Podcast Episode:
What man doesn’t want beautiful women on his arm? If you happen to be a guy with such an aspiration, stick around, you are about to learn how to attract them.
FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: HOW TO GET BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
Guests: Matthew C. Horne
Date: January 6, 2013
Frank: What man doesn’t want a beautiful woman on his arm? If you happen to be a guy with such an aspiration, stick around, you’re about to learn how to attract them.
Alright, welcome to Frank Relationships where we provide a candid, fresh and frank look into relationships with goals of acceptance, respect and flexibility. I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com.
Once again, I’m joined by my co-host, Dr. Gayle. She’s smart, she’s beautiful and as always, she’s going to bring her unique brand of psychology to today’s show. No one will say that, that doctorate of hers is going to go to waste today. What’s up, Dr. Gayle?
Dr. Gayle: What up, Frank?
Frank: For many of us guys from an early age, we look at pretty girls and women and see them as being out of reach, unattainable and disinterested in us. Many of us go through life afraid to ever approach a beautiful woman or thinking that to do so would be a useless exercise.
Envious at the guy that seems to always have a dime piece with him and content to have less than what we admire, but just when we think that we’ve submitted for ourselves a lifetime of disappointment, along comes today’s guest; poised, tall, dark, handsome and ready to teach you how to attract the pretty woman of your dreams.
In fact, his latest book is titled, How To Get Beautiful Women… and Everything Else You Want From Life. So, guys put away your pocket protector, lose the played out wardrobe and prepare yourself to learn how to present yourself to a woman in a conversation; whether the car that you drive matters and what the spin move is. Well folks, join me in welcoming Washington Post columnist, motivational speaker and author, Matthew C. Horne, to the show. Alright, let’s jump right in. Tell us, how’d you get started with the motivational speaking piece?
Matthew: I was actually [a planned division when] 03:03 basketball at Costa Carolina University and I was in my sophomore year of college. And I was in a speech class and I gave a speech titled, Continued Success in the Game of Basketball and paralleled it to my classmates as to how they could continue to success in whatever they aspired to do with their lives. Had no idea what I did. I just wanted an A or B. I was a decent student. And after my speech was over, five of my classmates got around me in a circle and I thought I offended one of them or something like that. But they said, “Matthew you should be a motivational speaker,” and I said, “Motivational speaker? I said I’m 6 foot 5 inches with a jump shot. Motivational speaker?” I said, “What is a motivational speaker, man?” But it was a funny story. I went home that night and told my mother what happened. She says, “That’s funny, someone asked me what you were going to be when you graduated. I told them you were going to be motivational speaker.”
Matthew: It started getting spooky and then I actually went to church. We lost in the conference tournament. There was no “March Madness” for us that year, so I went to church. And when I came home, the pastor stopped the service and called me to the front and said, “People are out there waiting for you to speak success to them.” And this happened within a two week span, so something that strong happens and that clear, you can’t run from it. So, in short, I received a book contract in my last semester of college and started my own self-development publishing company. As you know, here I am now.
Dr. Gayle: Sounds good.
Frank: Did you get any “March Madness” in your future years?
Matthew: You know, what happened? The furtherest we got, was the second round of the conference tournament. So, no March madness for us, man.
Frank: Okay, well we got to cover some very basic information. I’m about to talk to you about how to get beautiful women, but we got to check your credentials
Matthew: Okay.
Frank: You ever had a beautiful woman?
Matthew: Quite a few.
Frank: Okay, alright. The last thing–
Dr. Gayle: Of course, he’s a basketball player. Hello.
Frank: The last thing I want on my show is a guy talking about how to get beautiful women and he’s never had a beautiful woman on his arm. We just can’t have that, alright?
Matthew: Absolutely not.
Frank: Alright.
Matthew: I understand.
Frank: Alright, well let’s move on. Give me a personal story about an approach of a beautiful woman; how you worked it, flipped it and made it happen.
Matthew: Okay, I’ll give you one from a couple of summers ago maybe. It was some time ago and what actually happened was, I was out at a night spot, just by myself, just having a good time and there were a few women in there. And I struck up a conversation with one and she acted as if I wasn’t even there. You know, sometimes women are hotter than the sun and it happens, even to the most seasoned of guys. So what I did, was–
Dr. Gayle: Seasoned players like yourself.
Frank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matthew: You know so, what I ended up doing was, I pivoted and saw a drop dead gorgeous woman. Because the previous one I encountered, she was okay. It was just for sport, but then I saw what many in D.C., will call a banger standing right there. And I approached her
Dr. Gayle: So, before you go any further, what’s a banger look like?
Matthew: Well, in this case, I mean you know I don’t want to get into that whole definition of beauty. That’s a very touchy subject, but-
Dr. Gayle: We talk about anything up here, so you can–
Matthew: I understand.
Dr. Gayle: You can say it.
Matthew: I know Frank’s raw. But anyway, this girl; long hair, very, very smooth caramel skin and when I say she had a body to die for, I mean that’s exactly what she had. And I just rolled up on her real smooth and comfortable. See, that’s what beautiful women like. You have to roll up on them smooth like you’ve done it before. And we hit it off; we had a good energy and had a very fun time. I had a really good time with her.
Frank: Is that what beautiful women like, Dr. Gayle? Smooth, comfortable?
Dr. Gayle: Confidence is everything.
Frank: Alright.
Dr. Gayle: Confidence and swag.
Frank: I saw you all talking out there. I don’t know how he presented, whether he was smooth and had that confidence. What you think?
Dr. Gayle: He had it. He had it.
Frank: Alright, so he know what’s he was talking about. Okay, so how’d that work out?
Matthew: Well, what ended up happening was, we hit it off quick and we just spent like a significant amount of time together and we just really enjoyed each other. But the reason it happened was, because I wasn’t dissuaded by that “No.” And growing up as a youngster, my dad told me the worse thing that a girl will ever tell you is, “No,” when in totality as a man that statement has evolved into the worse thing–that life will ever tell you is “No.” And what I did, I didn’t just literally pivoted, I figuratively pivoted from the “no” and wasn’t afraid of it. I didn’t put my tail between my legs. I confidently approached my match and got it.
Frank: Nice. Alright, is there a reason why it’s, How to Get Beautiful Woman verses “how to get a beautiful woman?” Dr. Gayle told me to ask this.
Matthew: Well–
Frank: From a player point of view.
Matthew: Well, well, yeah, because I believe every man ultimately wants a beautiful woman. But in totality that’s going to take you to approaching beautiful women in order to find your woman. And so, I just made it relative to what the man ultimately wants, which is a match.
Frank: Okay and you got to go through some mismatches in order to get a good match?
Matthew: Absolutely, every relationship, every interaction, it could be 30 seconds, 30 days, however you want to slice it, it lets you know more of what you’re actually looking for. It introduces you to yourself and by the time you find your match, you two are just ready for each other.
Frank: Why do you think men are hesitant to approach beautiful women?
Matthew: Because people are just hesitant to approach things that they believe are beyond them in life.
Dr. Gayle: Well, oftentimes women say that men don’t approach them any longer, and things of that nature, so is it that men approach what they want? Or are you just like, “Well, there’s so many women, especially here in D.C. and the ‘chocolate city,’ I’m just going to fall back in and let them come to me?'”
Matthew: Nah, that approach, it may work for some, that’s not my approach. I’m pretty forthcoming about what I want. And guys just see a very beautiful woman and think she’s taken or think she’s full of herself and they’re afraid of rejection. But I mean, you have to accumulate a few “no’s” to get an understanding of how to create a “yes.” And I’m not going to say it was always this easy for me, but throughout the “no’s” early on, I’ve learned how to concretely and often create a “yes.” And that’s what guys are unwilling to do–is just go through their share of “no’s.”
Frank: When you’re talking about a beautiful woman, I’m curious, are we talking about unanimous 10s? Tens where anybody who you ask is going to say a 10; and some people would say that’s Halle Berry. But I got to tell you, I wouldn’t touch Halle Berry. That’s not with my–
Dr. Gayle: Halle Berry is used. The Halle Berry syndrome.
Frank: Well, that’s kind of not fair to say, I got to admit. It’s not fair to say, because I don’t know her. But I mean she’s got a lot of history that’s been very public and if I had to make a left turn towards or a right turn away from her and I was in the game, I would probably take the right turn. So, what are you saying about beauty and does crazy fall into dealing with beauty at all?
Matthew: Nah, no men wants crazy. This book is written to create a better man; a man with a vision, a man who’s going somewhere in life. So, in order to stay on your path, on your course, you have to have the right energy around you. So, I advocate smooth interactions and a woman who compliments you, not one who complicates your situation more or less. So, she can be a banger. She can be a “consensus dime,” if you want to call it that. But if it’s too much baggage that comes along with the situation, that won’t encourage you to stay on your course.
Frank: Now, how you present yourself when you’re talking to–you’re approaching a woman that’s a dime, how do you present yourself? “Hey, I’m a garbage man and this is what I do. I’m good with it.” What’s up with that?
Matthew: This is a “what do you do” town. We live in D.C. It’s all about the allure. It’s all about status. Let’s not fool ourselves. But what I have learned to do is to approach women and not allow the material world to enter the conversation, because too many guys lead in with their top secret security clearance. “Oh, I make this much money or I drive this or I drive that.”
See, if a woman can peel you back in layers, it’s more appealing, than if you just wear your accomplishments on your sleeve. I have an entire chapter in the book called, The Success Undershirt, where it talks about you can be a successful man, you can be a captivating man, but you’re more appealing if you’re not wearing your accomplishments on your sleeve and you wear it as an undershirt.
Dr. Gayle: That’s definitely true. I have to agree with that, because in my world, oftentimes all my friends either have this degree or that degree or they work here and there and at the end of the day, it’s like, “Okay, who cares? I don’t want to talk about your job.” That doesn’t mean anything. So, I agree with that.
Matthew: Yeah, and it’s all about appearance. See, I want the woman to be sold on me, before the material world enters the conversation and that’s what it’s about. Like if I approach a woman, I won’t mention what I do. If she asks, I’ll tell her, but it’s not something I’m just going to throw on your face, more or less. I want to see what kind of connection we have without the material world entering the conversation. And usually, if you have a good vibe, a good connection without the material world, then you’re poised for something lasting, if she’s sold on you and not what you have.
Frank: Hmm.
Dr. Gayle: What you have to say, Frank?
Frank: “If she’s sold on you.” You said it’s all about appearance. What about what you see, that appearance, instead of what you’re saying? How does the visual come into play?
Matthew: Well, the visual is a part of the real conversation and the real conversation is the one that is not taking place.
Frank: / That is what?
Dr. Gayle: / Explain that further.
Frank: Yeah. No “hob-blah.”
Matthew: Well, I mean it’s what’s going through your subconscious mind and you as a doctor understand what I’m saying. She’s sizing you up; she’s looking at your shoes, she’s seeing what your clothes are like. She’s pretty much trying to come to conclusions that are far outside of what you’re saying, because the real conversation is the one that has more relevance in her mind as opposed to what you’re saying.
Frank: I have always considered myself a bum. I wear jeans everyday I can get away with it. And there’s never been anything particularly luxury or fascinating about my presentation from a visual point of view, meaning just my clothes, my car. I drive a Toyota. I’m good with my Toyota. I drive a ’76 Dodge. I’m good with it
Matthew: Okay.
Frank: And this goes–
Dr. Gayle: With two baby seats; baby car seats.
Frank: Two baby car seats in the back and often four kids in it, too.
Matthew: Oh, I bet.
Frank: And I have no problem with it, but take it back 10, 20 years and I never had a problem meeting women. So how does that mesh with what you’re saying, when I never felt like playing that game? My, my–
Dr. Gayle: So, what is your game, because you had to have some type of game? What was your game?
Frank: I think my game was more so interesting conversation. I want to sit down and talk to you, see what’s on your mind. And I want you to sit and talk to me, see what’s on my mind.
Dr. Gayle: That was your game. Women love a man that is going to talk to them.
Frank: Well, they do love me. I mean, you’re right. But it doesn’t go with–one of the things that you talk about in the book is the beauty and what women get out of the luxury car. Like women you say, really appreciate a luxury car and you’ve had that experience over the years. You said you went from a ’90 something Maxima to a 700 Series BMW; something like that.
Matthew: Seven series BMW.
Frank: So, how do you thrive and how do I thrive? And how do we manage to thrive with such different presentations?
Matthew: Well, let me preface this. First of all, these are material things and I do say in the book, they don’t define you. They can go just as fast as they came.
I’m just making observations at different stages in my career. When I graduated from college, my first book took off. I had an opportunity to purchase a luxury car at very young age. I was 23 years old and the Seven Series BMW and all I can say from my observation is that it was night and day. And it was one girl in particular. I was talking to her and I was still riding around in a Maxima and she was playing all kind of games and this and that. And then, I was very quiet about my purchase. I didn’t want to flash it. And if I knew you, you’d see it and that’s just how it was, because these things don’t define me. So, I just so happen pick her up one day in that Seven Series BMW and her entire demeanor changed. And right then and there, I just understood women’s response and it wasn’t just her, it was a noticeable difference in momentum with women; when I was riding around in a late-model luxury.
Dr. Gayle: Well, do you think a 23 year old is completely different, being picked up in a Seven Series verses now? How old are you now?
Matthew: I’m 29.
Dr. Gayle: Okay, don’t you think that’s completely different?
Frank: There are 29 year old gold diggers and there are 23 year old gold diggers? Or are they gold diggers?
Matthew: Well, I don’t want to label them. I will say this, that girl I was talking about was probably in her early to mid-30s. She was like 10 years older than me
I would go to different places and these established women who have everything, who would pretty much blow you off or they might give you some play, because you’re good looking or something like that. But then their intentions and their demeanor and their willingness to interact with you was totally different when I started riding around in the Seven Series BMW.
Frank: Okay.
Matthew: It was a consensus. That’s what I’m saying; old, young, everybody, their demeanor changed.
Dr. Gayle: But just judging on the type of vehicles that you guys drive, right and Frank, how you say that you dress verses how Matthew, you dress drives. So do you feel like you guys maybe your idea of beauty is different? Maybe that’s it. Frank, you might think that Halle Berry isn’t that fine to you wherein you might think that she a banger. She’s a certified banger. So, maybe that’s the difference too.
Frank: I think she’s fine. If I have to pick between fine and crazy, I’m picking crazy and I’m going to pick and walk far away from it.
Matthew: I see and you know what? I think Frank, the women like you, because at the end of the day, I don’t advocate games in my book. I say be who you are and I say these are observations that I made. You may agree with some of them and you may not, but these are my findings, more or less. But at the end of the day you have to be at one with yourself. I talk about self-actualization and Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs. And if you’re at one with yourself, that’s very appealing; if you at peace within yourself. Not the material world, not these things that people put on a pedestal in a city like D.C. But being at one with yourself is the most powerful thing that we can do as human beings.
Dr. Gayle: So, since you’re trying to talk my talk and Maslow and all that, let’s talk about that more; like the hierarchy of needs. You did mention being at one with yourself, but not only being at one with yourself, but love, like that is the highest; the need and being connected to someone. Right?
Dr. Gayle: So–
Frank: Is it, seem like food, water, shelter–
Dr. Gayle: Not in your world. Not in your world.
Frank: I love to be loved. I love loving, I just–I’m saying–
Dr. Gayle: But you want a contract with your love, like “I’m going to love you for five years and then at the end of the fifth year, we’re going to come together to see if I still love you or not.”
Frank: That doesn’t mean I stopped loving. And it’s not that I want to love you that long, it’s that’s what I want, a legal agreement to look like. I will love you for life. Now, I may love you from the side of the country, because we split up after five years, but it’s not that I don’t want to love you, it’s that I just want clarity if this relationship gets looked at under a legal microscope.
Dr. Gayle: I totally disagree, but whatever.
Frank: Okay. How does your demeanor change when you find out that a woman is checking you out, because you have ’94 Maxima or is not checking you out, because you got a ’94 Maxima And then you pull up in a BMW Seven Series and she’s all on it? How do you react? Or do you just say, “Get in?”
Matthew: Well, I mean the way I reacted was, I just went with it. It was new to me. I had women before the luxury cars and things of that nature, because once again, I was at one with myself and these things didn’t define me. Now what I will say is it expedited things and it just made women more willing to interact–
Frank: What does that? “Expedited things?”
Matthew: It expedited things, it was–
Frank: What got moved along?
Matthew: Listen, listen. It was less barriers.
Dr. Gayle: *[The caliber of the–] 21:20.
Matthew: It was just less barriers, less games and that’s all I’m going to say.
Frank: Okay.
Dr. Gayle: Well, I have a cousin–because you’re an ex-ball player. Right?
Matthew: Uh-huh.
Dr. Gayle: So, I have a cousin and her whole mentality is she’s totally against ball players, fraternity guys, all this, because she thinks that gives you guys, the oomph, like more–
Frank: More confidence?
Dr. Gayle: No, but more access to more women, like the bros have more access to women, because you’ll are the bros. Basketball players–
Frank: The brothers do. The bros do, do.
Dr. Gayle: You better stop.
Frank: I’m sorry, yeah, we do. You know, we do what we do. Go on.
Dr. Gayle: Or alpha ma–I mean, I am partial to the bros, but whoever.
Frank: Whatever.
Dr. Gayle: And athletes and so forth. So, do you feel like that kind of gave you, maybe a step in your confidence level to have access to women? Or “This is what I want to do,” verses a “normal guy” that doesn’t have these titles along with them?
Matthew: Well, I played basketball but I was never a basketball player. It never–
Dr. Gayle: Explain that?
Matthew: It never defined me. I’ve always been at one with myself. I get that from my father. He didn’t care about anybody thought about them and things of that nature. And I’m the same way. I’m me and the basketball was located outside of me. The books are located outside of me. Everything is outside of me, but I will say that it does give you an advantage, but I didn’t feel like an extra swag, because my swag was in me and my core. The basketball came, the basketball went and that’s what happens. A lot of guys–that season of their life is over and they identify with it. They don’t know what to do with themselves, but one thing advocate is being at one with yourself, being, being peaceful within, because you never know how your world can turn and how it can shape, how things can disappear. And so, it did, like I said, to answer your question, it did give an advantage. You’re walking around campus and you have that sweat suit on or they saw you on ESPN last night. Then yeah, it’s real.
Dr. Gayle: Right, let’s keep it real, you got the advantage. Just like being a bros gives you the advantage or it gave it to you. It still probably does. I don’t know.
Matthew: It’s real, but I never felt a particular way about it, is the best way to put it.
Frank: You’re listening to Frank Relationships with Frank Love, we’re talking with Washington Post columnist, motivational speaker and the author of How to Get Beautiful Women… and Everything Else You Want From Life, Matthew C. Horne.
Matthew, please tell our listeners how they can find you and purchase your books?
Matthew: Well, hello listening audience, you can find me and purchase my books at matthewchorne.com.
Frank: Well, since we’re talking about basketball, glitz and glamour, I want to take it over to reality TV for a minute. Basketball Wives, Basketball Wives L.A.
Matthew: Ratchet. Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t use words like that. I’m a motivational speaker. Erase that from your mental Rolodex, please. Please.
Frank: Have you ever seen any of those shows?
Matthew: Of course I have.
Frank: Some of the women are beautiful; some of them aren’t so beautiful, as far as I’m concerned. How do you–
Dr. Gayle: But at one point they bagged the men.
Frank: Yeah, yeah. So, talk a little bit about that chemistry between those, “Basketball Wives.” Many of them never been wives–
Dr. Gayle: Or groupies.
Frank: Okay, yeah, and the basketball player and how they connected and all that good stuff.
Matthew: Well, if they want to get to you, they will. That’s just the nature of it. There are websites like Baller Alert and things of that nature. I got to see a glimpse of it on ESPN 30 for 30. Everything’s accessible, like say–
Frank: Seriously? There are websites?
Matthew: Yeah. They give you an alert when a certain baller’s in the club; all the club promotions–
Dr. Gayle: Are you serious?
Frank: Yeah, it’s crazy.
Matthew: Yeah, so that’s how it is. I went out on Christmas night. I went to an opera and there was, [Whalay] sp 26:00 was in there. He’s like a top wrapper. Then there was Kyrie Irving from the Cleveland Cavaliers; they were going to play the Wizards the next day. He was in there. So, in a town like D.C., it’s no other town like this, where the ball players are just out all the time and they’re accessible.
There’s so many beautiful women that I’ve dated and it’s like this is their claim to fame, “Such and such tried to holler at me.” And it’s so funny, because I sit back and I’m like, “Man, every bad chick I’m talking talks about the same ball player that tried to holler at them.” It’s like they feel so special but he’s–
Dr. Gayle: But guys fall for it. Somehow they get the guy, they get the show, they get the luxury lifestyle or what have you and then and guys turn around and say, “They’re ratchet.” They’re this, they’re that, so at some point that works. Their formula works for something.
Matthew: If you’re calculated enough and you get through to them in the right way, you go above and beyond, yeah you can get yourself a baller. I’ve never really been into those type of women as a ball player, but there’s some guys that are. And I feel like it’s a trap. I just watch “ESPN 30 for 30 Broke” and they asked Michael Strahan, “If you could look back, if you could not have purchased something in your past, what would it be?” He said my ex-wife.
Dr. Gayle: Wow.
Matthew: He was serious.
Frank: Ouch.
Matthew: A lot of these guys–Terrell, Owens, all these baby mother’s he’s made, probably hundreds of millions of dollars broke.
Dr. Gayle: Broke,
Matthew: You know?
Dr. Gayle: He was crying on Dr. Phil.
Matthew: Yeah, it’s about making intelligent choices out here. And a lot of these athletes, they get these women that they know they would’ve never had, had they not be in these prominent position. So, they take it for everything that it’s worth and in the process make a lot of mistakes. A lot of the “Basketball Wives” took these guys for rides. Say like the Dwight Howard’s–one of his baby mother’s is on there. It’s always documented publicly how she’s trying to get more money out of him, more child support, more this, more that, so I see that type of lifestyle as purely a trap.
Frank: Do you think women can follow the same ideology that you mentioned in your book to get handsome men?
Matthew: Absolutely, because this book is not to create a pimp or player, it’s to create a better man; a man with a vision, a man who’s going somewhere in life. The premise of the book is, “a man with a vision is the prized possession of any woman and that a man with momentum is far more attractive than the man who is standing still.” So, I showed the man how to better himself.
Indirectly, it shows the woman how to be a woman who can compliment a good man. So, it shows her exactly what that man is looking for and how to be his match and–
Dr. Gayle: That’s your little fake Steve Harvey?
Matthew: It’s the truth.
Frank: No, this is the real deal.
Matthew: No, this is beyond Steve Harvey right here.
Frank: Well–
Dr. Gayle: You kicking the knowledge.
Frank: I’m going to tell you. I give it up to Steve Harvey, also. He’s frat, but he’s also–he’s doing his thing.
Dr. Gayle: He’s doing it. He’s doing it.
Frank: I see him. He’s got a television show. He’s got the “Family–”
Dr. Gayle: He’s got two.
Frank: / He has the “Family Feud.”
Dr. Gayle: / He’s has the “Family Feud.”
Frank: Yeah.
Dr. Gayle: He’s doing it.
Frank: I mean, whatever you think about his relationship advice, he has stepped up his game and when you say, “Steve Harvey,” you’re not just talking about a man, but you’re talking about a brand and I appreciate that. So, I may clown or make a snide remark about him or something that he may have written, but I saw his movie and I appreciate what he’s doing.
Dr. Gayle: So, back to the book, Matthew. So, you keep saying this is about a brand and so forth so is it the goal to just get a pretty woman or is it to marry a pretty woman or be in a long-term relationship? What is the goal for the book?
Matthew: The goal for the book is to simply find your match.
Dr. Gayle: And so “pretty” as defined by you or–
Matthew: Whatever that man defines beauty is. There are some things that are universal that are consensus that people would identity as beauty, but whatever this man who picks this book up is looking for, he will have a clear-cut way of finding it and keeping it.
Frank: I can hell from Dr. Gayle regularly, because an ideal match that I might consider may be a relationship where they last for five years and I’m not worried about what happens after five years. It doesn’t matter that it might last 10, 20 or a lifetime, but today I just want us to be together for today–
Dr. Gayle: The end of your contract.
Frank: Well, I want us to be together for today, but I’m willing to re-evaluate and nullify our “whatever it is we have” after a year, two years or five years or something of that nature and re-up. How does that fit in to the paradigm that you’re just looking for a match? Are we talking about a short-term match, long-term match or just like you said, “Whatever you’re looking for?”
Matthew: I’m thinking more so long-term, because I talk about energies.
Dr. Gayle: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Did you hear that, Frank? I’m sorry, go head.
Matthew: It’s that undeniable energy, is what I talk about in the book. You know, when you really find that it’s as if no other woman exists and I do advocate, in the book, when you find that, don’t play games. Put everything else on hold and see where that can go, because life deals us very few moments like that and if you two feel the same way, you have a strong energy, there’s no limits to what you two can create together.
Frank: Will you let a woman give you her phone number or do you always give her yours and let that be the end of it? She can call you if she wants to call you.
Matthew: Certain situations call for different actions. Like say if I meet a girl and she’s like from out of town or something like that, I’m not going to waste my time trying to call her. I’ll give her my card. And if she’s serious, she wants to get together while she’s in town, she’ll call me. It’s all about–you have to read Energy. I have an entire chapter devoted to how to read a woman’s energy and whatever the energy is, that’s what the situation calls for in terms of action.
Dr. Gayle: Our previous guests stated that women from the states are too aggressive or assertive. Would you agree with that? What are your thoughts?
Matthew: I believe anybody’s too aggressive. I love the woman who comes up to me and is like looking at me and maybe even do something crazy like, rub my chest or something like that and say, “All this for me.” You understand what I’m saying? Like that’s–
Dr. Gayle: A little arrogance.
Matthew: That’s cool, because I applaud her, because she’s not afraid to go after what she wants. And I’m talking about absolutely drop dead gorgeous, beautiful women that you would never think would do something like that have done it, time and time again. So, I applaud that kind of woman, because I don’t play around. I haven’t built what I built in these seven years since I’ve been out of school by playing around. So, I go after what I want. There’s no hesitancy, there’s no fear. And so, when I see that in a woman, it’s an admirable trait.
Frank: The spin move; what in the world is the spin move?
Matthew: The spin move is just when you disappear.
Dr. Gayle: Plain and simple.
Frank: In what context? You’re dating and then you disappear?
Matthew: It’s just like–
Frank: That means you spun?
Matthew: Yeah, exactly. It’s just saying that you two were probably looking for different things. After you have a concretely seen that you two are looking for different things, you’re just on borrowed time anyway, so roll out, because what you want to do is always be conscious of a match, and it–
Dr. Gayle: And is that what men–Frank you’re cut from a different texture, so I don’t know if you agree with this, but–
Frank: No, moving on.
Dr. Gayle: My friends and I were having this conversation the other day and so my one friend is older and she was saying that women mess up, because they stay too long. They’re always willing to say, “Okay, well maybe we can try this. Or this didn’t work, maybe we can try that,” wherein men are like, “This didn’t work, I’m going to bounce. Deuces. I’m not going to call you anymore. Don’t call me,” and just be done with it. Do you think that, that is universal or what are your thoughts?
Matthew: It can be universal.
Dr. Gayle: And I thought about that, because you mentioned the spin move. Is that what the spin move is?
Matthew: The spin move is based on a philosophy that everyone deserves a match, and if you feel like you no longer have a match, is no point in you being in a situation. Like the book has a lot of range and variety.
I talk about what was behind the greatness of Jesus in the book and not from a religious standpoint. There are so many instances in the Bible where it says, “He departed because they received Him not,” and then there are other instances where He would find His match and He would find the energy to match what He could do and He would perform some of the greatest miracles known to date.
So, I believe that your miracle is in your match; that’s relationships, that’s business, that’s life. You always want to find your match and when you find your match you can deliver your miracle.
Dr. Gayle: That was beautiful, / but why are you looking at me like–
Frank: / Jesus bounced.
Matthew: It said, “He departed.” He didn’t waste time trying to create something that wasn’t there.
Frank: Ya’ll don’t want what I got? You don’t want what I got?
Matthew: Don’t want these miracles?
Dr. Gayle: Don’t want these miracles? I’m going to bounce.
Frank: No problem.
Matthew: But we all have miracles inside of us and it’s no point in being in an environment of people who, like Mike Murdock says. He says, “Go where you’re celebrated and not tolerated. So, if you feel an energy with that person is just tolerating, spin move. The energy could have been there at one point, but it’s not there anymore, don’t try to force a situation, because there’s a situation out there for you that’s your match and that cannot be an absolute explosion in your life.
Frank: But what about working it out and fighting for love and–
Dr. Gayle: If it’s meant to be.
Frank: Yeah, yeah. All of that stuff, Dr. Gayle always talked about. That’s nonsense.
Matthew: You know what? That’s true. When you love someone, there are a different set of rules and, these are talking about–
Dr. Gayle: So, are these just a relationship, “I’m get to know her, get to know you type of rules,” like leading up to the forethought or relationship?
Matthew: It’s everything in there. There’s leading up, there’s “in a relationship” and I do talk about women who I’ve actually been in relationships with. You don’t give up on something like that, but everyone gets to a point when they know it’s just time.
Frank: Tell me a story about a relationship that’s absolutely worked for you. Yhe one that comes to mind– it could be the one that got away or the one that actually you said, “This is working for a long time,” and then at some point, “It’s just not working for her or it’s not working for me and we were willing to let it go, but it was a great relationship.” Tell me about that relationship.
Matthew: Yeah, I met a girl at a time I least expected in my last semester of college and that’s when a ball player goes out in a blaze of glory. But I met the girl and we really, really hit it off and I fell deep and I fell fast and that’s not a time when you expect to do something like that. And it was magical. It was a very magical experience and I’ve had very few experiences like that since I fell that deep and that quickly. And ideally, it’s something that I wished could have lasted, but there are few circumstances. I tried, we tried, but it was just time to go our separate ways. But yeah, it’s nothing like when you have real magic and that’s what I advocate for the reader to explore, like when you feel that magic, you feel that energy, don’t hold anything back and encourage that girl to do the same thing, because you never know how the situation can end.
Frank: Somebody’s going to read your book and it’s going to work for them. They’re going to take your advice. They’re going to have a beautiful woman and then they’re going to say, “Hey, if it worked at this level, I can double up. I got one. I can get two.”
Dr. Gayle: This is what Frank would do.
Matthew: Frank Love, ladies and gentlemen. Frank Love.
Frank: Do you say, “Go for it?” Do you say, “Don’t go for it?” Where do you fall in on that?
Matthew: I don’t tell people how to live their life. I offer strategies and I say whatever brings you peace, do it.
Frank: Okay.
Matthew: That’s it.
Frank: Alright.
Dr. Gayle: Because Frank doesn’t believe in monogamy. He thinks it’s crazy.
Frank: She constantly says this and I’ve never said that. I know where it comes from–
Dr. Gayle: Okay.
Frank: But I’m not even going to comment on that. You consider yourself handsome?
Matthew: I do.
Frank: Alright, tell our listeners. Tell about yourself. There’s going to be a woman out here listening to this story and listening to this interview and she’s going to say, “What does this brother look like? How do I find him.” That sort of thing. So, help her out. Give her your rundown. Tell her something good about yourself.
Matthew: Okay, well, I’m 6 feet 5 inches, athletic build and short cut, clean shaven and just take pride in my appearance and that’s pretty much it.
Frank: How importance is appearance?
Matthew: Appearance is very important if you’re going somewhere in life. It’s the unspoken conversation. And I can say that, when, not just the cars, but when the overall appearance change, it wasn’t just women’s reaction and it was people’s reaction. And it was people who didn’t want to do business all of a sudden see you driving something and wearing more fitted suits and things of that nature, it’s the subtleties that go the furtherest with women and everyone else in society. It’s the real conversation that’s not taking place, so appearance is the number one thing that people judge people on. I’m not saying it’s good or bad, right or wrong. It’s just the way it is.
Frank: So, we’ve been talking about heterosexual relationships for the most part and where do we go as it pertains to just relationships? So, you mentioned men also start to deal with you differently. Alright talk about when the relationship isn’t working, the spin move as it pertains to a business relationship. And talk about how your chiseled appearance or how you present yourself physically-which you write about in the book-also makes a difference when dealing in the business world.
Matthew: Okay, well it’s very, very important in the business world and you always want to be observant. I remember reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad and how Robert Kiyosaki says he would take people on a golf course to decide whether he wanted to do business with them or not, just to see their mannerism. You always want to be observant and you want to make sure that people have the traits that you’re willing to deal with them in the long-term, in the business relationship. And actually, appearance is everything if you’re in business for yourself. That’s just my belief, it’s my philosophy, It’s been my experiences is that when you–
Dr. Gayle: Kind of like your brand. Right?
Matthew: Exactly, because people will want to further the conversation with you. They’ll come up to me. Men will say, “Man you look like a million dollars in that suit,” or you know, “Man, you work out?” Things of that nature. It reflects a discipline and people like dealing with people who they perceive to be on different levels where discipline who seem to be in charge of their world, more or less. It just makes people feel comfortable with dealing with you.
The first thing you want to do is, to have someone want to further the conversation with you in business and that’s what appearance would do for you.
Frank: Okay, and that’s basically what you want when you’re approaching a beautiful woman. You want that conversation to begin, to have a conversation.
Matthew: Exactly.
Frank: Alright.
Dr. Gayle: And we mentioned a couple weeks ago on another show too that men are all about visual. Right?
Matthew: Oh, yeah.
Frank: I think you mentioned that, I jumped in and said, “Tactile matters for the men also.” But go on, I’m not trying–
Dr. Gayle: What do you mean by tactile?
Frank: We like touching stuff, too.
Dr. Gayle: But you can’t touch and unless you get passed that point. Right?
Matthew: See she–
Frank: Yeah, there’s an order. I give it that.
Matthew: You know, Frank got a hundred ones in his pocket, man.
Frank: This is radio here. Go on, go on, Dr. Gayle. Where are you going with this?
Dr. Gayle: I was just saying, appearance does matter in any type of relationship and I was just kind of, piggy backing off that. Now women, of course, Frank, I think it’s a double standard, because women are supposed to think that, “Oh, he has on a nice suit, but maybe he doesn’t work out as much as I want him to,” or “Maybe he works out and he looks good, but he wears sweats all the time. Right?” And we’re supposed to be okay with that and accept that, but with men, it’s like women always have to be put together at all times and you mentioned that Frank.
Frank: I don’t think women have to be put together at all times. In fact, I just want her to be her. I don’t care if she’s wearing sweats all the time. What I have said is that it’s good to switch it up. So, if he or she, meaning your partner likes whatever. If you wear suits all the time and your partner likes to see you in sweats, throw on some sweats. If you wear sweats all the time, your partner likes to see you in suits, throw on a suit, just to switch it up. Appearance does matter, in my book that is what I said. Thank you.
What’s it mean to purchase a level?
Matthew: Well, that’s what meant in terms of luxury cars. You’re not just purchasing a vehicle, you’re purchasing a level. For example, I have a good friend of mine and his dad and I worked out at the same gym for awhile. And I would tell him about my books and he was kind of like “Yeah, I just remember when you were in sixth grade. I got that kind of energy with my son. You know, that kind of energy.” So, one day we just happened to be leaving the gym together and we were talking and he saw that I was in an S Class Mercedes and what he did in that moment was something I’ll always remember. He said, “So you ever sold have any of those books and everything?” He bought my books, my DVD’s; he bought everything in that one moment after seeing the S Class Mercedes. Now, I’m not saying this is good, bad, right or wrong. I’m just telling the truth of my observations of how people will want to deal with you based on a material world.
Frank: Okay. Child Support. Let’s move on to what happens after you attract a beautiful women. A lot of guys get entrenched in ugly child issues, custody, that sort of thing. You got any advice for the guys as it pertains to once you find a beautiful woman, what do you do to keep life simple and have a good relationship with your children; all that good stuff?
Matthew: That’s up to the guy. Like I said, whatever brings him peace, more or less. But I advocate, if you’re in a relationship, do it the right way and–
Dr. Gayle: What’s the right way?
Matthew: Just don’t complicate it. We all know what that means. Bring things into the relationship that could complicate things. If you’re in it, you have a family, you have kids, the most beneficial thing that you can do is just keep things together. At least try your best. Life happens, things happen, nothing is guaranteed, but just play your part and hope that the young lady plays her part as well and so you all can have pretty smooth interactions.
Dr. Gayle: So, you have a quote in your book, “Always close doors gently as if life has shown me that gently closed doors often lead to wide open opportunities.” And that kind of reminds me of, not a quote from your book, Frank, but something in your book. You know, exiting relationships gracefully and things like that. Is that what you were going with along those lines? Like exiting a relationship gracefully, like remaining friends?
Matthew: You don’t necessarily have to remain friends, but you always want to exit relationships gracefully. I have an example. It was a girl that I was talking to. This was like years ago; probably like 2006 or something along those lines and we didn’t necessarily “hit it off,” hit it off and she did something that I could’ve taken offense from one night, but instead of me calling her names and stuff like that, I just stopped the interaction real smooth. And two years later, she was in a position where she needed someone to come and use my services, so I got paid basically thousands of dollars, because I exited a relationship gracefully. I’m pretty sure my name wouldn’t have put forward, presented, if I would’ve exited a relationship egregiously instead of gracefully.
You just never know. The world is so small. Everybody’s so connected that you just want to keep things as smooth as possible, if you can.
Dr. Gayle: I agree, especially here in D.C., because everyone is connected to everyone–
Matthew: Exactly.
Dr. Gayle: And you never know who. I always say that D.C. is a big little town, because–
Matthew: It is
Dr. Gayle: It’s big, but then in a day, everyone is connected to everyone; especially if you’re on the social scene and *(inaudible) 48:37. So, I certainly agree with that.
Frank: “Play to win,” let’s hear it?
Matthew: “Play to win” is a life strategy of where you can play to win or you can play not to lose. One of the examples that I use is in my senior year of college, we were playing the University of Hawaii. We were up 26 points at half time and the move was very light and joyous, if you want to call it that in the locker room. And my coach told us to hold the ball, play not to lose when we came out and their fans got behind them in that huge arena. They started hitting some three’s and the next thing I know the momentum shifted and we lost the game and I just remember our athletic director calling us in after the season and saying, “We’re going to let your coach go and one of the main reasons is that game and so many other instances, you all played not to lose instead of playing to win, instead of continually doing the things to get you ahead and being fearless.” And that’s what I advocate and that’s what I talk about in the book, where I say, “Play to win.” Don’t be afraid of what she’s going to say. Rejection and things of that nature, it’s all a part of life. And that’s what happens. People will stay average, because they are afraid to lose, instead of just playing to win.
Dr. Gayle: Do you think that’s being defensive, when you play to not to lose?
Matthew: It is, but see the thing is, if you’re going to progress and reach high levels of success, you’re going to have to put yourself in a vulnerable position. There’s just no way about it. You’re going to have to go into some places that aren’t comfortable. You’re going to have to stretch yourself and get into some unfamiliar territory and that comes at the expense of facing–you may face some rejection. It’s a lot wild cards, but you can’t be afraid of wild cards if you’re going to achieve success in life.
Dr. Gayle: Certainly, and is that something that you learned from your dad too, because oftentimes men aren’t vulnerable. Right? So–go ahead, Frank.
Frank: I didn’t even look at you.
Dr. Gayle: But you parted your lips like you wanted to say something. But so, in my experiences oftentimes men are not vulnerable, so how do you, I guess, direct or guide men how to get to that vulnerable place where they’re like, “I’m a go out there. I might lose. I don’t like to lose, but I might just put myself out there and see what happens.”
Matthew: Just don’t take yourself so seriously. That’s what it comes down to. It’s a thing of humility. If you’re too prideful in life, if you always want to maintain this appearance, “And I don’t lose and things of that nature,” you’re going to stay right in your box, because it’s safe and secure and it’s predictable. But if you’re going to get outside of that box, it’s just plain and simple, if you want something more than you have yet to experience, you’re going to have to be in some vulnerable positions, going after some things you have yet to achieve. That’s just the bottom line.
So, if you want to stay the same, then go ahead stay in your box; it’s nice and safe and it’s predictable, but one thing about society’s box I will tell you, is that when you make it out, you realize that the sound that you heard while you were inside was dirt being shoveled on top.
Frank: Ouch.
Dr. Gayle: That was deep.
Frank: The hundred thousand dollar man verses the million dollar man. And we’re taking this over to the business side.
Matthew: Okay.
Frank: “The average man would see a yearly salary of a hundred thousand dollars as a sign of arrival. This financial accumulation can make a man feel like he’s accomplished something in life. Notice I said the average man. This book is written for you to err on the side of the uncommon and dismiss all aspirations of being average in life.” Okay, so which are you? A hundred thousand or million dollar man?
Matthew: I’m a million dollar man.
Frank: My man.
Dr. Gayle: I knew he was going to say that. Of course he is.
Frank: And the hundred thousand dollar man does not take chances or not take the same type of chances as the million dollar man?
Matthew: Exactly. I say in the book that in a town like Washington D.C., you can trip and fall into a hundred thousand dollar salary. Be at the right network and event, have the right connection, know the right person, have the right credentials, have the right degree. You can easily make six figures here in D.C. But you can’t trip and fall into a million dollars. A million dollar yearly salary is something that is very deliberate, and the one difference that I point out between the hundred thousand dollar man and the million dollar man is the way they distribute the energy.
And like I said, I have friends; they’ve made it by all terms of society. They have their hundred thousand dollars. They’re single. They have their luxury car. They have their house and at 5:00 P.M., they play. They chase women and they do what they want to do and I’m thinking, “What if you just put some energy–I believe if you reach six figures, you can reach seven. If you can build something for yourself, say like on the side, that really has no limits to it. And it’s all about how are you going to distribute your energy? Do you value or do you believe that you can create a salary of a million dollars for yourself? It’s within all of us. We all have a reservoir of gifts, talents and abilities that God gave us and if you can explore and exploit those gifts and those talents, then there’s really no ceiling as to where they can take you. So, if you want to put your energy into creating something bigger and better for your life, you’d have a legitimate shot at getting a million dollars.
Dr. Gayle: Absolutely.
Frank: You’ve listening to Frank Relationships. We’ve been talking with Washington Post columnist, motivational speaker and the author of How to Get Beautiful Women… and Everything Else You Want From Life, Matthew C. Horne.
Matthew, once more, please tell our listeners how they can find you and purchase your books.
Matthew: Okay, listening audience, you can find me and purchase my books at my website matthewchorne.com.
Frank: Along today’s journey we’ve discussed a healthy array of techniques associated with getting beautiful women and what you want out of life, such as what purchasing a level is, the importance of appearance and the spin move. That one’s moving me.
I hope that you’ve had as much fun as I have, talking with author, Matthew C. Horne, about attracting beautiful women. As always, it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that will help you create a relationship that’s as loving and as accepting as possible. Let us know what you thought of today’s show at facebook/relationshipflove, on twitter at @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. Until next time, keep rising, This is Frank Love.
