partners goals and aspirations and suppporting they work towards them. Growing together and being honest as the process evovles. Evolution is inevitable.
Sabrina Yan
January 22, 2011 at 7:21 PM
Human being is not perfect. That’s why i believe spouse is there for us to balance up or overcome our shortfall. We learn each other to become better person. Still learning from my spouse!
Boyd Lemon
January 22, 2011 at 7:32 PM
It seems to me that is an important part of any close relationship, each of you benefiting as a human being from the qualities of the other person. If you’re not working on that, you’re missing out on something important.
Amenika
January 23, 2011 at 3:02 AM
A man’s perspective is so important; especially when that perspective comes from a man in a healthy relationship. Nurturing your mate and allowing yourself to be nurtured happens on so many levels and is key to a strong, committed union. (Love Your blog!!)
Fancy Nancy Queen
January 23, 2011 at 6:44 PM
So true especially making sure that you are putting as much as you can into the relationship especially if you have a history of many many others or sponging off of them is really important.
Normajean Price
January 24, 2011 at 1:00 AM
My late Husband was wonderful at helping me learn “timekeeping”. I’d get so involved in my shows that I’d lose track of time. So, Ringmaster Tom, would come in and explain that I hadn’t fed the elephants and they were hungry. That force my to understand my timing without making me feel “stupid”. For the most part, he was very good at helping me see my faults clearly but without embarrassment so that I felt good about changing them