Podcast Episode:
Brothers, wanna improve your stroke skills? Yeah, you heard me right â stroke skills, and we are not talking about swimming. Stay tuned as we help you improve your sexual fitness ⌠on this edition of Frank Relationships.
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FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: MONTIQUE STEPHON ON STROKE SKILL
Guests: Montique Stephon
Date: October 17, 2016
Frank: Brothers, wanna improve your stroke skills? Yeah, you heard me right â stroke skills, and we are not talking about swimming. Stay tuned as we help you improve your sexual fitness ⌠on this edition of Frank Relationships.
Yes. As always, those are my babies. Thanks for getting daddyâs daughter today.
Sexual fitness guru Montique Stephon is with us today and I’m curious⌠what does a woman want when she says âfasterâ?
Montique: Point like empyrean when a woman says âfasterâ, sheâs asking for more friction against her walls. For the most part, women equate speed with heat. So during intimacy, when she says âfasterâ, she wants to feel more friction. She wants to have more stimulation against her walls and rather than go faster, men should focus on applying more pressure through their member when theyâre penetrating.
Frank: How did you apply more pressure?
Montique: To the most part, just like you apply pressure to anything. So when you push it against something, you basically leverage your weight whether itâs your hand, whether itâs the fist, whether itâs a [unclear]⌠youâre leveraging your weight and youâre pushing through that weight in that appendage while your member is an appendage as well. So when you are stroking, you want to lean in and push your weight against your member, and that is how you actually add friction as friction is pressure plus movement.
Frank: Does that mean that you are basically⌠your groin is going to touch hers withâyouâre just putting your body weight behind it?
Nancy: Hip strength?
Montique: [unclear]?
Nancy: I said hip strength.
Montique: Yes, yes. Between [unclear] on the head. Thatâs why itâs so important for us to develop our hips. Men donât have hips. The only exercise we do in the gym for hips are dead lifts and the reality dead lifts actually make it harder to have hip functionality, hip motility. So itâs difficult for us to do things like apply pressure through our hips, through our member. So itâs hard for us to do strokes. Itâs hard for us to give her what she wants. This is why itâs so important that we exercise that part of our body. But to answer your question, big bro, the way that you would apply pressure is that you would think about your member as being a fist to an arm. And you would think about the walls of her yoni, of her vaginal canal being somewhat of a surface and you want to think about how to push the length of yourself against that surface. Not using the head of your member but the shaft, using the shaft of your member. How can you visualize pushing your shaft against her walls? Thatâs how you add pressure thatâs what you want to think about when you think about adding pressure to your member.
Frank: So itâs almost like blowing up a balloon?
Montique: Exactly. In fact, thatâs how womenâs orgasms work. Womenâs orgasms work by us building frictionâthis is by moving with pressure, her vaginal walls absorb that energy and it puts it into certain nodes. We call these nodes âspotsâ. So when we hear about people talking about spots, essentially, what theyâre talking about, are places within a womanâs vagina where energy builds. When that energy builds to a cataclysmic point, it is you responsibility as the guy to pick up on that and then use your stroke to then pump it. Thatâs explosion or implosion of that point which is what actually triggers an orgasm.
Nancy: Okay.
Frank: Whatâs the number one reason that men climax early?
Montique: The number one reason men climax early is because theyâre virtually stroking with the most sensitive part of their body. Itâs the exact same way that it would be difficult for a guy to be a great boxer if he [unclear] touching people with his face. Right? You touch somebody with the part of your body that [unclear] fist. You donât have a lot of nerves in your fist, you know⌠itâs not whatâs there. Itâs just bones and flesh, right? But when youâre talking about sex, we actually stimulate women. We stroke. Leading with the most sensitive part of our body. This is why we pick up a lot of extra stimulation and itâs hard for us to continue. This is why you [unclear] part âoh it feels too goodâ or just like a madness. The idea is the brother doesnât have to necessarily know how to think about which part of his cock is the part that has the least amount of sensors, thatâs the part youâre supposed to be stroking with.
Frank: And thatâ
Montique: Youâre not going to stroke with the head of your penis unless you want to orgasm.
Frank: And thatâs the shaft?
Montique: The shaft is the part you want to stroke with.
Frank: Okay.
Welcome to Frank Relationships, a show for you my brethren who like me, are too young to be considered old and too old to be considered young. Itâs also for those of you that love and support us. Weâre here to provide weekly wisdom, conversation and the information thatâll help create better loving and flexible parents and partners.
I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com. If youâre listening to the show on Blog Talk Radio, please follow us and if via iTunes, please subscribe so that you can effortlessly get the show each week.
Also, if youâre enjoying the show and of course you are, please share with your family and/or friends on your favourite social media platform. We are looking to add new friends to our social media family over the course of the next week so please help us, help our community by spreading the word about the show.
Greetings to my super duper co-host, Nancy.
Nancy: Hi, Frank.
Frank: Nancy Goldring, the consummate generalist.
Nancy: Indeed.
Frank: You got any other thing, any other interest, generalist interest going on these days?
Nancy: And the generalistâŚ
Frank: What are you p to?
Nancy: Oh my gosh⌠You know⌠A few months ago I started teaching yoga? So I’m doing that and I am still deeply engaged in my work around energy healing andâŚ
Frank: Energy healing, yours? Or other people? Or it goes all the same?
Nancy: Well mine and other people, yes. And⌠I’m trying to think what else⌠Oh oh I’m going to a workshop in Missouri.
Frank: Youâre always going to a workshop.
Nancy: With the open building institute and I’m going to build a house.
Frank: Really?
Nancy: Yes. I’m going to build a house one week and if I do opt to stay for the second long weekend, I’m going to be building a greenhouse aquaponic structure. And Iâve been interested in these two things for like a seriously long time⌠and I’m going to get an opportunity to do both in the span of about 10 days.
Frank: The house building, is that on a specific siteâ?
Nancy: Yeah.
Frank: âor theyâre building a house in a factory and they ship it?
Nancy: No, no. theyâre going to build it. Oh you know what? Well I’m under the impression itâs an eco-sustainable green type place and I’m expecting that itâll be a little bigger than a tiny house because I’m really interested. And I’m really interested in this tiny house phenomenon.
Frank: Do you watch the show?
Nancy: Iâve seen the show. I donât watch it like every time but yes, Iâve seen it and Iâve noticed that there are couple of tiny house hotel-type situations, different parts of the countryside, think Iâd like to check that out and see where this whole fascination is going.
Frank: And thatâs why youâre not going to be with us one week?
Nancy: Thatâs why I’m not going to be with you for 2 weeks. No, no, noâ
Frank: But our guest may never know because we just may record it a different time.
Nancy: And you never tell them when I’m not here, you donât explain, I just want to say to the guest, yes, sometimes I get to go someplace. Does he say âWe donât have Nancy? We miss her.â No he doesnât. he proceeds as if I do not exist, but that is not a complaint.
Frank: You knowâŚ
Nancy: That is an observation.
Frank: I canât remember you having [unclear]âŚ
Nancy: Oh Iâm not the only missed like one show soâŚ.
Frank: Okay, alright, alright.
Nancy: Okay.
Frank: Okay. I introduced you. I checked in to see whatâs up with you. Alright, alright.
Nancy: Yes.
Frank: Todayâs guest has unique dual benefit workouts that help some of the most insecure and unfit men become confident and desirable. As a creator of the Zenity Fitness concept, heâs taken his passion for optimal communication, fitness, and intimacy training and combine them into a really unique set of products created to help couples rekindle and maintain love and affection.
So if you like me, want to know how to reframe how we think about sexual positions, why sex is an internal massage and why our bodies are instruments of pleasure and healing, then stay tuned as your Frank Relationship Team talks with trainer, motivational speaker, and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon.
Welcome to the show.
Montique: I’m glad to be here for you.
Nancy: YeahâŚ
Frank: Before we get too deep in todayâs subject matter, I want to check in with Montique and you, Nancyâ
Nancy: Okay.
Frank: âto see whatâs going on in the news or research or whatever comes, Montique, please donât be bashful. We certainly want your input and thoughts too. Okay?
Montique: Alright.
Frank: Alright, alright. Nancy, you got something for me?
Nancy: Yes.
Frank: Let it roll.
Nancy: So I come home yesterday and I found out from of all people, my grandmother, that thereâs some scandal in the news about Donald Trump and some tapeâŚ
Frank: How do youâ I mean, you realize that story broke a week ago.
Nancy: Yes, but you know⌠my head is in the clouds atleast half the time and so I’m like âGrandma, I’m here and like all this noise about Trump and groping womenâwhat is going on?â And sheâs likeâso she uses the P word. And I’m like (surprised)âŚ
Frank: NanaâŚ
Nancy: I mean, itâs if we have these conversations on a regular basis and I’m standing in the kitchen. Sheâs in the dining room and I’m pretending not to be a guest. And I’m like, âOh my god.â So then of course I drop it. I’m like okay, thatâs covered and itâs all in the air at the office this morning. People are still talking about it even if it is from a week ago. But here was the thing I found interesting⌠So one woman saysâso one guy covers himself, clears himself by saying, âI, by no means, am I suggesting that a man should beââ
Frank: One woman or a guy where? Where was this guy?
Nancy: At work.
Frank: Oh okay, alright alright.
Nancy: So I’m not suggesting that a guy should in any way disrespect a woman. But whatever happens between them is between them. So one woman quietly says⌠She looks at another woman and says, âSo if the guy comes up and heâs a millionaire and he tries to feel you, would you let him?â and the other woman was like, âYeah.â Sheâs like, âMe too.â And I thought âOh my god!â
Frank: Thatâsâoh man.
Nancy: That was deep for me!
Frank: Thatâs a powerful conversation.
Nancy: Yes! That was deep for me.
Frank: So not only is Trump having an interesting conversation that is outside of the norm but other people areâto women are able to participate in that conversationâ
Nancy: Yes.
Frank: âin a way thatâs not generally talked about also.
Nancy: Right, right.
Jeff: Whatâs scarier is if their answer is yes to the question âwould you load for?â
Nancy: Hmm⌠how about that? Now atleast one of them I’m certain doesnât plan to vote for him and yet I’m just like⌠but yet on a deeper level, you donât really have a problem with the kind of man he is. I’m almost feeling like sheâs not voting for him because itâs not popular to vote for him. But I just was blown.
Frank: Thatâs pretty interesting.
Nancy: Yeah.
Frank: Now I⌠But based on what you just said, Jeff, I am⌠I wonder⌠the thing I appreciate about Trump is that heâs turning politics on his hair.
Nancy: On his gear. Yeah.
Frank: Yeah.
Nancy: Yeah.
Frank: Heâs really saying you donât have to be politically correct. You can be basically you could be a jerk and get voted in the office. I mean he hasnât been voted in but he certainly has one something.
Nancy: Right.
Frank: He has won the republican nomination which is a big deal.
Nancy: Significant?
Frank: Yeah, yeah. So heâs making it clear that you can be a jerk and so what? So when I hear it being questioned or the issue about whether you vote for him, I appreciate that thereâs a jerk out here being a jerk instead of a jerk not demonstrating that heâs a jerk.
Nancy: Suffocating his impulses to get something.
Frank: Or suffocating showing, demonstrating that heâs a jerk.
Nancy: Right, right.
Jeff: Depending on what your definition of jerk is. For instance, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy had jerk tendencies, okay? But they played the game.
Frank: They played the game.
Jeff: hey were elected officialsâŚ
Nancy: Right.
Jeff: They were leaders, they were world leaders with what used to be called a taunt which was being able to deal with the rest of the world and yes they did or could have done the same types of things that Trump is capable of certainly since he said that he was capable of doing⌠Inboth of their cases atleast, some of those things that they did were after they were elected and were in office.
Nancy: Right.
Jeff: If we knew that they were capable of it before they were elected, perhaps they wouldnât have been elected and thatâs where we are now with this jerk, okay?
Nancy: Oh my godâŚ
Jeff: He doesnât play the game. Heâs not been elected. He doesnât know how to speak. He sounded like a trainman in the debate. He kept repeating himselfâŚ
Nancy: Wow.
Jeff: âŚbecause if you repeat yourself enough, like [unclear] you think that people might actually start to believe you.
Nancy: Yeah, yeah.
Frank: Or even understand youâŚ
Jeff: So you know, the deeper issue if you want to go into this⌠I always thought up to this point people were voting for Trump because they didnât want to vote for Hilary.
Nancy: Right, right.
Frank: I donât think that.
Jeff: I donât know.
Frank: Yeah, I donâtâŚ
Nancy: Right, rightâŚ
Jeff: I donât know⌠And if you take enough of the racists, sexists⌠anti-Islamic folks in this country, thatâs a certain cross section of his audience, itâs scary.
Nancy: [unclear] Yeah.
Jeff: Itâs a lot of them but this country elected Jimmy Carter, this country elected George W. twice and the rest of the world was on the rise like âwhat is wrong with that?â So you know, I’m moving to Greenland.
Nancy: MontiqueâŚ
Montique: I’m here.
Nancy: Is Donald Trump classic alpha male or is he something else?
Frank: Or both?
Montique: Heâs classic alpha male.
Nancy: Heâs classic alpha man.
Montique: He is the alpha man.
Nancy: Yeah.
Montique: He doesnât care what you think and he is used to dealing with followers versus friends.
Nancy: Right.
Montique: Okay, so thatâs a big reason why he is so honest because he could care less about being liked. Itâs about him being followed that he cares about.
Frank: And he also is able to⌠Well based on his history, heâs never had to just from coming up on his dad⌠Heâs always been on the leader side of things. And after seeing⌠I’m about to open a can of worms right hereâafter seeing Birth of a Nation yesterday, and I’m not going to go into debt, that much debt in terms of the movie but after seeing that and seeing how a absolute racist or shall we say a slave master or even a slave catcher, looked out and dealt with, people that they could get away with, looking at in dealing with them in a subversive manner, just as though they were animals⌠ThatâsâI could see that in Trump.
Nancy: Yeah, yeah.
Frank: I could see that perspective and that way of just casting your will about and you do what you want to do and these people are not on my level so they get what I give them.
Nancy: Right.
Frank: I can see that in him.
Nancy: Right. Yeah, scary.
Frank: Anything else? Anybody else?
Montique: [unclear]. I would just say to Montique, I would just say that the one thing to keep in mind about alpha males is that they areâthey change that momentâs notice, okay? They flip because theyâre not looking at other peopleâs opinion of them to make decisions about themselves. They have introspective moments where something will just make sense and thatâs what theyâre going to be about. I kind of think that thatâs a thing that a lot of people have to look at around Trump is that if heâs not being impacted by the powers that [unclear] I believe kind of Hilary is impacted by, it is some opportunity to some degree because if heâs not being impacted by the powers that big, if he [unclear] himself is making decisions based upon his own perspective, his own POV, thereâs a lot more options for him to change than if you are connected to a power structure that already has a clean and clear view of what the future is going to look like and you yourself are a tool to make that happen.
So I think thereâs wins for Hilaryâs side and thereâs also wins on the way people look at it from a Trump POV. I think thatâs why so many people are divided is because itâs like are we going to look at Hilary being an extension of the Clinton, the Barrack Obama type of regime or are we going to look at this guy Trump and we donât know what the hell weâre going to get. So itâs like is it a mystery box or doing number one.
Frank: And which is the best? Or which is the worse? We donât know either.
Montique: We donât know.
Nancy: We can’t say.
Frank: Interesting. Nice, nice.
Nancy: Okay, thank you for that Montique. I appreciate you adding that piece about the alpha male because I’m thinking is oftentimes even at the social level, you almost think that the alpha male is the one to go for ultimately and when you say he changes at the drop of a dime, his point of reference or point of view is based entirely on what he wants and how he sees himself, not how heâs viewed by others and not whatâs necessarily good for the collective than I think that atleast for me, it has me to think differently about just how attractive long term a person like that would be.
Frank: Yeah, I’ma add⌠I have a concept that I bounce around regularly in my head and in the conversations where I wonder if itâs possible to truly do something thatâs good for yourself without it being good for the collective and vice versa. Can you do something for the collective thatâs not good for yourself because everything at some point evens out. So if youâre making a long term decision or if youâre making a short term decision, there are going to be consequences either way.
Nancy: Sure.
Frank: And if youâre making a collective decision or an individual decision, if your focus is collective or individual, there are going to be consequences either way.
Nancy: Yeah.
Frank: Do you have anything you want to throw on that Montique before we get into the nuts and bolts of the interview?
Montique: I guess the only thing I think is important to throw on to it is try to look at what these candidates see as being a success and also trying to see who theyâre working for. Are they working for immediate generations or are they working for generations to come?
Frank: Hey, and I mean many of us in terms of the people that are going to vote them in are not thinking about the generations to come.
Nancy: Could be asking the same questions.
Frank: Yeah, exactly. So when do we ever know whatâs right or whatâs best? And whateverâŚ
Nancy: Onward.
Frank: Onward. Yeah, yeah, yeah⌠So alright, Montique. Weâre going to get to the good stuff. But funny enough, I’m not going to ask you the first question. I’m going to ask Nancy the first question. So Iâve never been a womanâŚ
Nancy: Praise godâŚ.
Frank: Never had a vaginaâŚ
Nancy: Okay, okayâŚ
Frank: Never felt what itâs like to have my vagina strokedâŚ
Nancy: OkayâŚ
Frank: When you think about what he said, Montique said initially about âfasterâ, I donât even know if youâve ever said faster. So I’mâwhen you think about that, how does that rub you? AHAHA!
Sorry, I think I just blewâ
Nancy: Youâre going to have to edit the speakers.
Frank: I think I just blew out the speakers.
Jeff: The microphoneâs gone.
Nancy: Let me see how I want to answer that. So, when he was speaking about what essentially sounded to me like leveraging your weight and using your lingam to create pressure, I’m thinking âYeah! Pressure is probably more what youâre looking for than speed. And how that pressure actually feels is way more intense and satisfying than if it was just speed. Speed is essentially unsustainable for both partners and Montique I think I know I listened to one of your videos and I think what you were saying is that oftentimes, too much speed then compromises lubrication. So you may be in a situation where you oftentimes women are finding themselves using all these bizarre lubricants that wouldnât be necessary if the proper stroke was being applied.
Frank: Montique? Anything on lubrication?
Montique: Totally true, tonally true. The biggest issue around why so many women find themselves âdryingâ during the essential process is not their fault. It is the fault of us as men for not truly understanding how to use our phallus. The majority of the time this happens is for two reasons: 1) the queen just [unclear] on as far as thinking that going faster inside a woman is something thatâs going to assist her in building lubrication and having an orgasm and itâs the opposite. When you move fast for the most part, you are penetrating and then you are retracting your phallus and each time you do this, your phallus exposes for lubricants to the air outside of her vagina where the lubrication actually dissipates and then what makes it even worse is you go back in and you pull more out.
So over a sequence of 20 or so thrusts, this woman who might have had like this perfect environment inside of her for an orgasm to occur, is then left barren because of the fact that you think it should be retracted all of the lubrication from her body.
Frank: Does that mean you should not thrust in and out? You should not bring your penis out⌠at any level? Or that you should just basically stay in there and apply pressure or do you bring it out half way, 75%? 25%? What you got there?
Montique: Well, thereâs something that we call essential strategy and for the most part, women are the most advanced technology that our worldâs ever seen and for that reason, thereâs not one way to make love to a woman. Itâs going to be about you understanding the general process to trigger various types of pleasure within her. So if you want to trigger a patrol orgasm or if you want to trigger multiple orgasms, if you want to trigger a G-spot orgasm, if you want to try to help her to ejaculate, to squirt, youâre going to use different sequences. However, thereâs no set rules based upon the queenâs interaction with you based upon her body type. Weâre going to modify those sequences to fit hers.
This is the whole reason why we really [unclear] the idea of men having an understanding of these sexual synergies and a host of various different strokes. The idea being that when youâre making love with this woman and trying to A her in helping herself accomplish one of these orgasms. You have the capacity to interchange these strokes into what find one thatâs going to work with her. The whole idea that thereâs one set way to work with the woman is a real broken part of our process.
Real quickly, brother, [unclear] what you said, you asked about the whole concept of extraction when it comes to a thrust and I would say that I am not a big fan of a lot of we call pool stick strokes, so pool key strokes. [unclear] that move all the way out of a woman and then push right back into her because first of all, the entry process that you engage a woman, when you push into a woman⌠Women can’t stop doing that. Okay? Because itâs an invasive process. Itâs only after you have moved into her and what I suggest that you pause for a moment and give her body a chance to naturalize to you, alright?
At that point in time, when you move she is engaged. Her body has gripped around you. It has [unclear] fit around your penis, around the phallus. So when you move at that point in time, you are actually massaging her walls and that is the thing that actually triggers more pleasure within a woman. Massaging the different sequences is what actually triggers different orgasms.
Now, there are times when I would say itâs a good idea to do a full extraction and that is when you are stimulating the clitoris which is really within like the first one, a few inches of her vagina. If thatâs your target, then you are going to have to extract. However, in that situation, you are going to be spending majority of your time with the fast part of your phallus outside her body, okay? Itâs not going to be a [unclear] thing when youâre actually pumping in and out of her, dragging all of her liquid out, no. if youâre going to be focusing on the clitoris, youâre going to be using the hand and early part of the shaft to massage the first 1 or 3 inches of her vagina to trigger or control an orgasm.
Nancy: And that wouldâ
Montique: Thereâs one time that you would actually do full thrusting in and out and that is when you are going for an A spot orgasm which is [unclear] basically a couple of centimeters or so away from her cervix. That A spot, it is another spot that youâre going to stay a lot of pressure on. Itâs very sensitive. When activated, itâs very sensitive. So you want to have almost like a time period, a time just to [unclear] between each time we engage it. And the other time you want to do full extraction is when you want to leave lubrication from her body. In some situations, women produce a lot, lot, lot of lubrication and youâre not able to build up proper traction against the vaginal walls. In that scenario, you will use that [unclear] stroke to then extract liquid from her body âtil she gets to a point where you could feel that traction against the vaginal walls in that point in time you continue to [unclear].
Frank: How do you make her squirt?
Nancy: Staying away, right? A lot of what you just said about this whole one to three inches⌠Like the clitoris is outside mostly and then the G-spot is inside, well yeah itâs inside but not very far inside. So if you take what he just said, you could accomplish both types of orgasm I guess depending on where you put your focus but as I’m listening to you, I’m thinking âbut then the man can run into trouble because heâs using the first maybe couple inches of his own lingam which is where his own sensitivity is, soâŚ. Could he get himself in trouble trying to make a woman squirt with his lingam?
Montique: Well thatâs the reason why training is so important.
Nancy: Okay.
Montique: The concept of you doing these different strategies, it has to be something that comes intrinsic and we really [unclear] the idea of helping to make effective [unclear] through practice, through a fitness program that would actually help this information connect to your muscle memory. Now, when you train your strokes, you are in a position thatâs very similar to a plank position. Your body is perpendicular to the ground, your face is perpendicularly, [unclear] ground also.
Whatâs happening is, this position causes the blood to rush to the pelvic region of your body. Specifically because we add so many different functions and for the breathing and also into the movement of that area. Men have very, very thin capillaries and ancillary capillaries within their pelvic area because that area is what we actually train. So itâs just weak, itâs very weak. So this is the main reason how come we have project [unclear] with the maintenance of control of our blood flow and this triggers issues such as premature ejaculation. It triggers issues such as not being able to stay as [unclear]. Itâs because this is an area of our body thatâs being neglected a whole lot. So nobody [unclear] and tell me what exercise that triggers or [unclear] that part of your body. So itâs like a trial. This part of our body is very like itâs fundamental. So you do your exercises, your capillaries open. Youâre able to pass more blood through your pelvis and youâre able to do something that changes everything and that is youâre able to control your sensitivity.
Now anybody that wants to [unclear] back me on this, I will just say thereâs no other part of your body that you use right now as much as your legs and your hands. So take your hands and squeeze it as hard as you can, like make the tightest fist ever, right?
Nancy: Okay.
Montique: Now open your hands and press them to the flesh. Do you feel kind of numb that comes?
Nancy: WellâŚ
Montique: [unclear] because of the fact that you control the blood flow. You control the blood flow into your hands. So what you did is [unclear] sensitivity in your hands and you could only do this because of experience and practice you have with making a grip.
What if I told you that your cock is no different? When you have experienced in controlling the blood flow in that part of your body, you can actually change the amount of sensitivity that you [unclear] yourself to feel. So being able to stroke a woman and use the head of the penis, itâs not going to be an issue. You just turn that part off and then when youâre ready to feel more pleasure or youâre ready to climax, you turn it back on and continue.
Nancy: Or you donât take the plane position.
Montique: No maâam. Actually, the truth of the matter is is that it doesnât matter. You train in your plank position.
Nancy: Yeah?
Montique: But you train in that position to open your capillaries. You are⌠opening the blood vessels in your pelvis, in your pelvic region, in your [unclear]. So, when you do this, itâs no different than⌠after you do this, you can use these muscles and any position the same way that you might train your chest doing something like a bench press, right? But you can still use the same chest muscles if youâre doing a dip.
Nancy: Okay.
Frank: Just with a different bothâ
Nancy: You recommend yoga for guys?
Montique: I recommend yoga but not for sex. Itâs a differentâ itâs good for flexibility and itâs also one of the only practices outside of pilates [unclear] that you can focus on your psoas which is the area in your pelvis thatâs responsible for [unclear] and for motion.
Nancy: Okay.
Frank: So you mention a while ago, early in the interview, you motioned dead lifts as being not the thing to do. Did I hear that correctly?
Montique: Yes. I am against doing dead lifts, heavy dead lifts. If youâre doing light dead lifts, itâs fine but heavy dead lifts, itâs actually is going to harden your psoas muscle. This entire [unclear] the body will [unclear] it can even turn [unclear]. Itâs because of the fact that their pelvic muscles have become so hard in just doing some dead lifts.
Frank: And you do advocate for planks, am I hearing it correctly?
Montique: Thatâs what we advocate forâI advocate for doing strokes yoga exercise but if youâre talking about not doing yoga, if youâre talking about not doing pilates, then doing planks is one of the exercise that you can do to start opening up those arteries, opening up those vessels in your pelvic region. And thatâs really going to help you with keep maintaining [unclear] right position and also with being able to reanimate after you climax.
Frank: What are your thoughts on dildos?
Montique: Well I have a womenâs program and in our womenâs program, we donât really advocate the use of dildos. Itâs really because if a woman doesnât understand how a man strokes, if she doesnât understand how to utilize her vagina, her yoni, to use her grip or tightness during sex with a man, then using a dildo is going to train her for in and out pool stick thrusts.
This is a huge issue that I have with men that are taking their storks [unclear] to their woman and it takes them several months to get their woman disconnected from wanting in and out pool stick strokes that dry her out. Why? Because itâs that how she engaged that dildo. Itâs created muscle memory in her.
Frank: And what about just the vibrating? Or vibrator?
Montique: Well⌠You know, the thing is itâs difficult for me again. Just as yourself, brother, to speak on what a woman should and should not do. So for the most part, Iâve never been a woman so I should not say things whatâs good or bad for a queen. All I can say is that I really feel as though, itâs important for a queen to recognize their sensual balances and limitations because if you recognize that, then you can just toy to bring you to your peak but not overlap it. Because when you start overlapping it, it starts becoming impossible to find that same pleasure outside of using that toy.
Nancy: What about yoni eggs?
Montique: Iâd rather not speak on it because I have friends that sell/use yoni eggs, and I would more to create any issues with them.
Nancy: AhhhâŚ
Frank: And what about yoni eggs?
Nancy: Heâs looking at me now. What about them, Frank?
Frank: What you got? Teach us some. Share.
Nancy: Well I’m just thinking⌠Wow. So IâŚ
Frank: Well you can take your pick because I’m going to ask you about vibrators also. SoâŚ
Nancy: Dildos, toy partiesâŚ
Frank: Yeah, yeah. Where you want to goâŚ
Nancy: Oh my gosh⌠Okay so, first of all, I do⌠I agree with Montique on some level about the toys, dildos, vibrators. I feel that ifâjust like he saysâif your body starts to get attuned to these artificial stimulants then when you find yourself with a human being, then youâre kind of⌠youâre not acclimated to a natural response. Youâre not acclimated to⌠I’m wondering now as I really think about it is if the toys can sometimes desensitize the woman and like he says, program the muscle memory in such a way that itâs got to be this particular way where what I’m hearing from Montique is that a woman might arrive at orgasm from a variety of different levels of engagement if she maintains a natural, healthy vaginal environment. So I mention the yoni eggs simply because in my understanding, you use them to break up⌠what do I want to call it? like congestion in the yoni to develop finer sensitivities in the yoni⌠youâre using it as a kind of an exercise element, it creates resistance so you can develop strength. It actually has the capacity to tone your inner organs if you take the practice seriously enough which has all kinds of other benefits. So⌠but the toys where sometimes I’m just thinking âput this thing on yourself?â itâs like vibrating a thousand miles a minâlike well how could that be pleasurable?
Frank: Really?
Nancy: Yeah. Itâs like âwhat?â Oh man, the batteries⌠You know, so they have what do you call them? Controls where they go up or down but itâs still going too fast and I’m like, no. Youâre like bullets and⌠I’m just like, come on now.
So but that can sometimes speak to the fact that oftentimes, the woman doesnât have adequate sensitivity herself. I know that Montique has a program for women also where weâre able to develop ourselves and prepare ourselves to take some responsibility in the accomplishment of our orgasm.
Frank: Okay.
Nancy: Montique?
Montique: Oh I think about everything you said, queen. I, again, I have some [unclear] things to say…
Nancy: Okay.
Montique: âŚaround the yoni eggs but I just donâtâI donât want to create an issue. A lot of people make their livelihoodâ
Nancy: Yes.
Montique: âon selling yoni eggs and a lot of friends of mine also are very, very invested in the idea of using yoni eggs and also toys. So itâs a sensitive situation but my hope is that some point in time, there can be a more in-depth conversation around where yoni eggs actually emerge and the reason that yoni eggs will be used in our society today.
Nancy: Well I mean the yoni egg is an ancient practice, correct?
Montique: I donât really want to speakâŚ
Nancy: You donât even want to talk about the history of the yoni egg.
Montique: No maâam. No maâam.
Nancy: Okay, okay.
Frank: Do you have anything, any words, any counselling or anything that you do for gay partners?
Montique: I do not currently have any programs for gay partners. However, I have booked with specifically with lesbian women who are interested in using a strapper one and helping them to kind of intuit to their different stroke strategies. Itâs different though because they donât have the same amountâ
Nancy: You canât feel it.
Montique: âthe same ability to feel through the member. But, in general, a lot of the strategies can still work. They just have to be a lot more attuned to her kinetics.
Frank: Okay. This is Frank Relationships, a show for you my brethren who like me, are too young to be considered old and too old to be considered young. Itâs also for those of you that love and support us. Weâre here to provide weekly wisdom, conversation and the information thatâll help create better parents and partners.
You can find this and our archives shows, theyâre well over a hundred at franklove.com on Blog Talk, iTunes and Stitcher.
Is the conventional wisdom around dating a woman or arousing her flowers, candies, that sort of thing, is that good stuff? Is that nonsense? Is it somewhere in the middle? Where do you fall around that?
Montique: Are you asking Montique?
Nancy: Yes.
Montique: [unclear] to me?
Nancy: Yes, yes.
Montique: Oh okay. Oh man, like I really kind of feel like first and foremost, the most important thing when you are engaging somebody as far as for dating a relationship, is to focus on where your commonalities are. I’m a fan of giving gifts, however, I’m a fan of giving gifts that kind of communicate something. Now the [unclear] okay I have money, I have a job, I watch romantic comedies, but communicates eyes in reading you and I can intuit that this is something that youâd be into because I listen to what youâre saying and because I appreciate the communications that we have. I’m a big fan of looking into what a womanâs personality type is or a manâs personality type is if youâre a woman and figuring out where you guys match, where there are common interests. I’m a big fan of a woman that thinks like lectures together so that you can find out more about each other.
Let me tell you something⌠You go to a lecture with somebody around a common interest. In that conversation that youâve had with that individual following that lecture, youâre going to find out a lot about that person. Youâll find out more about that person doing that conversation that you might be amongst in doing conventional dating. Youâll find out what they think about women, what they think about family. Youâll find out what they think about the economy, what they think about politics. Youâll find out so much because people are more willing to open up and communicate when they know two things: 1) the person that theyâre talking to has common interest in that thing and 2) that they are in the company of someone who listens.
Frank: I like that.
Montique: If you can communicate those two things to somebody, you can date several people and youâll be able to find out which of these folks the one that I want to make friends, which oneâs the one that I think I want to do something further with and then which ones I need to get the hell away from.
Frank: That is insightful.
Nancy: Yeah, powerful.
Frank: Like you nailed something special right there, Montique. That was really nice. Whatâs your story? Howâd you get to be the guru of sexual fitness?
Montique: Oh man, my story itâs like twists and turns but for the most part big bro, the thing that really spoke to me was in my wishing at some point in time that my relationship, that I had options⌠I just felt as though I would⌠I wanted to be better way that I couldnât describe. And I wanted to impress my partner in a way that I couldnât train. I said, well there has to be a better way for us as men to not just stay relevant in our partnerâs lives but to have them recognize that we truly care.
This is⌠you know, just buying stuff for her and being a person just buys things and being the person that is nice. It has a certain limitation to it. but when you can be a person that can lead her body that can collapse your own sensual interests and replace them with hers, you can learn to do things and thatâs the thing that can physically satisfy her and when you can take that understanding of her and translate it outside of the bedroom and do things for her life that really helps her recognize that youâre really in her corner, I feel as though that relationships that Iâve had in the past that Iâve lost, Iâd been able to keep.
I said, you know what? I want to be able to offer this to people who might be looking for something, looking for an ability to be their best selves for somebody else and maybe I can be that person and be that change, that at some point in time in my life, that I wanted to find for myself.
Frank: Do you think brothers should recommend, brothers whoâve taken your course should recommend your course to other brothers or keep the information to themselves? Or should there be a competitive thing? What are your thoughts there?
Montique: Well brothers, to be honest, thatâs how many times [unclear] on that individualâs personality. I do say that I think we as a sex, as a male sex, will get far more understanding and far more problem solving out of our relationships with women as a whole if we can change the way that we engage them on an intimate ad one-on-one relationship level. If we can utilize these stroke skills to communicate with her better in the bedroom, and we can utilize our understanding of who she is as a unique woman with a unique personality to speak with her in the world and speak with her outside of the bedroom, I think in both cases Iâll say, you know what? These guys arenât as bad as we thought. They can be communicated with so that we can come back to the table and have some of the conversations that we need to have to.
Frank: And what about conversations around multiple partners? What are your thoughts on a man being able to sustain multiple partners because of his stroke skills are, whatever⌠because he can or even can he? And a woman⌠the flip for women?
Montique: I believe a woman will be far more⌠it will be far more easy for a woman to sustain multiple partners with men than for a several women to sustain multiple partners with a man because for the most part⌠I mean outside the socio-economic issues which Iâll show in more and more that women will be the dominant bread winners within our society, also race within the next 50 years.
Outside of that, itâs difficult to stay on top of keeping a woman having multiple orgasms on a regular basis. A womanâs vagina changes every single day. It changes every day. I mean, weekly it changes a lot but every day is different. So with one night might not work the next night because her vaginal walls are either shrinking or inflating on a daily basis. So that means, the amount of pressure that youâre going to use on a stroke is going to be different. And that a lot of times, if youâre going to change the strokes that you are using, and itâs going to change the sequence of strokes that you are using.
So if you want to give a woman on week one an orgasm, you can’t use the exact same stuff to give them one on week three. So imagine trying to balance that with three different women. Right?
Frank: Thatâs real.
Nancy: Yeah.
Montique: That is a talent. Now I’m not trying to say that there arenât men that do that. A lot of brothers out here that have never had a strokes [unclear] in their life and never will but are naturally talented and naturally gifted with this skill. To be [unclear] that can be from with them just having an intuition for that, but itâs very rare. Right?
Nancy: I was ready to sayâŚ
Montique: I would say that if youâre⌠I would say that having relationships with multiple women, I feel like it is possible if you have really good communication and you can display to them like âLook queen, I’m not going to be able to satisfy you as regularly because of the fact that we are in a situation where I am with other women as well.â So perhaps they might work something out where one of the queens is a [unclear] winner for the month and sheâs getting the majority of orgasmic strokes where as the other queens are getting more of that like rejuvenating, like feel-good, [unclear] relax but might not necessarily need him to actually [unclear] more orgasms in all of them because that would definitely be [unclear].
Frank: Interesting.
Nancy: So the one who needs to be poly are the women.
Frank: Thatâs what I’m hearing.
Nancy: Thank you, Montique Stephon.
Frank: Ah, so does that work for you, Nancy?
Nancy: Completely.
Frank: Ahh⌠Weâre opening up a new door. Youâre listening to Frank Relationships and weâre talking with trainer, motivational speaker and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon. Montique, please tell our listeners what youâre up to and how we can find you.
Montique: Right now, I am currently loading lots of people into my Facebook groups. The one for men, itâs called âStroke Skills Eliteâ. The one for women is called the âSo Tight Fitness Communityâ. I’m adding lots of people right now, Iâve opened the doors. These are usually closed very private groups. I’ve opened the doors and I’m letting people in right now so that you can come in so that you can start seeing some of the success that men and women inside of these different groups are having and so that you can start asking questions about how you can start adding these different jewels into your treasure chest. The idea of being⌠that is if you can recognize what you do well as an individual, if you can understand what your unique contributions are, what your body is excellent at⌠you can start sharpening those abilities, making it relevant in the bedroom and it will completely change what you think about yourself and what your partner thinks [unclear] your capabilities as a man or a woman.
So again, Iâd love all of you to come to add at the menâs group at âStroke Skills Eliteâ or the womenâs group at âSo Tight Fitness Communityâ and ask questions.
Frank: As a male, what do you suggest males do so that they can hear their partners, their female partners even if sheâs not good at verbally communicating so that he can sexually satisfy her?
Montique: He needs to be able to understand their personality type. A big part of what we do at Stroke Skills is we start at an area that most people would never think and that is not even on the physical. We start on the mental plane and we help to train men and women to intuit what other peopleâs personality types are and then understand how to communicate two of those unique personality types. Because if you can understand how to communicate verbally, then the physical aspect of communication becomes a lot easier. You have an understanding of how they want to be engaged in an intimate level in that scenario you know, [unclear] you have a really good idea how I should go about pleasing this person. And then from there, you basically give the scientific method and just tweak it.
Frank: You got a good book for me? Any good book youâre reading? Read? Suggest? Anything like that?
Montique: Yes, I actually just released a book for men and women that underline the basic concepts around the stroke and its underlying purpose and terminologies. You can find it on Amazon, itâs called âS.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasmsâ.
Nancy: Wow.
Montique: Stroke has a dot between each letter.
Nancy: Itâs an acronym.
Montique: [unclear] dot and it stands for Sexually Tactile Rhythmically Organized Kinetic Exercise.
Frank: One more time.
Montique: Alright. Sexually Tactile Rhythmically Organized Kinetic Exercise, S.T.R.O.K.E. And the book is on Amazon. If you go there and search âS.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasmsâ, this is going to give you the whole theory why stroking is something we need to envelope, to keep to be the new kamasutra, itâs going to change how men and women interact. And itâs going to change the communication because instead of saying âI like it fastâ or women saying âI need this type of penisâ, men saying âI need this type of behind a woman hasâ, you can actually dictate to your partner what it is that truly feels good for you and theyâll have an understanding, âOh okay, I know exactly how to do this for you. I know exactly how to please you.â
We donât have to toss it up in the air and say âGive it to me doggy style, hardâ you knowâŚ
Nancy: So does thatâ
Montique: Itâs got to be like, you know just ride it, look at me, no.
Nancy: So then⌠So then⌠Size doesnât matter?
Montique: Yes, it does for a queen. I do. I believe this. And the reason why it doesnât because men donât have strokes. Now, when we get to the point where all men have stroke skills or majority of men have stroke skills, size will play a lot less of a role.
Let me explain this⌠Size for women is a way of communicating what she wants to feel. Itâs not about that the actual size. Sheâs telling a man âI experienced good pleasure in my vagina when I [unclear] man of this dimension.â Alright?
Nancy: Okay.
Montique: Sheâs describing a feeling. Sheâs describing the feeling because in our society, [unclear] terminology to describe the fact of thing. She canât say to us right now. She cannot say to us âWell I really enjoy stimulation on my left wall.â But when it comes out, I really like when it moves upwards and then it scrapes against my G-spot.â Now, thatâs a completely different thing from saying âI like a 7-inch penis so I ate his penis.â Itâs completely different.
One thing another man can say âOh I got that. I got a stroke for thatâ right? The other woman, a guy can do nothing about it. All a guy can do is look at his palms and wish he was somebody else. Right? Okay?
Frank: Right.
Montique: Well thatâs all he could do, right? So one way says you know, I am trying to help you learn how you would go about appreciating a woman like me. The other one is you have no time and no space and that is noâyou have no capacity to please me. And thatâs the fault to it, right? A man can basically generate any type of stimulation or sensation a woman wants to feel in her vagina if he has adequate instruction and has adequate training. If heâs trained his body, if he has stroke skills and has adequate instruction, he can create any stimulation, any sensation that she wants inside of her body. But it does require her to have the means to communicate that.
Frank: Thatâs powerful.
Montique: And thatâs what the book is all about. Itâs all about helping us to recognize that there are terms of communication and relate that we can have between one another as men and women that are about problem solving and not about separating and making one part of feeling [unclear] bad about something that they cannot change.
Frank: Got it. Youâre listening to Frank Relationships and weâve talking with trainer, motivational speaker and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon. Montique, one more time please tell us what youâre up to and how we can find you.
Montique: Would love all of you to pick up my book on Amazon, the name is âS.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasmsâ. Thatâs âS.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasmsâ. Also, you can visit Facebook and type in âSo Tight Fitness Communityâ for the womenâs group. And then you can type in âStroke Skills Eliteâ for the menâs group. In there, youâre going to find thousands of people that has had experiences with stroke skills and sharing information. This is all about a melting pot, sharing different techniques, sharing different strategies, the foundation of stroke skills but the true thing that brings us all together is that we really want to see each other be better. And I can help for myself, I really want to learn what the heck youâll are doing so I can try that stuff too. I want to have brand new things that I can try in my relationship. I want to have brand new opportunities to satisfy my partner and I want also to share the one that I’m using with the rest of you. In this way, we can stay with the freshest, most innovative concepts in sensuality that ever existed and we can make sure that our partners recognize how much we appreciate them.
Frank: Along todayâs journey, weâve discussed lubricaiton, communication and planks (not dead lifts). Thank you to my co-host, Nancy; thank to Jeff Newman, my engineer; and thank you to my super duper guest, Montique Stephon. Youâve been great. I hope youâve had as much fun as Iâve had hanging out with todayâs ensemble.
As always, itâs my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that I hope you create a relation thatâs as loving and accepting as possible.
Let us know what you think of todayâs show at facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter at @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. If youâre listening via Blog Talk Radio, make sure you like us there and if via iTunes, make sure you subscribe so that you can receive each weekâs show.
This is Frank Love.
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