In my previous blog, “Kudos to Kudrow,” we talked about how risk taking depends on the comfort level of the person taking the risk.
We have some big things underway. Frank’s first book, How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship, will be released very soon. We are currently implementing the book’s promotional strategy; and we are excited about getting the book to shelves soon. We are also preparing to go live with our first episode of Frank Relationships, our radio talk show. As we implement these new initiatives, the blogs may taper from the regular Monday at 1pm release schedule. And we will not be producing any more video-blogs in the near future. But not to worry. We are still working to bring our supporters new perspectives on understanding and acceptance in relationships. Look for big things from Frank Love, and tell us what you think as they unfold.
Other people can be the death of your relationship. And I don’t mean your girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend or that cute waitress who always flirts with your man. I mean the people closest to you – the well-meaning, opinionated friends and family members who can systematically tear your relationship apart … if you let them.
Often, the reasons that people choose to leave or stay in relationships are someone else’s – either because we are trying to mimic their relationships, take their advice or live up to their standards. These “other people” are not insignificant, but they are insignificant when deciding what kind of relationship you want to have.
Other Opinions Are Starting Points
This is not to say that you should tell your parents or other loved ones to mind their own business and never give you advice. It’s important to know your history, which includes where you come from and the perspectives of the people you come from. Discuss what they think and how they developed those perspectives and values. There could be useful information there. However, their word is not the gospel. While the person advising you could be 100-percent correct in his/her own case, or even in most cases, the advice may not be 100-percent correct for you at this point in your life.
You Are Responsible for Your Choices
Many years ago, before I developed some of my current relationships philosophies, a friend asked me for advice about his tumultuous marriage. He and his wife fought all the time, and he was very unhappy. Believe it or not, I regurgitated all of the things that had been regurgitated to me over the years: “Marriage is forever. Stay for the kids. You can make it work.” He looked at me like I was crazy and got his divorce. Today, they are both much happier, and I believe he did the right thing – if only because he did what was right for him.
Often we take other people’s advice because doing so seems easier than thinking for ourselves – and, if it doesn’t work out, we can blame someone else, right? Nope. The final decision about which path to take was, and always is, yours. Lawyers and financial advisors provide guidance, but you sign the documents they prepare knowing that it’s your butt on the line. They move on and advise someone else, and your outcome has little effect on them. Your friends and family may be more emotionally invested in how their advice plays out, but make no mistake, the outcome is yours to navigate and the burden is yours to carry.
You Decide What Makes You Happy
If you walk away from this blog with only one bit of truth that you will apply to your life, I want it to be this – you do not need permission to be yourself and to live your life the way you want to live it. Your decisions don’t need to be sanctioned by others. Sure, there are other important players in your show, but you are the director. They may offer good advice, help you work out kinks, and suggest possibilities you haven’t considered, but at the end of the day, the decision is yours, and whether it’s an unpopular one is a secondary concern when you consider what’s at stake – your happiness.
Be who you are and do what you want. If you want two mates, half a mate, a mate you hate, a mate of the same sex, a secret mate or a part-time mate, that’s OK. Do what works best for you and have no shame about enjoying it.
Choosing Your Own Path
Sure, other people may talk about you. Let them. People need something to talk about. And they may talk to you as well – especially if they take offense to your behavior or that of your mate. Well-meaning friends may be quick to tell you what they would or wouldn’t put up with from a partner. But we’re talking about your relationship, not theirs.
Who cares what your friends wouldn’t “put up with”? If something makes you happy, even though it wouldn’t make someone else happy, or if there’s something that doesn’t bother you even though it would bother other people in the same situation, so what? Choosing your own path in life (and love) is Powerful.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
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In my next blog post,“Standards vs. Expectations,” I will talk about the differences between standards and expectations in loving relationships.
