Ever have someone put you at ease about something unpleasant you have done before you even have time to feel guilty or embarrassed about it? Whether it is your partner, your friend or even your personal trainer, it is quite refreshing to be accepted in the midst of errors, imperfections and other “shortcomings.”
Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of working out with “Dave,” a personal trainer. He helps me perform certain stretches and exercises by providing leverage or an extra pair of hands. One day, in the middle of a particularly strenuous exercise, Dave got more from me than he bargained for. While his face was positioned near my hind parts, there was suddenly a gassy sound followed by a certain aroma. Instead of looking at me with anger or disgust (which would have been warranted given his physical proximity to the source of all the trouble), Dave immediately quelled my embarrassment by saying, “Don’t worry about it. It happens all of the time. I get belches, farts, screams, you name it.”
I was amazed by the casual, effortless way in which he shrugged it off and put me at ease. After all, who wants someone to fart in his face? I was no longer embarrassed – but I was inspired. Dave’s acceptance led me to think about how I have the power and ability to free the people with whom I am in close contact from any guilt they may feel about doing something that is unpleasant but really just “human.”
I am empowered by the idea that someone can become more attractive to others simply by accepting them, even the unpleasant parts. And this is certainly true in romantic relationships. When I do something that most people wouldn’t want to see (like after my shower scraping the dead skin off of my feet and putting it on the nightstand – which I do clean in the morning), my mate just laughs affectionately. Her acceptance shows me that she knows and loves all of me – even the gross parts. And that makes me feel even better about our relationship.
Dave certainly proved that he is compassionate and easy to be around – qualities most people find very attractive in a mate, a friend or a personal trainer. He took it in stride and acted as though it was nothing. I consider myself a fairly laid-back person, but I am not sure I could have pulled that one off with such ease and grace – at least not in that situation. But I certainly feel more inclined to do so now, after he set such a powerful example.
So, as you look at your relationships (romantic or otherwise), it is a worthy exercise to take a mental inventory of how accepting you are of them (their flaws, errors and other “human” behavior). You may even choose to head off any insecurity they have about something by saying, “I couldn’t care less about XYZ.” You might be surprised at how easy it becomes for people to be around you when they don’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing in your presence. And the ability to help others to feel more comfortable when they are around you is a strong step towards being a Powerful Person in a Partnership.
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