Ever have someone put you at ease about something unpleasant you have done before you even have time to feel guilty or embarrassed about it? Whether it is your partner, your friend or even your personal trainer, it is quite refreshing to be accepted in the midst of errors, imperfections and other “shortcomings.”
Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of working out with “Dave,” a personal trainer. He helps me perform certain stretches and exercises by providing leverage or an extra pair of hands. One day, in the middle of a particularly strenuous exercise, Dave got more from me than he bargained for. While his face was positioned near my hind parts, there was suddenly a gassy sound followed by a certain aroma. Instead of looking at me with anger or disgust (which would have been warranted given his physical proximity to the source of all the trouble), Dave immediately quelled my embarrassment by saying, “Don’t worry about it. It happens all of the time. I get belches, farts, screams, you name it.”
I was amazed by the casual, effortless way in which he shrugged it off and put me at ease. After all, who wants someone to fart in his face? I was no longer embarrassed – but I was inspired. Dave’s acceptance led me to think about how I have the power and ability to free the people with whom I am in close contact from any guilt they may feel about doing something that is unpleasant but really just “human.”
I am empowered by the idea that someone can become more attractive to others simply by accepting them, even the unpleasant parts. And this is certainly true in romantic relationships. When I do something that most people wouldn’t want to see (like after my shower scraping the dead skin off of my feet and putting it on the nightstand – which I do clean in the morning), my mate just laughs affectionately. Her acceptance shows me that she knows and loves all of me – even the gross parts. And that makes me feel even better about our relationship.
Dave certainly proved that he is compassionate and easy to be around – qualities most people find very attractive in a mate, a friend or a personal trainer. He took it in stride and acted as though it was nothing. I consider myself a fairly laid-back person, but I am not sure I could have pulled that one off with such ease and grace – at least not in that situation. But I certainly feel more inclined to do so now, after he set such a powerful example.
So, as you look at your relationships (romantic or otherwise), it is a worthy exercise to take a mental inventory of how accepting you are of them (their flaws, errors and other “human” behavior). You may even choose to head off any insecurity they have about something by saying, “I couldn’t care less about XYZ.” You might be surprised at how easy it becomes for people to be around you when they don’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing in your presence. And the ability to help others to feel more comfortable when they are around you is a strong step towards being a Powerful Person in a Partnership.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
PS: To become a Frank Love sponsor you can make a one-time contribution or contribute monthly by clicking on the amount you’d like to donate each month: $1, $2, $5, $10, $20, $35, $50, $75, $100, $200 or $500.
…and please do not multi-task when driving.
14 comments
Chris
April 5, 2011 at 10:05 PM
Well said. Everyone who is in a relationship for long enough will eventually be awakened in the middle of the night by one of their partner’s farts.
Gaea
April 5, 2011 at 10:57 PM
Too much sharing about the feet, and yet, I still like you anyways. 😉
Sonia
April 5, 2011 at 11:27 PM
I LOVE IT! Making the choice to show acceptance and put another at ease is certainly a beautiful gift to the other person…and to yourself given that you’re human too. Bravo to the maturity shown by your trainer!
Michael
April 6, 2011 at 12:04 AM
When accidents happen, it’s great to let people know it’s all right to be human. That’s different from intentionally picking the dead skin off your toes and leaving it on a night stand. That’s nasty and something that’s easily avoided. Have respect for your loved ones and for others in general. Where possible, keep your bodily fluids and functions to yourself.
Jennifer
April 7, 2011 at 12:17 AM
Frank, this post has me laughing so hard that I’m crying! It’s a great article! I love your sense of humor. It’s also a very effective way to get your point across about the importance of compassion and acceptance in relationships! I’ve passed it along on facebook. Thanks for sharing.
Kali
April 8, 2011 at 5:35 AM
What a wonderful article! We often forget the many ways in which we all need to be and feel accepted. Thank you for challenging us to be more aware of all that we have to offer to one another and how we can improve.
Daniel
April 8, 2011 at 11:52 PM
Frank, that’s quite a story…not that it hasn’t happened to me (or most of us) in one way or another, but you certainly revealed your humility in sharing it so…potently. Honestly, I believe it is just that quality – humility – that allows us to see ourselves as wonderful persons, yet with faults, errors, and shortcomings, and so we can then view others’ faults, errors, and or shortcomings from the perspective of humility.
None of us is perfect and so to expect it of others (not so say we shouldn’t call one another higher) is prideful. Thanks for the honest, humorous, humble sharing!
aluminum composite panel system
April 12, 2011 at 1:44 AM
I think youve made some truly interesting points. Not too many people would actually think about this the way you just did. Im really impressed that theres so much about this subject thats been uncovered and you did it so well, with so much class. Good one you, man! Really great stuff here.
Melissa
April 12, 2011 at 5:11 PM
I love this one – “I love you FLAWS and ALL” should be a part of the vows and I do’s of dating! Pefectly Imperfect together! It is a great feeling when you realize I can just be ‘me’…. its why I fell in love with my husband so yes – this one is on point.
Massander
April 14, 2011 at 4:03 PM
Ewww, nasty! Just kidding.
To be real, though, I agree that acceptance and unconditional love are beautiful qualities to have in a relationship. This can be easier said than done, though.
Diallo
April 18, 2011 at 6:26 AM
Great Blog and title…
Arnold and Maria: Does Their Split Really Concern You? | Frank Love
May 19, 2011 at 11:16 PM
[…] bliss, or at least marital longevity. The problem is that they are not pillars; they are people – imperfect, selfish and prone to change their minds, desires and beliefs over time. None of these are […]
Set Some Rules for Disagreements in Your Relationship | Frank Love
July 4, 2011 at 3:20 AM
[…] all want to be accepted for who we are and what we do. I can’t think of any exceptions. But sometimes our fears keep […]
When Partners Do Things We Do Not Like | Frank Love on Relationships
May 14, 2012 at 10:06 AM
[…] Powerful Person in a Partnership. And I have learned that it all really boils down to two things: acceptance and […]