It’s amazing how a smile and a little acknowledgement can make a beautiful woman even more mesmerizing. Yesterday, I was sitting with some buddies at a sidewalk café/bar, discussing our lives and the issues of the day. Next door to the hole-in-the-wall we were patronizing was a new, chic martini lounge, where beautiful women were entering and exiting in their best outfits, strutting about as though they were on the red carpet. Occasionally, one of us would say “hello” – and no one acknowledged us, not even with a glance. But as Chris Rock has noted, men grow up being rejected. We are used to it. So, no one was surprised (or bothered) by being ignored. In fact, it wasn’t even worth discussing … until the strangest thing happened.
Later that night, a gorgeous woman passed us, and with a radiant smile on her face, said “hello.” Every guy at the table lit up. Someone asked, “Did she speak?” Another friend said, “Wow, she was pleasant.” And another added, “That is a woman who has had good experiences with men.” I said, “If she walks in here, her first drink is on me.” Though she was a good-looking woman, it was her inner beauty that made her worth talking about.
She walked right past our bar but returned about 10 minutes later. I stopped her, introduced myself, and said, “Do you know that everyone at this table appreciated you smiling and speaking to us as you walked by?” She laughed and explained that she had just left a cadre of pretentious people who were driving her crazy, so we were a breath of fresh air to her as well. I asked if I could take her picture and introduce her to my readers for making such a difference in my evening. She said, “Sure.”
Folks, it pleases me to introduce you to Yasmin. With a warm smile and a friendly “hello,” she made admirers out of a bunch of strangers.
Generally speaking, people like to be acknowledged. If you are wondering how to get a man, or simply how to brighten someone’s day, follow Yasmin’s lead. Put on a great smile and speak to people as you pass them by. You might just meet a great guy, one who appreciates a pleasant, kind and unpretentious woman (and I think it’s safe to say that most of us do). And even if you don’t score a hot date out of it, you might make a great guy’s day. Or you may even meet a crazy dude who wants to share your picture and sing your praises in his next blog.
Already got a man (or a woman, for that matter)? A little acknowledgment also goes a long way in romantic relationships. I don’t mean acknowledgement as in, “Oh good, you’re home. Could you take out the trash?” Instead, greet him with a warm smile when he comes in the door, rather than shouting “hello” from the other room. Or, the next time she walks by, look away from the TV and shoot her a smile that lets her know you appreciate how good she looks in her jammies.
Acknowledging other people and making them feel valuable will assuredly make you a Powerful Person in a Partnership.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
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14 comments
Misti Burmeister
June 21, 2011 at 2:36 PM
This blog post ROCKS! Thank you for acknowledging such an awesome woman!
Yvonne
June 21, 2011 at 3:36 PM
That was good. I enjoyed reading that…I’ve had the same reaction from men and its always turned into a good laugh and a fun conversation. Nice of her to let you take her picture.
Surama
June 23, 2011 at 10:19 AM
Greetings Frank,
I enjoyed this blog post! I have recently been back on my smile practice! Which is exactly what lovely Yasmin is/was doing the night you met and I have had the same results. Soooo much positive feed back. From horn toots to hoots guys will stop their cars and get out to walk with you just for a smile. Its the most wonderful and awesome thing. I have taken friends on smile walks where I send them ahead of me to walk and smile at everyone they see. (cute or not) and follow them to see the reactions. Its amazing how many guys or potential dates will approach you just to say how beautiful you look with a smile. For sisters who aren’t sure check out Surrendered Singles, a book by Laura Doyle. It might help. and Thanks again Frank! Loved It!!!
Martha
June 24, 2011 at 12:59 AM
As they say, smiling and laughing is good for the body and soul…Great Story!
It’s so much easier to be pleasant.
Thanks Yasmin!
Beverly Baskin
June 24, 2011 at 9:20 AM
Sometimes we are either stuck with a client or in our own personal lives I find your blog refreshing and your views on relationships things that I can pass on to my clients that are some things to think about. They free peopel up. Thanks!
The Silverback
June 24, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Here’s a Man’s perspective. Disclaimer to the ladies: no disrespect, but we all know the types that frequent bars. The first thing I noticed was the environment Bar, hole in the wall… One must first understand the environment. It’s a bar, Frank and let’s not kid ourselves-depending on the hour, we know why we came to the bar. As an original Silverback, and if there are any others on the blog, you know exactly how it works. She walked past you guys twice to let you know that she, not you guys wanted “recognition”. It doesn’t matter whether she smiled or not…Most people there are on a mercenary mission and if that is your M.O., that’s fine. But Frank, relationship building and having an expectation of acknowlegement in a bar are two different things. Yes, smiling and laughing are Great! Attitude in any situation is 95%. But as a man, smile or not, our mercenary abilities set the tone, not whether a woman in a bar smiles or not. I think your sensitivity meter is set to high on this topic Frank. Again, we are in a bar, not church, library, grocery store…you get the point. I am not ready to worship A possible Barfly- to me that would be just as wrong as the advice given in this blog…Try again Frank. I trust you will get it..eventually.
Caroline Lelo
June 29, 2011 at 2:54 PM
A smile always makes a person’s day and I learnt that one can be happy because they smile not necessarily smile because they are happy.
Mathina Calliope
June 30, 2011 at 8:54 AM
Yay, Yasmin! I COMPLETELY agree with her attitude, and I appreciate y’all’s appreciation of it!!
As women, we see books out there like “Why Men Love Bitches,” and we are often told to “be cool,” –and I myself endorse being cool in dating situations. But how we interpret “being cool” matters a lot! So many of us get it twisted. Cool means confident; it doesn’t mean arrogant or aloof. Truly insecure women will telegraph bitchiness when they try to be cool.
In defense of the bitchiness stance, though, we do, unfortunately, sometimes receive unwelcome (disrespectful rather than truly appreciative) attention, which it is appropriate to deflect by ignoring. Women who get enough of that get into the habit of filtering out all male attention.
But we all enjoy looking good when we go out, and if we’re happy and confident, we appreciate when it’s noticed. I love to smile and thank random strangers when they compliment me on the street because they tend to react just like you and your friends did—they’re so surprised and delighted that it makes me happy. That’s gotta be good karma, no? They saw me, they liked what they saw, they let me know. That feels good! Women who don’t get or feel that are missing out on a great part of the human connection.
gwen
June 30, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Are we doing so bad that if a woman opens her mouth and can manage a hello and squeeze out a smile that she is looked at as a super woman – that is so, so, so sad!!!! I speak and smile and say hello to everyone who meets my gaze, especially a black man. The thought ought to be why not – brothers check your behavior and your expectations of us.
Charmaine Mills
July 12, 2011 at 12:18 AM
Great article Frank! You can melt ice with a smile 🙂
Calliope Terpsichore
July 18, 2011 at 4:28 PM
Mujeres, we know that how we respond to the once-over is not such a simple matter.
Remember your first time? The first “hey, baby?” the first honked horn? the first whistle? My friend T remembers hers; she was twelve or thirteen, waiting for the bus by the side of the road with a girlfriend. A truck drove past and gave an appreciative toot, which, had her girlfriend not been with her, T might not even have recognized as such (it clearly wasn’t her girlfriend’s first). T can’t remember her girlfriend’s reaction, but her own was mixed. She’d been raised to think such attention was disrespectful, so it seemed like she should feel angry or violated. Instead, though, she felt grown up and attractive.
A year or so later, however, T worked in a restaurant where she was the daily target of aggressive attention—harassment—from some of her co-workers. That didn’t feel so good. The lascivious rake of eyes down her body made her feel dirty. She endured it because it literally did not occur to her to challenge or report it, and for years, the experience influenced how she felt about ALL attention from unfamiliar men—it all became unwelcome. Later, when T was in her early twenties and driving in a suburban neighborhood, a landscaping truck pulled up alongside her, and its occupants leaned out the window, laughing and shouting catcalls at her. She and the truck pulled up to a light and as they continued this abuse she sat furiously, impotently, gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead, growing angrier and feeling more humiliated by the moment. What could she do? What could she possibly do? As the light changed, her anger overtook her fear and she turned to the men and screamed, at the point of tears, “FUCK YOU!” but they just laughed and drove off. She spent the rest of the day trembling with anger at her powerlessness in the situation.
Many women have had experiences like T’s at some point or another; it’s one of the reasons Yasmin’s warm response to Frank and his friends is an exception rather than the rule.
This is a shame, because the interaction between Yasmin and Frank’s friends added to the balance of happiness in the world, and subtracted some of the misery.
Recently, T took a work trip to Seattle, where the dress code is significantly more casual than D.C.’s At the office, every day was casual Friday, and on the street, pearls and heels were scarce as condoms at a monastery. But, coming from D.C. and loving to dress up, T did wear pearls and heels … and the street took note. At an intersection where she had the light, T stepped off the curb to cross, but paused when she saw a car starting to turn onto her street. From across the street a man called out, “Don’t worry baby, you got traffic stopping for you!” The car was stopping; he was right. The man was a little wavery on his feet and didn’t seem to have awakened anywhere with running water that morning, but T strode toward him with a huge smile on her face. They made eye contact and she said, “Thank you,” before continuing on toward the office. His smile matched hers.
Clearly, there’s a HUGE difference between T’s Seattle interaction last month and her adolescent encounters. She explains: “As I matured, I realized that not all men are pigs. I learned to distinguish between happy appreciation and denigrating attention. If a guy says something nice to me on the street, I think it’s safe to infer that something about the way I look has given him some pleasure. Since I put effort into how I look, it gives me pleasure to have that recognized. Win-win!”
Unfortunately, I think many interactions among adults—bar setting, street setting—are closer to T’s first encounters with men. There are men who engage women with sinister intention, and there are women who ward off men out of an inflated sense of their own fabulousness (and/or suspicion about the men’s intentions).
But the man who complimented T on the street in Seattle was only after a smile, and Frank and his friends were simply watching women and tossing out the occasional “hello.”
Two tiny interactions of no more than 60 seconds, but they gave a number of people a nice little boost for their day.
Walking back to the hotel after work that day in Seattle, T passed a teenage girl, smoking a cigarette and sitting on the sidewalk outside the Union Mission. She sized T up from half a block away and as T approached, the girl nodded and called out.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi!” T said, friendly but not breaking her stride.
The girl nodded approval. “You look good,” she said.
“Thanks!”
I think Yasmin did the right thing by greeting Frank and his friends. But as one of Frank’s friends observed, “That is a woman who has had good experiences with men.” Not all women have, and so not all women can smile so effortlessly.
Women, how do you react when men appreciate you on the street? Guys, how do you show your appreciation for women you don’t know?
James
September 13, 2011 at 2:50 PM
FRANK:
Thanks for the article; very enlightening however, Calliope has some very real & valid arguments in her post. As a black man, I’ve seen & done some of the things that other men have done thus, that’s why “T” cussed those guys out at the red light. Women are NOT PIECES OF MEAT that we men can just prepare, cook & serve up to each other. Some,(not all)women here on my job are mostly single, unhappy, lonely, bitter, and unapproving of a simple smile, compliment, and/or greeting from a man. Not to say that all women are that way however, I think it all boils down to SELF AND SELF-CHOICES. Sure I like booty,titties,lips,and hips on a black woman (I’m not racist or prejudiced; I just like to stay with my race of woman (BLACK). I see women of all shapes & sizes everyday here at the hospital where I work however, that’s not what makes a woman WHOLE; ESPECIALLY A BLACK WOMAN. What about her mind, personality, spirit, 5 senses, feelings, thoughts, opinions, ideas, personal goals, and so on, and on, and on, and on??????
***[HEAR with your ears and LISTEN with your heart fella’s; it’ll keep down a lot of drama, mistrust, accusations, and all other negatives between men & women; especially in social circles, on the job, and in relationships/marriages]***.
I’m not a guru on relationships/marriage however, women have taught me sooooo much about them; more so than any man could teach me; (not to say that all men can’t teach another about women); only that I watched my daddy put the capital H & O in the word “HOE”…
He taught me what every black male should be taught by their fathers, uncles, and/or other males about being a man however,my daddy ran thru women faster than Carl Lewis in the 100 and, his behaviors with women turned me off dramatically (although I did and still do, get my fair share of female companionship; whether it be conversation, movies, shopping,reading 2gether,washing clothes & cooking 2 gether, watching tv 2gether, dinner, sex, etc. etc. etc.).
I saw too many men (including my daddy); get cut, shot at,locked up,cars wrecked up, clothes cut up, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. over another woman and that made me very cautious.
***[My fair share of female companionship is and has been with only one woman for the last 10 years and I have to say that I’m happy (not 100%, but happy & content) because without COMMUNICATION; the other traits will not take shape in a relationship/marriage]***. . . . .
Some may disagree but, it doesn’t matter what other people may say/think about my post. WHEN I LOOK PAST MY PHYSICAL REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR; THE PERSON BEHIND THE REFLECTION IS KEY.
With age comes wisdom—-with wisdom comes age!!!
Michael Jackson said it all in one sentence: (I’M TALKIN’ BOUT’ THE MAN IN THE MIRROR, MAKE THAT CHANGE!!—I VENTURE TO SAY THAT THIS ALSO APPLIES TO WOMEN AS WELL). . . . .
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