It’s the millennium so why not take finding the perfect partner or friend to a new level? Open yourself up to new experiences and leave the rest to our guest … on this edition of Frank Relationships.
FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: HATTIE ELLIOT’S “THE GRACE LIST,” A UNIQUE DATING EXPERIENCE
Guests: Hattie Elliot
Date: October 14, 2013
Frank: It’s a new millennium, so why not take finding the perfect partner or friend to a new level. Open yourself up to new experiences and leave the rest to our guest, on this edition of Frank Relationships.
Welcome to Frank Relationships where we provide a candid fresh and frank look into relationships with goals of acceptance, respect and flexibility. I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com.
Once again, to my right I’ve got my super duper co-host, Dr. Gayl.
Dr. Gayl: Good morning, Frank.
Frank: I think she’s going to enjoy today’s topic quite a bit.
Dr. Gayl: I might need some tips, huh?
Frank: Uh-huh. Could there be a painful or costly break-up in your future? According to most relationships statistics, the answer is likely “yes,” but that doesn’t have to be the case. In my new and now available book, How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship, I reveal what couples and individuals can do to create a more fulfilling partnership or to end relationships that aren’t working in a friendly manner, without suffering the emotional, financial and family ruin that major break-ups can cause.
Yep, it’s a lot more than a break-up book, How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship guides you through every stage of your romantic partnerships, helping you have the tough, important conversations that most couples avoid. Whether you’re beginning a whirlwind romance, seeking to improve your marriage, looking to gracefully separate from your partner or talking to your teenager about relationships, this is the book for you and it’s now available at franklove.com.
Are you an accomplished and attractive and adventurous single that’s open to meeting potential partners just like you? Are you willing to do so through trapeze classes, whiskey tastings, etiquette dinners, bocce ball tournaments, sailing lessons and all sorts of other fun quirky activities in various U.S. cities, well we’ve got just the facilitator to ignite your inner dater. What’s up, Dr. Gayl? You ready?
Dr. Gayl: I’m ready for the ride.
Frank: Alright. She has a list and she’s checking it twice. The list is thoughtfully vetted, but she ain’t Santa. She’s bringing gifts year round. It is the grace list, where lifestyles and work havens for today’s jetset innovators and influencers mix business and pleasure and exquisite destinations.
She connects members through exclusive trips, events and properties, creating an environment with personal and professional relationships are forged and flourish. She’s Ms. Hattie Grace Elliot and we’re going to find out what you need to do, if you want to make the list. Good morning.
Hattie: Good morning. Thank you so much for the gracious intro there.
Frank: Why in the world would I want to be on your list? What do you got to offer?
Dr. Frank: But clearly, you need help, but-
Frank: Okay, let’s-
Hattie: But I think you both come across as both successful, driven individuals. There’s nothing quite as important at this day and age as the company that you keep, and the Grace List gives you access to a myriad of incredibly accomplished, attractive, fun individuals and combines that which is extraordinary meeting them using a great environments through these adventures and we’ve created this perfect recipe for romance, new best friends, business partnerships Your professional and personal life just got a little sweeter, compliments of the Grace List.
Frank: So, it’s not just romance necessarily that comes as a result of someone attending your events. You promote business relationships and friendships-
Frank: Okay, interesting.
Hattie: Relationships on all levels. Everyone wants to get a hot date. If you’re single it’s always nice to potentially meet that special someone. But I’m sure you also agree that there’s so much to be said for having great partners in crime, guy friends, bromance, just to go out and grab beers and watch the game-really interesting people and potential business partnerships.
So, at the events you’re meeting a myriad of really, really attractive, wonderful, interesting, fun, engaging women, but you also meeting single gentlemen and potentially really good friends to hang with and hitch you down with. So, those kind of relationships and potential partnerships on all levels.
Dr. Gayl: So, it’s like a high-end meet-up?
Frank: Well, Hattie–
Hattie: A highly vetted meet-up.
Frank: Hattie, I got to throw a flag on the play. You said, bromance and I cannot-I cannot-
Dr. Gayl: You can’t get with it?
Frank: Sanction you using that term.
Dr. Gayl: Why not?
Frank: It’s like bringing your boy roses. I mean, you know-
Dr. Gayl: Stop. Stop it.
Frank: Yes, eww.
Dr. Gayl: Stop it.
Frank: Jeff, you got any–
Dr. Gayl: I like the term.
Frank: Jeff, might you-
Hattie: Clearly you haven’t been to one of the events or you might have experienced a bromance.
Frank: Oh, boy.
Hattie: Then you’d be more open to it.
Jeff: To me it’s a different way of saying you got a friend. It’s just a modern pop culture way-a non-romantic guy who you share interests in and have fun with.
Frank: Okay, you ever been in a bromance?
Jeff: Not “bromance.” I’ve got friends. I spend time with them, we hang out.
Frank: Alright, okay.
Hattie: They’re your bros.
Dr. Gayl: Right. You took the words out of my mouth, Hattie. They’re your bros.
Jeff: Exactly. I don’t need bromance. I don’t need to–
Hattie: You know what? I think if you’re one with your bros, you come to a bromance.
Frank: Okay, alright. I’m old school.
Dr. Gayl: Are you going to digress, Frank?
Jeff: They’re friends.
Hattie: Maybe you need to meet some, some really great *(inaudible) 07:02 and then you know, you’ll be comfortable *(inaudible) 07:06
Frank: Okay, alright, I’ll take you guys’ word for it. Okay, let me about the vetting process. You said, “They’re highly vetted.” Alright, break it down.
Hattie: Well, again I really believe in the quality or quantity. We’re all are busy. We all don’t have time to mess around, so I go on three first dates a day so you don’t have to. The business initially began with my friends and friends of friends five years ago and it’s growing far, far beyond that, organically through referrals, from *(inaudible) 07:42 members, great press. But the way we get them is myself or one of the members on the board of the company, actually takes the time *(inaudible) 07:50 to individually meet, grab coffee with every person who applies to be the member of the Grace List. So, it’s kind of like, I go on 30 first dates a day so you don’t have to.
Frank: Now, do you ever–
Dr. Gayl: So, you are-so-sorry Frank.
Frank: Do you ever weed out some of the folks and make them your own instead of leading them into the group? You say, “Hold, wait, wait, wait you’re for me.”
Hattie: That has happened in the past.
Dr. Gayl: Ahh.
Hattie: Sometimes you need to sneak one for the team.
Frank: Yeah, I bet. Alright, tell the story.
Hattie: *(inaudible) 08:24. Over the years, I met actually a couple of gentlemen through the Grace List during interviews who ended up becoming love interests for quite some times. It’s funny. I meet so many-I think people who hear about it, because they come through existing members in general. Great people where people send me a ton of really inspiring, attractive, interesting people everyday during the interviews, but there is sometimes when we interview someone, especially now, *(inaudible) 09:03 single where there’s definitely a little spark, but coffee turns into drinks which turn into a date.
I take one *(inaudible) 09:18 the opposite way when someone’s interesting and I invite them to the event so they can have an opportunity to meet everybody else on the list. But there’s not really a separation of church and state in my life. These members have become some of my best friends, and we have these huge trips, I go on vacation with them. I dated them. This is more than just business proposition; it really is this kind of extraordinary life I’ve created where there isn’t a separation of church and state necessarily.
Dr. Gayl: So, Hattie, how does it work, because in my mind, I’m picturing Pattie, the millionaire matchmaker, on Bravo? Is that how you operate? Do you have your team and you have a panel of people that come in and you say, “yay” or “nay,” and you guys have mixers and then you go on the dates? How does it actually work? How do you get your-
Hattie: There are a couple of things. Number one, again, I deal with quality over quantity. If someone comes in, I don’t look at their checkbook. If they’re living in New York and they can afford *(inaudible) 10:26 the service, they obviously are accomplished in the genre. I’m like the millionaire’s club that they have on Bravo, and the company she’s created.
I don’t make any compromises for douche bags even if they’ve got money. I mean, I really no doubt having really quality people who are friendly and interesting and because this isn’t a club that you can buy your way into.
Dr. Gayl: Okay.
Hattie: Again, when you go to one of these *(inaudible) 11:02 events, I want you to show up and leave with, not only some numbers guys you might want to go out with, but also meet really great friendly girlfriends.
It’s funny, when we were talking about bromances earlier, but it’s the same thing for women. We had a house in the Hamptons over the summer and a lot of numbers were there and we had a summer reunion get-together and it was almost like summer camp when you were kids. People make so many good friends and meaningful friendships and relationships through these events and it’s really important for me to have really high quality people.
So, I’m like Pattie’s service or kind of these-I hate to say it, but like they’re very antiquated matchmakers. My job is really just to bring really high quality kind, interesting people coming from every different background: entrepreneurs, architects, doctors, and lawyers; people in finance, so that it really creates a dynamic environment and gives you access to people otherwise, might not meet when you’re a busy successful individual in one of these cities.
Frank: Tell me–
Dr. Gayl: Okay Hattie.
Frank: Tell me about a douche bag. I want to know who a douche bag is. Give me a douche bag story.
Hattie: Oh my goodness. You know someone who feels like he’s all show, no blow. They feel like they have to bring up the size of their boat, the price of their car, the label on their shirt. For me people who genuinely are accomplished enough and successful enough to afford that stuff, don’t have to necessarily talk about that. Anyone, if they make a certain amount of money, can afford that. What they can’t necessarily afford and what they can’t buy is character and I’m more interested in that. Being able to have a fun, interesting, engaging conversation and having them bring something to the table other than just their checkbook.
Dr. Gayl: You touched on it a moment ago Hattie. What are the demographics of your clientele?
Hattie: Early 30’s. They’re the average age of our members, and in the sweet spot is early 30’s, early 30’s to early 40’s. Particularly I would say mid-30’s. I’m 32 years old, myself. Our average member is 34 years old, in some major cities across the U.S. and all over the world. We either connect them through-when I started the business it was weekly events, but our sweet spot now is we throw these massive incredible. We do a 65 person, seven yacht sailing trip to St. Barts, St. Martin and Anguilla over New Years.
We have have a ski house in Colorado. Art Basel in Miami, Formula One Grand Prie in Monaco and Montreal and Austin; a harvest in Napa. We created extraordinary experiences in bringing people together, so by the time people *(inaudible) 14:14, they can not only afford that place, but I think they have more discriminating taste and they’re comfortable in their skin and know what they want and they’re really ready to meet people and understand the concept of quality over quantity.
Frank: Do you insist on one-to-one? So, you pretty much bring in one man to every woman or what’s the ratio like?
Hattie: Yeah, I do like balancing things out. I do, because I think it also creates a great dynamic. I think there are lots of great things and energy that men bring to the table and women don’t and there’s a lot of *(inaudible) 14:47 that women bring to the table that men don’t and it evens the playing field.
Frank: And when I asked you about douche bags, I got the impression that those were the guys. I want to hear a balance, so tell me about some–
Dr. Gayl: He wants to hear the douche bag women.
Frank: Yes, exactly. Thank you, Dr. Gayl.
Hattie: You know girls-I grew up with boys and I’m a huge fan of men. Some of my best friends are men. A lot of my best friends met their wives through The Grace List, but any guy quality, that any man has a *(inaudible) 15:26 and it’s a possibility women do too. Women are the *(inaudible) 15:30 as far as I’m concerned. Men have such a reputation for *(inaudible) 15:33. Women stereotype men and say that they’re the players and the-*(inaudible) 15:46 and are judged if not more capable of doing that in this day and age, because we are just as empowered as men. We make as much money. Sometimes I feel like women they’re emotionally just as *(inaudible) 16:06 than men. Trust me as much as I have to put men in their place, especially women in their 30’s get to this place where they’ve worked so hard for years, they’ve put their personal life on all of it, once they get loose, they do *(inaudible) 16:26 leash as well.
Frank: And tell me about that leash. How do you put somebody who is running a little amuck? How do you put them in their place?
Hattie: I can kind of smell it a mile away, if a woman is getting too aggressive. She’s juggling seven or eight guys, I’ve been guilty of it myself. In the past when I *(inaudible) 16:52 relationship, I just loved dating and dating multiple people, but you’re never going to really leave yourself open to getting something real if you’re just constantly letting yourself be distracted.
People do it for good reasons, but women, I noticed, especially in New York and Los Angeles and DC are just as guilty, if not more, like I said, of being the players. Which is fine, for each their own, but I just *(inaudible) 17:27 if that’s where someone is in their life and they really want to date most people in a ratio of their own, that just to be honest and open with the people you’re dating and where you stand.
You’re only really a jerk if you lie about it. If you are honest about it and talk to people you’re dating, “I’m really in a place where if I meet the right person and maybe wanted to settle down right now, I’m having fun and I want to meet multiple people and see what’s out there.” You’re not a douche bag, you’re not a jerk, whether you’re male or female. The moment you get in that territory is when you lie about it or when you put on a facade if that’s not the case.
Dr. Gayl: So, if people are long distance, how do they contact you? How do they have your services? How do they utilize your services? How does it work? Do you come to this city or do you send your people out? What happens?
Hattie: If you’re not in a major city, there’s not as much value to be derived, because there’s not going to be as many members in Cleveland or St. Louis as there are in New York, L.A., Chicago, D.C., Boston. However, because our business is more destination-related and we’ve transitioned from introducing with the weekly events into these extraordinary trips all over the U.S. and all over the world, there’s still value to be derived.
Dr. Gayl: Right, but how does it work? Do you, do people have to join your club and then you have a certain mix or a set amount of mix like a–
Dr. Gayl: Many times a month? How does it work?
Hattie: They hear about us through, let’s say the Frank Love show. They go to our website and they apply through the website. The website really is the only online component. When not an online dating or matchmaking service. So, they apply then we look at the applicants, we follow-up with them.
If they’re in a city that we have a presence in we meet with them in person. If not, we set up a Skype call and its really a nice casual to give them more information on The Grace List and also get to know them and see if they’ll would be a good fit.
Dr. Gayl: And then, how are they interviewed? Do you go out and interview everyone?
Hattie: We interview everyone in person in the major cities that we’re in. If it’s somewhere-like we have members in London and we have members in India and–
Hattie: Switzerland and Sweden and Canada and Montreal and Toronto. So, if someone from one of those cities fines out about us and they’re interested in coming on one of our trips, we interview them over Skype. The beauty of technology.
Dr. Gayl: And it’s just for group dates? It’s not for individual matchmaking?
Hattie: Right, it’s groups. I mean, look I’m happy when we have these *(inaudible) 20:33, when we do these events. For sure, I always take notes for both men and women. Like what certain people have in common or what might be common points of interest and introduce them one-on-one during the events, but I’m not by any means a typical matchmaker. I really do call myself a good matcher.
Dr. Gayl: And then, do you have certain mixers for certain age groups and certain interests, or is it just, “Come one for all, all for one?”
Hattie: It’s “all for one,” but it could be very specific demographics. We’ve got a specific demographic but at the same time I know what our members like and what they’re looking for. But at the same time, I can get you really important-one of the things I’ve always valued and I think why I initially had the idea for The Grace List of people-my friends were always attracted-like I would always love hosting events and parties and get-togethers, because I’ve always prided myself on what a dynamic diverse group of friends I have. They’re all accomplished and interesting but they’re from all over the world, from every different occupation. I’m certain if you worked in radio you don’t just want to go out and be introduced to be people who are in the entertainment industry. I’m sure you derive a lot of value of meeting people who are maybe a scientist, a doctor, an artist, an architect, someone who’s in finance.
There’s a lot to be said to be meeting people outside of your immediate circle. So as much as we cater to one demographic, within that demographic the one thing people have in common is they’re very ambitious and driven, but we’ve got such interesting people. We got a ton of people who own such interesting businesses-entrepreneurs, people you otherwise just wouldn’t meet. *(inaudible) 22:41
Frank: We’re discussing relationships, let’s discuss nutrition too. Having trouble getting in your daily dosage of fruits and vegetables, well I strongly suggest you try All Day Energy Greens, a weight loss and dietary supplement all in one.
Many of us don’t make the time to eat and If you like me, fit this profile, All Day Energy Greens can help you by providing a full day’s worth of veggies in one spoonful and you can try it at no risk.
If you’re not 100 percent delighted with your results, just send the canister back for a full and prompt refund. No questions asked.
You can even return an empty canister for a full refund. Check it out at alldayenergygreens.com or give them a call at 800-218-1379 for more energy and fewer inches.
You’re listening to Frank Relationships where we’re talking with Hattie Elliot, the founder of The Grace List, a membership-based community the redefines the art of social networking. The Grace List connects members through trips, events and properties, creating an environment where personal professional relationships flourish.
Let me hear the story of how you got started. Well, before we do that, I want to know your website. How do people find you?
Frank: Alright, that’s it? Don’t call you, visit the website.
Hattie: Yeah. There you go.
Frank: Alright, let me hear the story of how you got started.
Hattie: Well, it’s actually really funny. At the time, as I mentioned, even from a young age, I was always a connector, a matchmaker of sorts. I always loved bringing people together. When I was in my mid-20’s I left my job. I worked at a big consulting firm and I left. And I left going out on my own. I’ve always been a serial entrepreneur and I was doing business developing consulting in my own practice for a myriad of different companies, ranging from financial institutions to real estate developers.
I took on a client in New York *(inaudible) 25:08 who had been around for 20 years. Pottery, for those of you listening, the last time I did pottery was like Kindergarten. You know when you do it. I’m a narcissist person but it was a random client, but in the *(inaudible) 25:25 economy we were close to going under. We were having trouble attracting new people *(inaudible) 25:33 classes and having issues paying the rent, so they called on me to help them turn the business around.
The first idea I had when I thought of pottery, I thought of that really sexy scene in the movie from Ghost. You know when they’re getting it on behind the pottery wheel with clay everywhere. So, I gave my client-I said, “Why don’t you do a single’s mixer at your studio?” The studio’s in Tribecca, in a cool area in town.
When I think of pottery, I think of the movie Ghost. I’m single, I have 50 or 20 really attractive, fun, single girlfriends. I’ve got 50 or 20 attractive, single guy friends. I was like, “Let’s do a single’s mixer here.” *(inaudible) 26:22 I got a wine sponsor, I invited those girlfriends, I invited those guy friends, so it was this formula of even number of ladies and gents. I had them each bring a girlfriend or guy friend. And the criteria was someone that you would date or set one of your best friends up with.
Frank: Do you ever get testimonials or anything from people where a guy or a woman may come back and say, “Oh yeah, we got it on last night. Yes, thank you.”
Hattie: Oh, my gosh. I sometimes I know too much. Are you kidding me? These people, these are my peers. They’re my homies. Part of the awesome thing about my business is, I said there was no separation of church and state. These people are just more than just clients. I’ve become really tight with them and I’ve built really great relationships. These aren’t just superficial business relationships, but they do really trust me to the extent where they sometimes tell me too much. Sometimes my ears are just bleeding. It’s like, “Enough already.” I know so much about people’s personal lives or sex lives. But it’s all good. It just shows me how much they trust me and that I can keep a secret.
Frank: What exactly do you tell a person upfront, they get with a membership?
Hattie: In terms of the service they’re getting?
Frank: Yeah, like you meet with them, you interview them, at what point do you say, “Here, sign on the dotted line,” and what are you telling them they get? They get to go on a trip or they get to come to the mixer or is the price for the trip not included in the subscription? How do all of that work out?
Hattie: The way that it works is people pay an annual fee if they want to be a member. Once I meet with them, if they’re in good stead, we offer them membership. Membership is $1200 a year. You can either become a member or a subscriber. Either way you have to get approved to be a part of the network.
Dr. Gayl: What are the criteria to be approved?
Hattie: Just when I meet with you, we have good way banter, it seems like you’d be a good fit, someone that I would want to set-it’s still, this day in and age, the same as the simple idea I told you way back when, that I gave people when their invited their friends to the pottery event. If it’s someone I would date or set one of my best friends up with, you’re in.
I take it personally. It sounds, maybe oversimplified but if you think about it, that’s really what you want and people that you *(inaudible) 29:00, right? Like someone you would set your best friends up with, because they’re that kind of interesting and fun and high quality. It’s a very back-to-basics simple idea, but it works every time.
Dr. Gayl: So you don’t have to submit a 401k? I’m sorry, not a 401k but like-
Hattie: A contract-
Dr. Gayl: Yeah, contracts. Submit what you make and your annual salary a year and things like that?
Hattie: No, absolutely not. You know what? Because I value-I think someone, for instance, who comes in who’s a very accomplished architect is never going to make as much as maybe someone with a hedge fund or whatever. However, their contribution of being part of the network and just adding to the atmosphere is just as important-more than somebody who might make $50,000, $150,000, $500,000 more a year.
If you can afford the initial fee and you know what you’re paying for and can afford to be on the trip [to make] 30:00 a good addition, you’re *(inaudible) 30:03. It is high-end, but it’s not so expensive that it shuns out people who’ve got really interesting careers that might not make-
Frank: Be super rich.
Hattie: As much money as someone-yeah, exactly. Because I’m not interested in that, I’m interested in people who will bring actual value and content to the events and to my life and to the other people who are there.
Frank: So, a membership’s $1200, what’s a subscription or a subscriber? Tell me about that.
Hattie: If you’re approved, you can either become a member or a subscriber. If you become a subscriber, it’s $175 a year. The difference is the membership and the subscriber-ship don’t include-what they do is get you on the list so you can come to the event, come on the trip. When you’re a member, you get first dibs. So you’re always guaranteed a spot on one of the trips or one of the events.
Dr. Gayl: How many trips-
Dr. Gayl: I’m sorry, go ahead.
Hattie: That’s okay. Go ahead.
Dr. Gayl: How many trips and events do you have a year?
Hattie: We have just over 40 a year.
Frank: Four-zero or four?
Frank: Four-zero, alright. Okay, that will keep anybody busy. Do you have people who go on pretty much every trip?
Hattie: They love it and-actually, I would say technically more than 40, because what happens is, we also have houses. We have really incredible ski house on the slopes for *(inaudible) 31:49 for two months straight. And we throw events there, so people come. They come for a week, a weekend, two months and we have it set up so-we have a lot of entrepreneurs who have there-a lot of people are there on businesses. Our tagline is, “Work, play, relax, repeat.” We have the houses set up, so it’s like a satellite office.
There are dedicated spaces where people can get on their laptops, nerd out, make phone calls, send faxes. It’s funny, who sends faxes anymore, but whatever? *(inaudible) 32:22 printers. You can work remotely during the day and play at night and ski on weekends. The same thing in the Hamptons. So, members can come out to the Hamptons. Some of them actually lived at the house the entire summer and worked remotely from there, which was really cool.
We throw events at the houses, like whiskey tasting, food pairing *(inaudible) 32:45. So, when you’re a member, getting back to that, you pay $1200 but the price of all the houses and trips is-you get special membership pricing. It’s significantly less. When you’re a subscriber, the pricing for every house and trip is more. So, it’s different pricing. When you’re a member you can invite a friend to come on a trip, if you want, with you.
The reason we opened up just beyond singles-it used to just be singles obviously when it started-is because a lot of people have met and gotten married through The Grace List. At this point, we’ve got 12 marriages, seven Grace List babies, 43 different business partnerships that I’m aware of that have been formalized.
People have. They might have met down there, but they’ve also-I was in a Grace List wedding last year. I was a bridesmaid. That couple met through The Grace List and two of the other bridesmaids and three of the groomsin the wedding all met the bride and groom through The Grace List at various events. It was like a great metrics of Grace List-ness that evolved through the years.
So, let’s say you want to go on a trip, if you’re a member versus a subscriber, if you want to bring a friend, you’re allowed to do that if you’re a member.
Frank: How old is the business? How long have you been doing this?
Hattie: Five years.
Frank: And have you had any divorces?
Hattie: Not as of yet, however if that happened, I would never view it as a-it wouldn’t be marked against myself. I think in this and age marriage, love, sex relationships we’re under a lot more pressure and stress and things that even our parent’s generation-I never ever judge or fault anyone if something doesn’t work out. I, myself, am divorced and that’s one of the reasons I really started the business, because I love marriage, I value it. I really value companionship and even though it didn’t work out for me, it never made me bitter. It was like I knew how important it was to me, when it was great, it was really great and I want that again for myself someday.
Part of my motivation beyond when I started the business and it was for a consultant I was like, “I want a meet a man. I want to fall in love again,” and for people, if it doesn’t work out, I cast no judgment. Relationships, to make successful, *(inaudible) 35:32 take a lot of work and sometimes even when you work really, really hard and love someone so much, they don’t work out.
As of now, we’ve not had any Grace List divorces. We’ve had a lot of couples, that we know, who have met and been in serious relationships and then it didn’t work out. But then they come back for more and they meet someone else. We’ve had a few members in The Grace List that will come and be really active for awhile, meet someone and be off the grid and then they’ll come back six months later or a year later-especially when it was just dating-and then come back here later because it didn’t work and meet someone else and be off the grid again eight months and then it didn’t work out. That’s life, you know?
Dr. Gayl: Hattie, can you put membership on hold?
Hattie: Sure, uh-huh.
Dr. Gayl: Okay.
Frank: What happens when a person splits with the person that they were with, that they met at The Grace List and then both of them jump back into the dating scene with The Grace List-both of them end up at the same party?
Hattie: That’s where they should be glad that I’m a good wing woman. If anyone’s going to be your wing woman-I do look out for people in that way. And trust through me and it happened a lot because-
Frank: I believe it.
Hattie: There are just-Part of what I do, I really curate-more than just connect-I really curate these environments. It’s a combination of great people and then you show up and you’re in this amazing environment. Like even in the Hampton where you show up to the house, there is someone there to take your stuff up to the room, introduce you to other people, offer you a drink. You’re in this exquisite setting, so sparks fly-what can I say-all the time.
I know, people like I said tell me a lot, I know a lot from being around. This is not my first rodeo. I have a sense when people have hooked up, even if they don’t tell me.
Frank: You ever have any married people join The Grace List and would you allow it, would you shun it if you found out they were married and you thought they were single? Would you kick them out? How would all of that work?
Hattie: If I thought they were single, if they told me they were single and it turned out they were married, I would kick them out in a second. If they were in a relationship or a couple or whatever and they have a ring on their finger and they were like-because a lot of people, like I said, join-let’s say, even a couple I met-I interviewed a guy actually yesterday, he’s got a really interesting, incredible company that they make skin care products.
He and his wife just moved from Montreal. They heard about The Grace List actually through another friend of theirs who were couples, him and her boyfriend and he interviewed. He was like, “I’m really interested in joining, my wife’s interested in joining, we’re new to the city, we’re really busy, we’ve heard about what great people there are. We know how important it is. We miss our friends back in Montreal and we’re ready to make a whole network here in New York and we’ve heard great things about you guys.”
So that’s really cool. The guy tells me he’s married *(inaudible) 38:56. He’s got a great business, just an interesting guy I had a great conversation with him. That’s totally cool. When you go into something, again, it’s kind of like I said the difference between a douche bag, a player and someone who’s having fun-if you come into it and you say, “I’m single, ready to mingle,” give me one impression and then you’re hiding your wedding ring in your bag, no thank you. I don’t want any part of this. But if you’re in a relationship and you’re ready to meet really interesting people at the events, then I’m all for it. *(inaudible) 39:33.
Frank: What if you’re in a relationship and you want a tryst?
Dr. Gayl: You want a what?
Hattie: I don’t-
Frank: A tryst?
Hattie: Like a little tryst.
Dr. Gayl: What’s a tryst?
Hattie: Like a little romantic *(inaudible) 39:44.
Dr. Gayl: Oh, okay.
Frank: We’ve got to send you back to school. Alright, go on, go ahead.
Dr. Gayl: You need to jump off.
Hattie: I wouldn’t necessarily support that and here is why. I have no idea if someone’s in a relationship if they come to me and say that they want to be in a tryst and their significant person-the other person, if this guy or poor girl’s in a relationship with, knows about their intentions of trysting it up, I don’t necessarily want to be a middleman and call it in between and be responsible in any way, if the case is that they want a tryst and the significant other doesn’t. That’s not my responsibility. I don’t want to be a part of that hot mess.
So if someone told me that and I hadn’t met their significant other, I would think it would be like-my job can be messy enough as it is, because you’re dealing with people, their emotions, connecting people. I love my job but it’s worth it because I can keep myself out of certain messes and that’s a mess I would want to keep my hands clean of.
Frank: Got it. Word of mouth, you kind of touched on it a few minutes ago. You mentioned that someone was coming from Montreal. Tell me, do you ever run an ad in the classifieds, talk about the-
Hattie: Like casual encounters?
Frank: Or just an ad saying “The Grace List is an exquisite dot, dot, dot.” Or is it all basically word of mouth and you meeting people?
Hattie: We never ever advertise, so it’s been all word-of-mouth. We’ve received great press. We’ve had members of The Grace List who are editors for magazines who come to events and just love it and have written about it but-
Frank: What about you just being a go-to person for connections? Let’s say you’re doing an interview with me right now, I’m not on The Grace List or you’re talking with Dr. Gayl and Dr. Gayl says, “I’m on my way to New York, I want to meet with so-and-so from x, y and z company.” Do people ever reach out to you like that where you just-
Hattie: Members? All the time.
Hattie: I’m like a Wikipedia of random knowledge and connections. I go out, throw events and *(inaudible) 42:14 for a living, so I deal with people. So whether people-whether a friend’s like, “I’m going on a first date or anniversary or whatever, do you have a recommendation in the middle Eastern restaurant in the East Village?” I’m like boom, can give them a recommendation or they contact me, because they work at a Fortune 500 company and they’ve got a C-Level position opening up and they ask me through the network if I know someone who might be a good fit.
So yeah, *(inaudible) 42:44 or they’re coming, they’re visiting. They’re from New York, they’re going to L.A., they know we’ve got a network there *(inaudible) 42:52 for meetings, don’t really know anyone, do you have any recommendations of someone I can meet up with or something to do?” Yeah, I’m always happy to help a friend out.
Frank: A few months ago, we had the pleasure of having Nana Kwabena Brown as a guest on the show. His organization in Nyama healing services is now inviting you to his Saturday, October 19 couples relationship enhancement event in Silver Springs, Maryland. His workshop has helped hundreds of people over the last 10 years and many couples have returned for a second and third session. It’s for the young and old and is excellent for young couples moving towards commitment and marriage or older couples in need of a tune-up.
Those who come will receive effective communication skills, techniques and strategies for conflict resolution and decision-making, recommendations for identifying, establishing and conducting the three important couples meetings, comprehension and techniques or forgiveness and apologies, wonderful exercises for a renewal of sacred sensuality and much more.
For more information, go to nyamahealingservices.eventbright.com or contact Nana Kwabena Brown at 202-294-4471.
You’re listening to Frank Relationships and we’re talking with matchmaker Hattie Elliot, founder of The Grace List, a membership-based community that redefines the art of social networking. The Grace List connects members through trips, events and properties, creating an environment where personal and professional relationships flourish.
Hattie, please tell us how our guests can find out more about you and The Grace List.
Hattie: Well, you can Google shop me, Facebook shop me. We have a great Facebook page. You just look up The Grace List or check out our website: thegracelist.com.
Frank: What do you got new going on with The Grace List? Companies grow, you implement new ideas, new initiates. What’s going on?
Hattie: You actually caught me a really, really exciting time in business, because as I said we initially started with singles. We evolved beyond that. Then we went from doing weekly events that were localized in cities to doing a few trips a year and recently we’ve transitioned almost completely to destination-based trips and events.
We are taking off. We’ve got an extraordinary trip to Napa during harvest-like a long weekend where we’re doing culinary cooking class, *(inaudible) 45:43 are staying in a huge château on a vineyard in Napa; grape picking and stomping the harvest and *(inaudible) 45:52 a dinner, wine tastings. From there we have a trip to Austin for Formula One Grand Prix. I don’t know if you’ve guys have ever been to Grand Prix but-
Frank: Is that an invitation?
Hattie: I don’t know. Maybe it is. You guys free in November?
Dr. Gayl: We could make it happen.
Hattie: Exactly, exactly. There’s plenty of time. It’s November 14. We’re heading for Austin for a Grand Prix and then we head to Miami for Art Basel and then to St. Barts for our third annual New Year’s yachting trip, then to *(inaudible) 46:27 for two months. So, all around.
We’re really transitioning and we have transitioned as of this fall, exclusively into these destination events and houses, which are really cool, because we just found-as I grew up and as our members grew up that time is of the essence and it becomes your most valuable asset-that we love traveling. We’re a generation that travels more than ever, but traveling and really planning a trip is really time-intensive and getting your friends together, so we can take care of all of those things and bring really great people and extraordinary experiences to the table for you.
Frank: One more time, give us that website.
Frank: Along today’s journey, we’ve discussed various trips that have been put together by The Grace List that members and subscribers can enjoy the growth of romantic and business relationships as a result of The Grace List and Hattie’s bleeding ears.
I hope you’ve had as much fun as I’ve had discussing social networking at its finest. As always, it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that’ll help you create a relationship that’s as loving and accepting as possible.
Let us know what you thought of today’s show at: facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. On behalf of my producer, Phileta Legette and my assistant producer, Anayza Stewart and my man on the boards back here, Jeff, keep rising. This if Frank Love.
END OF TRANSCRIPT