Brothers, wanna improve your stroke skills? Yeah, you heard me right – stroke skills, and we are not talking about swimming. Stay tuned as we help you improve your sexual fitness … on this edition of Frank Relationships.
FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: MONTIQUE STEPHON ON STROKE SKILL
Guests: Montique Stephon
Date: October 17, 2016
Frank: Brothers, wanna improve your stroke skills? Yeah, you heard me right – stroke skills, and we are not talking about swimming. Stay tuned as we help you improve your sexual fitness … on this edition of Frank Relationships.
Yes. As always, those are my babies. Thanks for getting daddy’s daughter today.
Sexual fitness guru Montique Stephon is with us today and I’m curious… what does a woman want when she says “faster”?
Montique: Point like empyrean when a woman says “faster”, she’s asking for more friction against her walls. For the most part, women equate speed with heat. So during intimacy, when she says “faster”, she wants to feel more friction. She wants to have more stimulation against her walls and rather than go faster, men should focus on applying more pressure through their member when they’re penetrating.
Frank: How did you apply more pressure?
Montique: To the most part, just like you apply pressure to anything. So when you push it against something, you basically leverage your weight whether it’s your hand, whether it’s the fist, whether it’s a [unclear]… you’re leveraging your weight and you’re pushing through that weight in that appendage while your member is an appendage as well. So when you are stroking, you want to lean in and push your weight against your member, and that is how you actually add friction as friction is pressure plus movement.
Frank: Does that mean that you are basically… your groin is going to touch hers with—you’re just putting your body weight behind it?
Nancy: Hip strength?
Nancy: I said hip strength.
Montique: Yes, yes. Between [unclear] on the head. That’s why it’s so important for us to develop our hips. Men don’t have hips. The only exercise we do in the gym for hips are dead lifts and the reality dead lifts actually make it harder to have hip functionality, hip motility. So it’s difficult for us to do things like apply pressure through our hips, through our member. So it’s hard for us to do strokes. It’s hard for us to give her what she wants. This is why it’s so important that we exercise that part of our body. But to answer your question, big bro, the way that you would apply pressure is that you would think about your member as being a fist to an arm. And you would think about the walls of her yoni, of her vaginal canal being somewhat of a surface and you want to think about how to push the length of yourself against that surface. Not using the head of your member but the shaft, using the shaft of your member. How can you visualize pushing your shaft against her walls? That’s how you add pressure that’s what you want to think about when you think about adding pressure to your member.
Frank: So it’s almost like blowing up a balloon?
Montique: Exactly. In fact, that’s how women’s orgasms work. Women’s orgasms work by us building friction—this is by moving with pressure, her vaginal walls absorb that energy and it puts it into certain nodes. We call these nodes “spots”. So when we hear about people talking about spots, essentially, what they’re talking about, are places within a woman’s vagina where energy builds. When that energy builds to a cataclysmic point, it is you responsibility as the guy to pick up on that and then use your stroke to then pump it. That’s explosion or implosion of that point which is what actually triggers an orgasm.
Frank: What’s the number one reason that men climax early?
Montique: The number one reason men climax early is because they’re virtually stroking with the most sensitive part of their body. It’s the exact same way that it would be difficult for a guy to be a great boxer if he [unclear] touching people with his face. Right? You touch somebody with the part of your body that [unclear] fist. You don’t have a lot of nerves in your fist, you know… it’s not what’s there. It’s just bones and flesh, right? But when you’re talking about sex, we actually stimulate women. We stroke. Leading with the most sensitive part of our body. This is why we pick up a lot of extra stimulation and it’s hard for us to continue. This is why you [unclear] part “oh it feels too good” or just like a madness. The idea is the brother doesn’t have to necessarily know how to think about which part of his cock is the part that has the least amount of sensors, that’s the part you’re supposed to be stroking with.
Frank: And that—
Montique: You’re not going to stroke with the head of your penis unless you want to orgasm.
Frank: And that’s the shaft?
Montique: The shaft is the part you want to stroke with.
Welcome to Frank Relationships, a show for you my brethren who like me, are too young to be considered old and too old to be considered young. It’s also for those of you that love and support us. We’re here to provide weekly wisdom, conversation and the information that’ll help create better loving and flexible parents and partners.
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Greetings to my super duper co-host, Nancy.
Nancy: Hi, Frank.
Frank: Nancy Goldring, the consummate generalist.
Frank: You got any other thing, any other interest, generalist interest going on these days?
Nancy: And the generalist…
Frank: What are you p to?
Nancy: Oh my gosh… You know… A few months ago I started teaching yoga? So I’m doing that and I am still deeply engaged in my work around energy healing and…
Frank: Energy healing, yours? Or other people? Or it goes all the same?
Nancy: Well mine and other people, yes. And… I’m trying to think what else… Oh oh I’m going to a workshop in Missouri.
Frank: You’re always going to a workshop.
Nancy: With the open building institute and I’m going to build a house.
Nancy: Yes. I’m going to build a house one week and if I do opt to stay for the second long weekend, I’m going to be building a greenhouse aquaponic structure. And I’ve been interested in these two things for like a seriously long time… and I’m going to get an opportunity to do both in the span of about 10 days.
Frank: The house building, is that on a specific site—?
Frank: —or they’re building a house in a factory and they ship it?
Nancy: No, no. they’re going to build it. Oh you know what? Well I’m under the impression it’s an eco-sustainable green type place and I’m expecting that it’ll be a little bigger than a tiny house because I’m really interested. And I’m really interested in this tiny house phenomenon.
Frank: Do you watch the show?
Nancy: I’ve seen the show. I don’t watch it like every time but yes, I’ve seen it and I’ve noticed that there are couple of tiny house hotel-type situations, different parts of the countryside, think I’d like to check that out and see where this whole fascination is going.
Frank: And that’s why you’re not going to be with us one week?
Nancy: That’s why I’m not going to be with you for 2 weeks. No, no, no—
Frank: But our guest may never know because we just may record it a different time.
Nancy: And you never tell them when I’m not here, you don’t explain, I just want to say to the guest, yes, sometimes I get to go someplace. Does he say “We don’t have Nancy? We miss her.” No he doesn’t. he proceeds as if I do not exist, but that is not a complaint.
Frank: You know…
Nancy: That is an observation.
Frank: I can’t remember you having [unclear]…
Nancy: Oh I’m not the only missed like one show so….
Frank: Okay, alright, alright.
Frank: Okay. I introduced you. I checked in to see what’s up with you. Alright, alright.
Frank: Today’s guest has unique dual benefit workouts that help some of the most insecure and unfit men become confident and desirable. As a creator of the Zenity Fitness concept, he’s taken his passion for optimal communication, fitness, and intimacy training and combine them into a really unique set of products created to help couples rekindle and maintain love and affection.
So if you like me, want to know how to reframe how we think about sexual positions, why sex is an internal massage and why our bodies are instruments of pleasure and healing, then stay tuned as your Frank Relationship Team talks with trainer, motivational speaker, and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon.
Welcome to the show.
Montique: I’m glad to be here for you.
Frank: Before we get too deep in today’s subject matter, I want to check in with Montique and you, Nancy—
Frank: —to see what’s going on in the news or research or whatever comes, Montique, please don’t be bashful. We certainly want your input and thoughts too. Okay?
Frank: Alright, alright. Nancy, you got something for me?
Frank: Let it roll.
Nancy: So I come home yesterday and I found out from of all people, my grandmother, that there’s some scandal in the news about Donald Trump and some tape…
Frank: How do you— I mean, you realize that story broke a week ago.
Nancy: Yes, but you know… my head is in the clouds atleast half the time and so I’m like “Grandma, I’m here and like all this noise about Trump and groping women—what is going on?” And she’s like—so she uses the P word. And I’m like (surprised)…
Nancy: I mean, it’s if we have these conversations on a regular basis and I’m standing in the kitchen. She’s in the dining room and I’m pretending not to be a guest. And I’m like, “Oh my god.” So then of course I drop it. I’m like okay, that’s covered and it’s all in the air at the office this morning. People are still talking about it even if it is from a week ago. But here was the thing I found interesting… So one woman says—so one guy covers himself, clears himself by saying, “I, by no means, am I suggesting that a man should be—“
Frank: One woman or a guy where? Where was this guy?
Nancy: At work.
Frank: Oh okay, alright alright.
Nancy: So I’m not suggesting that a guy should in any way disrespect a woman. But whatever happens between them is between them. So one woman quietly says… She looks at another woman and says, “So if the guy comes up and he’s a millionaire and he tries to feel you, would you let him?” and the other woman was like, “Yeah.” She’s like, “Me too.” And I thought “Oh my god!”
Frank: That’s—oh man.
Nancy: That was deep for me!
Frank: That’s a powerful conversation.
Nancy: Yes! That was deep for me.
Frank: So not only is Trump having an interesting conversation that is outside of the norm but other people are—to women are able to participate in that conversation—
Frank: —in a way that’s not generally talked about also.
Nancy: Right, right.
Jeff: What’s scarier is if their answer is yes to the question “would you load for?”
Nancy: Hmm… how about that? Now atleast one of them I’m certain doesn’t plan to vote for him and yet I’m just like… but yet on a deeper level, you don’t really have a problem with the kind of man he is. I’m almost feeling like she’s not voting for him because it’s not popular to vote for him. But I just was blown.
Frank: That’s pretty interesting.
Frank: Now I… But based on what you just said, Jeff, I am… I wonder… the thing I appreciate about Trump is that he’s turning politics on his hair.
Nancy: On his gear. Yeah.
Frank: He’s really saying you don’t have to be politically correct. You can be basically you could be a jerk and get voted in the office. I mean he hasn’t been voted in but he certainly has one something.
Frank: He has won the republican nomination which is a big deal.
Frank: Yeah, yeah. So he’s making it clear that you can be a jerk and so what? So when I hear it being questioned or the issue about whether you vote for him, I appreciate that there’s a jerk out here being a jerk instead of a jerk not demonstrating that he’s a jerk.
Nancy: Suffocating his impulses to get something.
Frank: Or suffocating showing, demonstrating that he’s a jerk.
Nancy: Right, right.
Jeff: Depending on what your definition of jerk is. For instance, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy had jerk tendencies, okay? But they played the game.
Frank: They played the game.
Jeff: hey were elected officials…
Jeff: They were leaders, they were world leaders with what used to be called a taunt which was being able to deal with the rest of the world and yes they did or could have done the same types of things that Trump is capable of certainly since he said that he was capable of doing… Inboth of their cases atleast, some of those things that they did were after they were elected and were in office.
Jeff: If we knew that they were capable of it before they were elected, perhaps they wouldn’t have been elected and that’s where we are now with this jerk, okay?
Nancy: Oh my god…
Jeff: He doesn’t play the game. He’s not been elected. He doesn’t know how to speak. He sounded like a trainman in the debate. He kept repeating himself…
Jeff: …because if you repeat yourself enough, like [unclear] you think that people might actually start to believe you.
Nancy: Yeah, yeah.
Frank: Or even understand you…
Jeff: So you know, the deeper issue if you want to go into this… I always thought up to this point people were voting for Trump because they didn’t want to vote for Hilary.
Nancy: Right, right.
Frank: I don’t think that.
Jeff: I don’t know.
Frank: Yeah, I don’t…
Nancy: Right, right…
Jeff: I don’t know… And if you take enough of the racists, sexists… anti-Islamic folks in this country, that’s a certain cross section of his audience, it’s scary.
Nancy: [unclear] Yeah.
Jeff: It’s a lot of them but this country elected Jimmy Carter, this country elected George W. twice and the rest of the world was on the rise like “what is wrong with that?” So you know, I’m moving to Greenland.
Montique: I’m here.
Nancy: Is Donald Trump classic alpha male or is he something else?
Frank: Or both?
Montique: He’s classic alpha male.
Nancy: He’s classic alpha man.
Montique: He is the alpha man.
Montique: He doesn’t care what you think and he is used to dealing with followers versus friends.
Montique: Okay, so that’s a big reason why he is so honest because he could care less about being liked. It’s about him being followed that he cares about.
Frank: And he also is able to… Well based on his history, he’s never had to just from coming up on his dad… He’s always been on the leader side of things. And after seeing… I’m about to open a can of worms right here—after seeing Birth of a Nation yesterday, and I’m not going to go into debt, that much debt in terms of the movie but after seeing that and seeing how a absolute racist or shall we say a slave master or even a slave catcher, looked out and dealt with, people that they could get away with, looking at in dealing with them in a subversive manner, just as though they were animals… That’s—I could see that in Trump.
Nancy: Yeah, yeah.
Frank: I could see that perspective and that way of just casting your will about and you do what you want to do and these people are not on my level so they get what I give them.
Frank: I can see that in him.
Nancy: Right. Yeah, scary.
Frank: Anything else? Anybody else?
Montique: [unclear]. I would just say to Montique, I would just say that the one thing to keep in mind about alpha males is that they are—they change that moment’s notice, okay? They flip because they’re not looking at other people’s opinion of them to make decisions about themselves. They have introspective moments where something will just make sense and that’s what they’re going to be about. I kind of think that that’s a thing that a lot of people have to look at around Trump is that if he’s not being impacted by the powers that [unclear] I believe kind of Hilary is impacted by, it is some opportunity to some degree because if he’s not being impacted by the powers that big, if he [unclear] himself is making decisions based upon his own perspective, his own POV, there’s a lot more options for him to change than if you are connected to a power structure that already has a clean and clear view of what the future is going to look like and you yourself are a tool to make that happen.
So I think there’s wins for Hilary’s side and there’s also wins on the way people look at it from a Trump POV. I think that’s why so many people are divided is because it’s like are we going to look at Hilary being an extension of the Clinton, the Barrack Obama type of regime or are we going to look at this guy Trump and we don’t know what the hell we’re going to get. So it’s like is it a mystery box or doing number one.
Frank: And which is the best? Or which is the worse? We don’t know either.
Montique: We don’t know.
Nancy: We can’t say.
Frank: Interesting. Nice, nice.
Nancy: Okay, thank you for that Montique. I appreciate you adding that piece about the alpha male because I’m thinking is oftentimes even at the social level, you almost think that the alpha male is the one to go for ultimately and when you say he changes at the drop of a dime, his point of reference or point of view is based entirely on what he wants and how he sees himself, not how he’s viewed by others and not what’s necessarily good for the collective than I think that atleast for me, it has me to think differently about just how attractive long term a person like that would be.
Frank: Yeah, I’ma add… I have a concept that I bounce around regularly in my head and in the conversations where I wonder if it’s possible to truly do something that’s good for yourself without it being good for the collective and vice versa. Can you do something for the collective that’s not good for yourself because everything at some point evens out. So if you’re making a long term decision or if you’re making a short term decision, there are going to be consequences either way.
Frank: And if you’re making a collective decision or an individual decision, if your focus is collective or individual, there are going to be consequences either way.
Frank: Do you have anything you want to throw on that Montique before we get into the nuts and bolts of the interview?
Montique: I guess the only thing I think is important to throw on to it is try to look at what these candidates see as being a success and also trying to see who they’re working for. Are they working for immediate generations or are they working for generations to come?
Frank: Hey, and I mean many of us in terms of the people that are going to vote them in are not thinking about the generations to come.
Nancy: Could be asking the same questions.
Frank: Yeah, exactly. So when do we ever know what’s right or what’s best? And whatever…
Frank: Onward. Yeah, yeah, yeah… So alright, Montique. We’re going to get to the good stuff. But funny enough, I’m not going to ask you the first question. I’m going to ask Nancy the first question. So I’ve never been a woman…
Nancy: Praise god….
Frank: Never had a vagina…
Nancy: Okay, okay…
Frank: Never felt what it’s like to have my vagina stroked…
Frank: When you think about what he said, Montique said initially about “faster”, I don’t even know if you’ve ever said faster. So I’m—when you think about that, how does that rub you? AHAHA!
Sorry, I think I just blew—
Nancy: You’re going to have to edit the speakers.
Frank: I think I just blew out the speakers.
Jeff: The microphone’s gone.
Nancy: Let me see how I want to answer that. So, when he was speaking about what essentially sounded to me like leveraging your weight and using your lingam to create pressure, I’m thinking “Yeah! Pressure is probably more what you’re looking for than speed. And how that pressure actually feels is way more intense and satisfying than if it was just speed. Speed is essentially unsustainable for both partners and Montique I think I know I listened to one of your videos and I think what you were saying is that oftentimes, too much speed then compromises lubrication. So you may be in a situation where you oftentimes women are finding themselves using all these bizarre lubricants that wouldn’t be necessary if the proper stroke was being applied.
Frank: Montique? Anything on lubrication?
Montique: Totally true, tonally true. The biggest issue around why so many women find themselves “drying” during the essential process is not their fault. It is the fault of us as men for not truly understanding how to use our phallus. The majority of the time this happens is for two reasons: 1) the queen just [unclear] on as far as thinking that going faster inside a woman is something that’s going to assist her in building lubrication and having an orgasm and it’s the opposite. When you move fast for the most part, you are penetrating and then you are retracting your phallus and each time you do this, your phallus exposes for lubricants to the air outside of her vagina where the lubrication actually dissipates and then what makes it even worse is you go back in and you pull more out.
So over a sequence of 20 or so thrusts, this woman who might have had like this perfect environment inside of her for an orgasm to occur, is then left barren because of the fact that you think it should be retracted all of the lubrication from her body.
Frank: Does that mean you should not thrust in and out? You should not bring your penis out… at any level? Or that you should just basically stay in there and apply pressure or do you bring it out half way, 75%? 25%? What you got there?
Montique: Well, there’s something that we call essential strategy and for the most part, women are the most advanced technology that our world’s ever seen and for that reason, there’s not one way to make love to a woman. It’s going to be about you understanding the general process to trigger various types of pleasure within her. So if you want to trigger a patrol orgasm or if you want to trigger multiple orgasms, if you want to trigger a G-spot orgasm, if you want to try to help her to ejaculate, to squirt, you’re going to use different sequences. However, there’s no set rules based upon the queen’s interaction with you based upon her body type. We’re going to modify those sequences to fit hers.
This is the whole reason why we really [unclear] the idea of men having an understanding of these sexual synergies and a host of various different strokes. The idea being that when you’re making love with this woman and trying to A her in helping herself accomplish one of these orgasms. You have the capacity to interchange these strokes into what find one that’s going to work with her. The whole idea that there’s one set way to work with the woman is a real broken part of our process.
Real quickly, brother, [unclear] what you said, you asked about the whole concept of extraction when it comes to a thrust and I would say that I am not a big fan of a lot of we call pool stick strokes, so pool key strokes. [unclear] that move all the way out of a woman and then push right back into her because first of all, the entry process that you engage a woman, when you push into a woman… Women can’t stop doing that. Okay? Because it’s an invasive process. It’s only after you have moved into her and what I suggest that you pause for a moment and give her body a chance to naturalize to you, alright?
At that point in time, when you move she is engaged. Her body has gripped around you. It has [unclear] fit around your penis, around the phallus. So when you move at that point in time, you are actually massaging her walls and that is the thing that actually triggers more pleasure within a woman. Massaging the different sequences is what actually triggers different orgasms.
Now, there are times when I would say it’s a good idea to do a full extraction and that is when you are stimulating the clitoris which is really within like the first one, a few inches of her vagina. If that’s your target, then you are going to have to extract. However, in that situation, you are going to be spending majority of your time with the fast part of your phallus outside her body, okay? It’s not going to be a [unclear] thing when you’re actually pumping in and out of her, dragging all of her liquid out, no. if you’re going to be focusing on the clitoris, you’re going to be using the hand and early part of the shaft to massage the first 1 or 3 inches of her vagina to trigger or control an orgasm.
Nancy: And that would—
Montique: There’s one time that you would actually do full thrusting in and out and that is when you are going for an A spot orgasm which is [unclear] basically a couple of centimeters or so away from her cervix. That A spot, it is another spot that you’re going to stay a lot of pressure on. It’s very sensitive. When activated, it’s very sensitive. So you want to have almost like a time period, a time just to [unclear] between each time we engage it. And the other time you want to do full extraction is when you want to leave lubrication from her body. In some situations, women produce a lot, lot, lot of lubrication and you’re not able to build up proper traction against the vaginal walls. In that scenario, you will use that [unclear] stroke to then extract liquid from her body ‘til she gets to a point where you could feel that traction against the vaginal walls in that point in time you continue to [unclear].
Frank: How do you make her squirt?
Nancy: Staying away, right? A lot of what you just said about this whole one to three inches… Like the clitoris is outside mostly and then the G-spot is inside, well yeah it’s inside but not very far inside. So if you take what he just said, you could accomplish both types of orgasm I guess depending on where you put your focus but as I’m listening to you, I’m thinking “but then the man can run into trouble because he’s using the first maybe couple inches of his own lingam which is where his own sensitivity is, so…. Could he get himself in trouble trying to make a woman squirt with his lingam?
Montique: Well that’s the reason why training is so important.
Montique: The concept of you doing these different strategies, it has to be something that comes intrinsic and we really [unclear] the idea of helping to make effective [unclear] through practice, through a fitness program that would actually help this information connect to your muscle memory. Now, when you train your strokes, you are in a position that’s very similar to a plank position. Your body is perpendicular to the ground, your face is perpendicularly, [unclear] ground also.
What’s happening is, this position causes the blood to rush to the pelvic region of your body. Specifically because we add so many different functions and for the breathing and also into the movement of that area. Men have very, very thin capillaries and ancillary capillaries within their pelvic area because that area is what we actually train. So it’s just weak, it’s very weak. So this is the main reason how come we have project [unclear] with the maintenance of control of our blood flow and this triggers issues such as premature ejaculation. It triggers issues such as not being able to stay as [unclear]. It’s because this is an area of our body that’s being neglected a whole lot. So nobody [unclear] and tell me what exercise that triggers or [unclear] that part of your body. So it’s like a trial. This part of our body is very like it’s fundamental. So you do your exercises, your capillaries open. You’re able to pass more blood through your pelvis and you’re able to do something that changes everything and that is you’re able to control your sensitivity.
Now anybody that wants to [unclear] back me on this, I will just say there’s no other part of your body that you use right now as much as your legs and your hands. So take your hands and squeeze it as hard as you can, like make the tightest fist ever, right?
Montique: Now open your hands and press them to the flesh. Do you feel kind of numb that comes?
Montique: [unclear] because of the fact that you control the blood flow. You control the blood flow into your hands. So what you did is [unclear] sensitivity in your hands and you could only do this because of experience and practice you have with making a grip.
What if I told you that your cock is no different? When you have experienced in controlling the blood flow in that part of your body, you can actually change the amount of sensitivity that you [unclear] yourself to feel. So being able to stroke a woman and use the head of the penis, it’s not going to be an issue. You just turn that part off and then when you’re ready to feel more pleasure or you’re ready to climax, you turn it back on and continue.
Nancy: Or you don’t take the plane position.
Montique: No ma’am. Actually, the truth of the matter is is that it doesn’t matter. You train in your plank position.
Montique: But you train in that position to open your capillaries. You are… opening the blood vessels in your pelvis, in your pelvic region, in your [unclear]. So, when you do this, it’s no different than… after you do this, you can use these muscles and any position the same way that you might train your chest doing something like a bench press, right? But you can still use the same chest muscles if you’re doing a dip.
Frank: Just with a different both—
Nancy: You recommend yoga for guys?
Montique: I recommend yoga but not for sex. It’s a different— it’s good for flexibility and it’s also one of the only practices outside of pilates [unclear] that you can focus on your psoas which is the area in your pelvis that’s responsible for [unclear] and for motion.
Frank: So you mention a while ago, early in the interview, you motioned dead lifts as being not the thing to do. Did I hear that correctly?
Montique: Yes. I am against doing dead lifts, heavy dead lifts. If you’re doing light dead lifts, it’s fine but heavy dead lifts, it’s actually is going to harden your psoas muscle. This entire [unclear] the body will [unclear] it can even turn [unclear]. It’s because of the fact that their pelvic muscles have become so hard in just doing some dead lifts.
Frank: And you do advocate for planks, am I hearing it correctly?
Montique: That’s what we advocate for—I advocate for doing strokes yoga exercise but if you’re talking about not doing yoga, if you’re talking about not doing pilates, then doing planks is one of the exercise that you can do to start opening up those arteries, opening up those vessels in your pelvic region. And that’s really going to help you with keep maintaining [unclear] right position and also with being able to reanimate after you climax.
Frank: What are your thoughts on dildos?
Montique: Well I have a women’s program and in our women’s program, we don’t really advocate the use of dildos. It’s really because if a woman doesn’t understand how a man strokes, if she doesn’t understand how to utilize her vagina, her yoni, to use her grip or tightness during sex with a man, then using a dildo is going to train her for in and out pool stick thrusts.
This is a huge issue that I have with men that are taking their storks [unclear] to their woman and it takes them several months to get their woman disconnected from wanting in and out pool stick strokes that dry her out. Why? Because it’s that how she engaged that dildo. It’s created muscle memory in her.
Frank: And what about just the vibrating? Or vibrator?
Montique: Well… You know, the thing is it’s difficult for me again. Just as yourself, brother, to speak on what a woman should and should not do. So for the most part, I’ve never been a woman so I should not say things what’s good or bad for a queen. All I can say is that I really feel as though, it’s important for a queen to recognize their sensual balances and limitations because if you recognize that, then you can just toy to bring you to your peak but not overlap it. Because when you start overlapping it, it starts becoming impossible to find that same pleasure outside of using that toy.
Nancy: What about yoni eggs?
Montique: I’d rather not speak on it because I have friends that sell/use yoni eggs, and I would more to create any issues with them.
Frank: And what about yoni eggs?
Nancy: He’s looking at me now. What about them, Frank?
Frank: What you got? Teach us some. Share.
Nancy: Well I’m just thinking… Wow. So I…
Frank: Well you can take your pick because I’m going to ask you about vibrators also. So…
Nancy: Dildos, toy parties…
Frank: Yeah, yeah. Where you want to go…
Nancy: Oh my gosh… Okay so, first of all, I do… I agree with Montique on some level about the toys, dildos, vibrators. I feel that if—just like he says—if your body starts to get attuned to these artificial stimulants then when you find yourself with a human being, then you’re kind of… you’re not acclimated to a natural response. You’re not acclimated to… I’m wondering now as I really think about it is if the toys can sometimes desensitize the woman and like he says, program the muscle memory in such a way that it’s got to be this particular way where what I’m hearing from Montique is that a woman might arrive at orgasm from a variety of different levels of engagement if she maintains a natural, healthy vaginal environment. So I mention the yoni eggs simply because in my understanding, you use them to break up… what do I want to call it? like congestion in the yoni to develop finer sensitivities in the yoni… you’re using it as a kind of an exercise element, it creates resistance so you can develop strength. It actually has the capacity to tone your inner organs if you take the practice seriously enough which has all kinds of other benefits. So… but the toys where sometimes I’m just thinking “put this thing on yourself?” it’s like vibrating a thousand miles a min—like well how could that be pleasurable?
Nancy: Yeah. It’s like “what?” Oh man, the batteries… You know, so they have what do you call them? Controls where they go up or down but it’s still going too fast and I’m like, no. You’re like bullets and… I’m just like, come on now.
So but that can sometimes speak to the fact that oftentimes, the woman doesn’t have adequate sensitivity herself. I know that Montique has a program for women also where we’re able to develop ourselves and prepare ourselves to take some responsibility in the accomplishment of our orgasm.
Montique: Oh I think about everything you said, queen. I, again, I have some [unclear] things to say…
Montique: …around the yoni eggs but I just don’t—I don’t want to create an issue. A lot of people make their livelihood—
Montique: —on selling yoni eggs and a lot of friends of mine also are very, very invested in the idea of using yoni eggs and also toys. So it’s a sensitive situation but my hope is that some point in time, there can be a more in-depth conversation around where yoni eggs actually emerge and the reason that yoni eggs will be used in our society today.
Nancy: Well I mean the yoni egg is an ancient practice, correct?
Montique: I don’t really want to speak…
Nancy: You don’t even want to talk about the history of the yoni egg.
Montique: No ma’am. No ma’am.
Nancy: Okay, okay.
Frank: Do you have anything, any words, any counselling or anything that you do for gay partners?
Montique: I do not currently have any programs for gay partners. However, I have booked with specifically with lesbian women who are interested in using a strapper one and helping them to kind of intuit to their different stroke strategies. It’s different though because they don’t have the same amount—
Nancy: You can’t feel it.
Montique: —the same ability to feel through the member. But, in general, a lot of the strategies can still work. They just have to be a lot more attuned to her kinetics.
Frank: Okay. This is Frank Relationships, a show for you my brethren who like me, are too young to be considered old and too old to be considered young. It’s also for those of you that love and support us. We’re here to provide weekly wisdom, conversation and the information that’ll help create better parents and partners.
You can find this and our archives shows, they’re well over a hundred at franklove.com on Blog Talk, iTunes and Stitcher.
Is the conventional wisdom around dating a woman or arousing her flowers, candies, that sort of thing, is that good stuff? Is that nonsense? Is it somewhere in the middle? Where do you fall around that?
Montique: Are you asking Montique?
Montique: [unclear] to me?
Nancy: Yes, yes.
Montique: Oh okay. Oh man, like I really kind of feel like first and foremost, the most important thing when you are engaging somebody as far as for dating a relationship, is to focus on where your commonalities are. I’m a fan of giving gifts, however, I’m a fan of giving gifts that kind of communicate something. Now the [unclear] okay I have money, I have a job, I watch romantic comedies, but communicates eyes in reading you and I can intuit that this is something that you’d be into because I listen to what you’re saying and because I appreciate the communications that we have. I’m a big fan of looking into what a woman’s personality type is or a man’s personality type is if you’re a woman and figuring out where you guys match, where there are common interests. I’m a big fan of a woman that thinks like lectures together so that you can find out more about each other.
Let me tell you something… You go to a lecture with somebody around a common interest. In that conversation that you’ve had with that individual following that lecture, you’re going to find out a lot about that person. You’ll find out more about that person doing that conversation that you might be amongst in doing conventional dating. You’ll find out what they think about women, what they think about family. You’ll find out what they think about the economy, what they think about politics. You’ll find out so much because people are more willing to open up and communicate when they know two things: 1) the person that they’re talking to has common interest in that thing and 2) that they are in the company of someone who listens.
Frank: I like that.
Montique: If you can communicate those two things to somebody, you can date several people and you’ll be able to find out which of these folks the one that I want to make friends, which one’s the one that I think I want to do something further with and then which ones I need to get the hell away from.
Frank: That is insightful.
Nancy: Yeah, powerful.
Frank: Like you nailed something special right there, Montique. That was really nice. What’s your story? How’d you get to be the guru of sexual fitness?
Montique: Oh man, my story it’s like twists and turns but for the most part big bro, the thing that really spoke to me was in my wishing at some point in time that my relationship, that I had options… I just felt as though I would… I wanted to be better way that I couldn’t describe. And I wanted to impress my partner in a way that I couldn’t train. I said, well there has to be a better way for us as men to not just stay relevant in our partner’s lives but to have them recognize that we truly care.
This is… you know, just buying stuff for her and being a person just buys things and being the person that is nice. It has a certain limitation to it. but when you can be a person that can lead her body that can collapse your own sensual interests and replace them with hers, you can learn to do things and that’s the thing that can physically satisfy her and when you can take that understanding of her and translate it outside of the bedroom and do things for her life that really helps her recognize that you’re really in her corner, I feel as though that relationships that I’ve had in the past that I’ve lost, I’d been able to keep.
I said, you know what? I want to be able to offer this to people who might be looking for something, looking for an ability to be their best selves for somebody else and maybe I can be that person and be that change, that at some point in time in my life, that I wanted to find for myself.
Frank: Do you think brothers should recommend, brothers who’ve taken your course should recommend your course to other brothers or keep the information to themselves? Or should there be a competitive thing? What are your thoughts there?
Montique: Well brothers, to be honest, that’s how many times [unclear] on that individual’s personality. I do say that I think we as a sex, as a male sex, will get far more understanding and far more problem solving out of our relationships with women as a whole if we can change the way that we engage them on an intimate ad one-on-one relationship level. If we can utilize these stroke skills to communicate with her better in the bedroom, and we can utilize our understanding of who she is as a unique woman with a unique personality to speak with her in the world and speak with her outside of the bedroom, I think in both cases I’ll say, you know what? These guys aren’t as bad as we thought. They can be communicated with so that we can come back to the table and have some of the conversations that we need to have to.
Frank: And what about conversations around multiple partners? What are your thoughts on a man being able to sustain multiple partners because of his stroke skills are, whatever… because he can or even can he? And a woman… the flip for women?
Montique: I believe a woman will be far more… it will be far more easy for a woman to sustain multiple partners with men than for a several women to sustain multiple partners with a man because for the most part… I mean outside the socio-economic issues which I’ll show in more and more that women will be the dominant bread winners within our society, also race within the next 50 years.
Outside of that, it’s difficult to stay on top of keeping a woman having multiple orgasms on a regular basis. A woman’s vagina changes every single day. It changes every day. I mean, weekly it changes a lot but every day is different. So with one night might not work the next night because her vaginal walls are either shrinking or inflating on a daily basis. So that means, the amount of pressure that you’re going to use on a stroke is going to be different. And that a lot of times, if you’re going to change the strokes that you are using, and it’s going to change the sequence of strokes that you are using.
So if you want to give a woman on week one an orgasm, you can’t use the exact same stuff to give them one on week three. So imagine trying to balance that with three different women. Right?
Frank: That’s real.
Montique: That is a talent. Now I’m not trying to say that there aren’t men that do that. A lot of brothers out here that have never had a strokes [unclear] in their life and never will but are naturally talented and naturally gifted with this skill. To be [unclear] that can be from with them just having an intuition for that, but it’s very rare. Right?
Nancy: I was ready to say…
Montique: I would say that if you’re… I would say that having relationships with multiple women, I feel like it is possible if you have really good communication and you can display to them like “Look queen, I’m not going to be able to satisfy you as regularly because of the fact that we are in a situation where I am with other women as well.” So perhaps they might work something out where one of the queens is a [unclear] winner for the month and she’s getting the majority of orgasmic strokes where as the other queens are getting more of that like rejuvenating, like feel-good, [unclear] relax but might not necessarily need him to actually [unclear] more orgasms in all of them because that would definitely be [unclear].
Nancy: So the one who needs to be poly are the women.
Frank: That’s what I’m hearing.
Nancy: Thank you, Montique Stephon.
Frank: Ah, so does that work for you, Nancy?
Frank: Ahh… We’re opening up a new door. You’re listening to Frank Relationships and we’re talking with trainer, motivational speaker and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon. Montique, please tell our listeners what you’re up to and how we can find you.
Montique: Right now, I am currently loading lots of people into my Facebook groups. The one for men, it’s called “Stroke Skills Elite”. The one for women is called the “So Tight Fitness Community”. I’m adding lots of people right now, I’ve opened the doors. These are usually closed very private groups. I’ve opened the doors and I’m letting people in right now so that you can come in so that you can start seeing some of the success that men and women inside of these different groups are having and so that you can start asking questions about how you can start adding these different jewels into your treasure chest. The idea of being… that is if you can recognize what you do well as an individual, if you can understand what your unique contributions are, what your body is excellent at… you can start sharpening those abilities, making it relevant in the bedroom and it will completely change what you think about yourself and what your partner thinks [unclear] your capabilities as a man or a woman.
So again, I’d love all of you to come to add at the men’s group at “Stroke Skills Elite” or the women’s group at “So Tight Fitness Community” and ask questions.
Frank: As a male, what do you suggest males do so that they can hear their partners, their female partners even if she’s not good at verbally communicating so that he can sexually satisfy her?
Montique: He needs to be able to understand their personality type. A big part of what we do at Stroke Skills is we start at an area that most people would never think and that is not even on the physical. We start on the mental plane and we help to train men and women to intuit what other people’s personality types are and then understand how to communicate two of those unique personality types. Because if you can understand how to communicate verbally, then the physical aspect of communication becomes a lot easier. You have an understanding of how they want to be engaged in an intimate level in that scenario you know, [unclear] you have a really good idea how I should go about pleasing this person. And then from there, you basically give the scientific method and just tweak it.
Frank: You got a good book for me? Any good book you’re reading? Read? Suggest? Anything like that?
Montique: Yes, I actually just released a book for men and women that underline the basic concepts around the stroke and its underlying purpose and terminologies. You can find it on Amazon, it’s called “S.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasms”.
Montique: Stroke has a dot between each letter.
Nancy: It’s an acronym.
Montique: [unclear] dot and it stands for Sexually Tactile Rhythmically Organized Kinetic Exercise.
Frank: One more time.
Montique: Alright. Sexually Tactile Rhythmically Organized Kinetic Exercise, S.T.R.O.K.E. And the book is on Amazon. If you go there and search “S.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasms”, this is going to give you the whole theory why stroking is something we need to envelope, to keep to be the new kamasutra, it’s going to change how men and women interact. And it’s going to change the communication because instead of saying “I like it fast” or women saying “I need this type of penis”, men saying “I need this type of behind a woman has”, you can actually dictate to your partner what it is that truly feels good for you and they’ll have an understanding, “Oh okay, I know exactly how to do this for you. I know exactly how to please you.”
We don’t have to toss it up in the air and say “Give it to me doggy style, hard” you know…
Nancy: So does that—
Montique: It’s got to be like, you know just ride it, look at me, no.
Nancy: So then… So then… Size doesn’t matter?
Montique: Yes, it does for a queen. I do. I believe this. And the reason why it doesn’t because men don’t have strokes. Now, when we get to the point where all men have stroke skills or majority of men have stroke skills, size will play a lot less of a role.
Let me explain this… Size for women is a way of communicating what she wants to feel. It’s not about that the actual size. She’s telling a man “I experienced good pleasure in my vagina when I [unclear] man of this dimension.” Alright?
Montique: She’s describing a feeling. She’s describing the feeling because in our society, [unclear] terminology to describe the fact of thing. She can’t say to us right now. She cannot say to us “Well I really enjoy stimulation on my left wall.” But when it comes out, I really like when it moves upwards and then it scrapes against my G-spot.” Now, that’s a completely different thing from saying “I like a 7-inch penis so I ate his penis.” It’s completely different.
One thing another man can say “Oh I got that. I got a stroke for that” right? The other woman, a guy can do nothing about it. All a guy can do is look at his palms and wish he was somebody else. Right? Okay?
Montique: Well that’s all he could do, right? So one way says you know, I am trying to help you learn how you would go about appreciating a woman like me. The other one is you have no time and no space and that is no—you have no capacity to please me. And that’s the fault to it, right? A man can basically generate any type of stimulation or sensation a woman wants to feel in her vagina if he has adequate instruction and has adequate training. If he’s trained his body, if he has stroke skills and has adequate instruction, he can create any stimulation, any sensation that she wants inside of her body. But it does require her to have the means to communicate that.
Frank: That’s powerful.
Montique: And that’s what the book is all about. It’s all about helping us to recognize that there are terms of communication and relate that we can have between one another as men and women that are about problem solving and not about separating and making one part of feeling [unclear] bad about something that they cannot change.
Frank: Got it. You’re listening to Frank Relationships and we’ve talking with trainer, motivational speaker and sexual fitness guru, Montique Stephon. Montique, one more time please tell us what you’re up to and how we can find you.
Montique: Would love all of you to pick up my book on Amazon, the name is “S.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasms”. That’s “S.T.R.O.K.E: The Ultimate Blueprint to Penetration Orgasms”. Also, you can visit Facebook and type in “So Tight Fitness Community” for the women’s group. And then you can type in “Stroke Skills Elite” for the men’s group. In there, you’re going to find thousands of people that has had experiences with stroke skills and sharing information. This is all about a melting pot, sharing different techniques, sharing different strategies, the foundation of stroke skills but the true thing that brings us all together is that we really want to see each other be better. And I can help for myself, I really want to learn what the heck you’ll are doing so I can try that stuff too. I want to have brand new things that I can try in my relationship. I want to have brand new opportunities to satisfy my partner and I want also to share the one that I’m using with the rest of you. In this way, we can stay with the freshest, most innovative concepts in sensuality that ever existed and we can make sure that our partners recognize how much we appreciate them.
Frank: Along today’s journey, we’ve discussed lubricaiton, communication and planks (not dead lifts). Thank you to my co-host, Nancy; thank to Jeff Newman, my engineer; and thank you to my super duper guest, Montique Stephon. You’ve been great. I hope you’ve had as much fun as I’ve had hanging out with today’s ensemble.
As always, it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that I hope you create a relation that’s as loving and accepting as possible.
Let us know what you think of today’s show at facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter at @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. If you’re listening via Blog Talk Radio, make sure you like us there and if via iTunes, make sure you subscribe so that you can receive each week’s show.
This is Frank Love.
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