Living intentionally means taking responsibility for every moment, good or bad.
In my previous blog post, “I’m Responsible Because I Picked the Wrong Person,” we talked about how to shatter the illusion of being responsible and really take real ownership of your choices.
One of the most liberating and challenging concepts that I’ve embraced is I am the sole creator of everything in my life. That’s not just a mantra or a motivational soundbite. It’s a rule I choose to live by. And I say “choose” because this mindset requires active engagement. It demands that I pay attention, not just to what’s happening around me, but to how I’m showing up in every situation.
Accountability Give You Power
Why is this way of thinking valuable? Because it keeps me present and awake. It pushes me to step beyond the habit of blaming or excusing and into a space of accountability. When I view myself as the author of every chapter, every twist and turn in my life story, I can no longer point fingers or hide behind circumstances. I get to look honestly at my role in creating my experiences—good, bad, or otherwise.
That’s not always easy. At times it’s downright uncomfortable. There are times when I’ve wanted nothing more than to assign responsibility for my pain or disappointment to someone else. To say, “That was their fault,” or “Life just happened to me.” However, when I do that, I also hand over my power. I give away the pen that writes my life’s story and I let someone else write it for me.
Hindsight Offers Wisdom, Not Regret
Owning my life—every bit of it—is not about guilt or shame. It’s not about self-blame. It’s about choice and empowerment. It’s about asking myself, What could I have done differently? Not in a way that keeps me stuck in the past, but in a way that prepares me for a better future. It’s about using hindsight as a tool for wisdom, not regret.
Every moment offers us feedback. Every experience is a mirror showing us something about ourselves: our beliefs, our fears, our desires, our limits. When we accept full authorship, we begin to review those mirrors with curiosity instead of defensiveness. We start asking ourselves questions like, What was my part in this? or How did my thoughts or actions contribute to this outcome? These aren’t always easy questions, but they are powerful ones.
Be the Creator of Your Life
Responsibility offers power. The kind that doesn’t depend on anyone else. The kind that lives inside of us. If or when we feel powerless, overwhelmed, or like life is happening to us rather than because of us, we are invited to consider a shift. We can decide that we are the sole creators of our experience. If we sit with that, what might change?
We might notice how our thoughts shape our emotions, how our words influence our relationships, and how our choices design our outcomes. We might see opportunities where there once were only obstacles. We might start to rewrite parts of our story we had once accepted as permanent.
Are You Ready to Live Intentionally?
We may still be surprised. But life won’t surprise us. We’ll create our experience. We’ll remain the author. And we get to choose our response. We also get to decide what meaning(s) that we assign to our experiences. And we can determine what the next sentence will be, even when the last one didn’t go as planned.
To live this way is to live intentionally. It’s to live awake. And it’s not for everyone. Some people prefer the comfort of powerlessness, as it elicits outside sympathy and protection. Being responsible can be heavy. But when we are ready, if we’re ready to stop waiting for someone else to rescue or validate or fix us, then the idea, I am the sole author of my life, might just be the key.
Try it on. See how it feels.
We are writing our story. It’s already powerful. Let’s consider the power that we want to demonstrate and inspire in others.
Watch my video I Am the Sole Author of My Life Related to this blog.
Watch Frank Love’s presentation “The Act of Caring.”
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Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.
- Tuesdays – Black Women: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
- Thursdays – Black Men: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
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Frank Love coaches individuals who are in (or wish to be in) a relationship toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.
