Men: Is your game lacking? Do you wish you had the swagger it takes to get with that sexy girl you pass everyday on the way to work? And would you like to have sex with two women in one day? Well stay tuned as we talk with dating coach Mr. Locario … on this edition of Frank Relationships.
FRANK RELATIONSHIPS: MR. LOCARIO, AUTHOR OF HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH TWO WOMEN IN ONE DAY
Guests: Dr. Gary Chapman, Mr. Locario
Date: September 22, 2013
Dr. Chapman: Hi, this is Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. Recently I was on Frank Relationships, with Frank Love and Dr. Gayl. What a hoot, man we had fun talking about the Five Love Languages.
You know, I believe you can learn and have fun at the same time. In fact, I believe you learn more if you’re laughing and so, I really recommend that you listen to Frank Love and Frank Relationships.
You know, let’s face it, all of us struggle with relationships. There are answers and Frank is trying to give answers. He and Dr. Gayl are having a great time with each other and you’re going to enjoy the program.
Frank: Welcome to Frank Relationships where we provide a candid fresh and frank look into relationships with goals of acceptance, respect and flexibility. I’m Frank Love and you can find me, my blog and my various social media incarnations at franklove.com.
Once again, I’m joined by my super duper co-host, Dr. Gayl.
Dr. Gayl: Hey, Frank.
Frank: What’s up, dear?
Dr. Gayl: I’m good. How are you?
Frank: I’m great. I swear to you guys, my producer, she contacted Dr. Gayl yesterday and told her that she needed to bring her “A” game to the show to deal with today’s guest.
Dr. Gayl: I’m ready ladies.
Frank: Alright. She wants Dr. Gayl, to leave with his blood on her bat. In fact, she told Dr. Gayl, it’s going to be his blood or her blood on a bat someone, so she gets to pick. Remember when your mom used to say, “You better go outside and fight that child. If you don’t you’re going to come in here and fight me.” Yes. Well, that’s what the producer told her. So, we’re going to see how this goes. This might be an interesting show.
Dr. Gayl: Very interesting. I can’t wait.
Frank: Could there be a painful or costly break-up in your future? According to most relationships statistics, the answer is likely yes, but that doesn’t have to be the case and my new and now available book, How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship, I reveal what couples and individuals can do to create a more fulfilling relationship or to end those that aren’t working in a friendly manner without suffering emotional, financial and family ruin that major break-ups can cause.
Yep, it’s a lot more than a break-up book. How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship guide you through every stage of your romantic partnerships, helping you have the tough and important conversations that most couples avoid. Whether you’re beginning a whirlwind romance, seeking to improve your marriage, looking to gracefully separate from your partner or talking to your teenager about relationships, this is the book for you, now available at franklove.com or at Amazon.
Today’s guest is a dating coach, author, actor and rap artist. What?
Dr. Gayl: Why you looking at me?
Frank: The brother does it all. His goal is to give men and women the knowledge, truth and confidence to understand what they want. Thus, helping to create the best options for themselves in love and in life, but what separates him from other relationship gurus is his no nonsense realistic approach to the dating game and the game of life. No nonsense, realistic.
Dr. Gayl: Right. I was thinking, “Is that the word?”
Frank: Well, that’s my kind of guy. I’m learning about him, but frank, no nonsense, real, frank.
Dr. Gayl: We’ll see.
Frank: We’ll see. He’s written two books, How to Have Sex with Two Women in One Day. You like that title? You got to talk to the mic. You can’t just look at me. Don’t just get paralyzed.
Dr. Gayl: I know we need cameras in here today, right, on my facial expression?
Frank: Yes, and It’s Your Fault you’re Single, both of which been made into movies also.
Dr. Gayl: Wow.
Frank: He is Mr. Locario. Welcome to the show.
Locario: Hey, how you guys doing? Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.
Dr. Gayl: I’m excited to hear what you have to say, Mr. Locario.
Locario: You’re going to love it. You’re going to love it.
Dr. Gayl: Okay. We’ll see.
Frank: Tell us, why did you write, How to Sex with Have Two Women in One Day?
Locario: Basically, I wanted a book that was going to help guys to have more options in their dating lives. A lot of guys don’t have options, meaning they don’t have a number of different women that they can go on dates with and they can have sex with.
A lot of guys take what they can get. I wanted to give guys a little bit of an edge to really go out there and have a little more options–to basically get what they want. And actually, what happened with this book was, I wrote a free book called, The Magnificent 10 Crucial Dating Tips for Men.
Frank: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dr. Gayl: Right. It was titled what?
Locario: It’s called, The Magnificent 10 Crucial Dating Tips for Men. It was like a really short book, a really short read and I put it out for free. Once I put that out I was getting a lot of emails from guys, and what happened was in a lot of the emails they were asking me, “Hey, how do you have sex with multiple women,” or “How do you get more girls,” so that was the theme. Then, I was like, “Hey, my next book should be about that, since I’m getting so many emails about that topic.”
Dr. Gayl: Now, what personal experience could you possibly bring to the topic of your book?
Frank: Which one?
Dr. Gayl: How to Have Sex with Two Women in a Day. And why stop at two, since he’s putting it out there? Why stop at two?
Locario: You don’t have to stop at two, but the thing is I’ve actually had experience doing that. Back in the day, I used to do back in those days. I used to date a whole bunch of different girls and I’d had so many girls that I could go and see and have sex with, so I’ve done that. You’re not going to basically do it everyday, but the thing is, you have the options to do that. You know what I’m saying?
It’s like someone who’s a rich guy, he can buy 10 cars. He doesn’t need 10 cars. He doesn’t have to, but he has the option to, because he has that money. So, I’m giving guys the skills to have the options to have a whole bunch of girls.
Dr. Gayl: Now, Mr. Locario, let me ask you this, what is the problem with these men that they have to have dating or tips from you?
Frank: That’s not fair.
Dr. Gayl: As to how to get women, because I remember that stand-up–was it Chris Rock? He was like, “Women get offered sex everyday by multiple men,” right. You see a man on the street, he’s like, “Hello,” boom. He’s offering you sex.
Dr. Gayl: So, what’s the different with men? Why?
Locario: The thing is that as men, we have to work for everything that we get. I’m saying, women will be able to have sex any time they want. If me and you went out to a bar tonight, you can get a guy to have sex with you quicker than I can get a woman to have sex with me. You know what I mean? That’s just the way it is. Guys have to actually learn how to attract women. Women are going to get men to have sex with them.
The problem is, women have issues with keeping men around. That’s the thing. Women can have a guy have sex with her all day, but that’s usually a women’s problem is trying to keep them. Bbut the thing is, the guy has to work–
Dr. Gayl: So then, what’s the guy’s issue?
Frank: He’s a guy, according to him.
Locario: He’s a guy, because women aren’t going to just do things with a guy. You understand? A guy has to approach her. Then he has to be himself, do what he does in order for the woman to want to stay with him or a woman who wants to have sex with him. So, a guy has to actually initially do something. A guy always has to do something and–
Dr. Gayl: Your book has nothing to do with relationships? It’s just how to bang them out, two a day and keep it moving?
Locario: No, no the book is mainly to get guys to a point where they can have sex with women, but the thing is that, a guy has to have that experience first in order for him to even really choose someone who’s good for him, because a lot of times what happens is guys end up choosing women who they just settled with. Some girl he met in high school or college that–
Frank: Women do the same thing all the time.
Locario: Of course, women do that too, because they’re not actively choosing guys who they really like. They just choose whoever approaches them and guys who have no skill just take whatever they can get. This is why you have people who settle in relationships, because they don’t have the skills to get the type of person that they want. That’s why I teach people, generally.
Frank: Is there anything women can get out of your book or books?
Dr. Gayl: Please, enlighten us.
Locario: This book, if they’re reading, How to have Sex with Two Women a Day, they’re just going to figure out what guys are thinking, that’s what they’re going to get, which is good. I think more women should understand what guys are trying to do and what guys are doing to try to attract them, so that they have a different prospective. I think a lot of women don’t really know.
Frank: I want to hear what guys are thinking.
Dr. Gayl: Right. I want to hear what guys are thinking, because you know.
Frank: Break it down. Let me get the Lucario version.
Locario: Right. The thing is, guys mainly are just thinking about how they can have as much sex and fun with women as possible and then later on, figuring out, “What do I want to do next?” A lot of guys go through a stage, call the player’s stage, where they want sex, have sex with multiple different women.
This is why I’m getting emails from guys, saying, “Hey, I want to learn how to have a whole bunch of girls and a different girl every night.” Guys would go through that stage and then later on they grow out of it in most cases where they want to be with just one woman. But what’s good about this is that when a guy has the skill to date different women, he has a skill to be able to choose a woman that he really wants.
If a guy’s in a long-term relationship, or if it’s a woman–the best guys to be in a long-term relationship with, are the guys who used to be players, because they’ve already been there, done that. They’re less likely to cheat on you or less likely to be with other women later on in life. But the guy who’s never really been with any other girls, he is the guy you got to look out for, he’s the most likely the candidate who’ll cheat on you, because he’s never done anything.
If he’s only been with you and some other girl just looks at him, he’s going to be tempted even more, because he’s never had that experience. You understand what I’m saying?
Dr. Gayl: Is that true, Frank?
Frank: Well, let’s see where the next question takes us. Is cheating and having multiple women, is that something you tell women that is a bad thing or you tell men is a bad thing? How do you weigh-in on that?
Dr. Gayl: Or do you think women should expect it? Do you think women should expect her man to cheat in a relationship? It just comes with the territory.
Locario: No, this is what I think. I think that a person needs to understand themselves and where they’re at and then bring that into the relationship. For example, if a guy, take myself for example, I told my girlfriend, “Hey listen, I want to have–”
Dr. Gayl: You have a girlfriend?
Locario: Well, I have a fiance now.
Frank: Just one?
Dr. Gayl: Does she know that you wrote these provocative thoughts?
Frank: No, it’s a secret.
Locario: My, my–
Dr. Gayl: Thought-provoking books?
Locario: She my fiance now, but the thing is when we’re talking about dating multiple people, cheating or whatever, people have to be honest with where they’re at. If a guy is dealing with a woman, he needs to say, “Hey listen, I’m dating you, but I’m also dating other women.” I always tell guys to let women know what’s going on, so if a woman actually agrees to be with him, she is either agreeing, knowing this knowledge.
It’s not anything like a surprise to her or “Oh, my God, I didn’t know you were doing this. I didn’t know you were with other people. I thought it was me and you.” None of that is going to really go down, because she’s on the same page as the guy.
Frank: I can respect that.
Locario: Yeah, we don’t have to lie.
Frank: Where do you fall in terms of the cheating?
Locario: Yeah, I don’t–
Frank: Or what people call cheating.
Locario: Right. I don’t think people should cheat. If you say, “Okay, I’m going to be in a monogamous relationship,” you should try to keep that promise and be monogamous. But like I said before, you got to understand who you are and where you’re at.
So, before you even decide to commit to somebody, you can say, “Hey listen, I like being with you, but at this time right now, I can still be with you, but you got to know I might want to still be with other people.” And then you might want to do an open relationship thing. That might be what you want and what you need at the time and either that person can accept it or reject it.
It’s all about really being honest and being authentic with who you are and then being that way with other people so that they can make an informed decision of either, “Hey, I want to continue to be with you or not.” So, you don’t have to go through a whole bunch of cheating or other stuff.
A lot of times people will get cheated on or they cheat, because they feel like they can’t comfortably be themselves. They say, “No woman is going to accept that I might want to date other women while I’m with one girl.” They feel like they need to lie and cheat and do all this other stuff.
Dr. Gayl: Is the sex with two men–I’m sorry, with two women in one day–
Frank: Well, see–
Locario: *(inaudible) 14:53
Dr. Gayl: The unconscious is always the tattle tale, right?
Frank: Uh-huh. We know what’s on your mind.
Dr. Gayl: Right.
Dr. Gayl: Now, sex with two women in a day, does that lead you up to or help you learn how to be in a monogamous relationship?
Locario: I mean, it helps you learn about it subconsciously in a way. This is what it is: a dude–a guy, he’s going to understand himself better through the relationships that he has. He’s going to say, “Okay, I like girls who do this. I don’t like girls who are like this. I’m figuring out the type of woman I like physically and personality-wise.” So, if a guy says, “Hey, I actually want a girlfriend or I actually want to get married one day,” then he’s going to choose correctly. A lot of guys don’t choose correctly, because they don’t have the options to choose correctly or they don’t know any better.
It’s like someone who eats McDonald’s all day and they’re like, “Oh yeah, McDonald’s is great. It’s so good,” but it’s all they’re surrounded by so they settle for McDonald’s and they don’t know that there’s better food out there. If they had the option–
Dr. Gayl: They don’t know there’s a Chick Filet around the corner.
Locario: Right. They have all these different restaurants then they say, “Okay wow, this restaurant right here is the best and I’m going to continue to eat here, because it has better food.” It’s the same thing with dating a lot of women. A lot of guys don’t date around and they never have that option to pick a good wife or pick someone who they really, really want, which also makes cheating a more prevalent thing, because guys are just settling with women. They’re not really marrying the woman they want to marry.
Frank: A few minutes ago, you said something to the effect of, “it had tried to be monogamous” in the sentence. Do you think people are monogamous or they try to be monogamous?
Locario: I think most people try to be monogamous. I honestly believe that human beings are not monogamous, naturally. I think monogamy is more of a social construct. But I feel like even though it’s a social construct, I think that two people can choose to be monogamous. Even if a person cheats, you’re choosing to cheat. It’s like a choice to do that. You can choose to do whatever you want, but even though your body or your feelings are telling you, “Hey, I want to be with other people sexually,” or whatever, you can still choose not to do that and be monogamous.
Frank: Tell us about confidence. How does it play a part in the Locario prospective?
Locario: Oh yeah. Confidence is where it all starts. A lot of guys out there, they lack confidence, so this is why they have trouble with women, because I have a saying. It’s, “Expect affection but accept rejection.” Basically, what that means is, I always expect that every woman that I talk to wants me. That just how my mind works.
Frank: I understand. I understand. I really do understand. That’s not funny. That’s real.
Locario: Right, but the thing is I’ll expect–
Dr. Gayl: That just tripped me out.
Locario: Right, so I except that even though I accept rejection.
Dr. Gayl: How does that help you, Mr. Locario?
Locario: That really helps, because that’s where it starts from, because a guy has to believe that he’s that awesome, that women want him like that.
Dr. Gayl: Where did you find this pool of men with low self-esteem that can’t get dates and want to sex everybody that they see?
Frank: Your ex’s?
Dr. Gayl: Yeah, right.
Locario: Well, they’re all around and a lot it also has to do with guys are getting misinformation from a lot of people. They’re reading books that’s telling them to buy women flowers or they’re listening to their sisters or mom.
Dr. Gayl: Oh, they tell them to be romantic.
Dr. Gayl: That’s a bunch of B.S.
Locario: That doesn’t work for them. So, then when it doesn’t work, they’re confused and then they get insecure, because they’re basing their worth off of the reactions that women are giving them.
Dr. Gayl: Well, what are they supposed to base off?
Frank: Hold on, wait, wait. I got something I want to throw in here. I was watching a show the other day. That’s the first time I’ve ever seen it, probably be the only time I ever see it, Marrying the Game?
Dr. Gayl: Yes.
Frank: And the game is a rapper and he is in this episode. He was kind of trying to win back the mother of his children. Apparently, they had split–
Dr. Gayl: Yeah.
Frank: They were going to get married, but he was trying to win her back, so he took her to the beach and then they went out on a date. Initially, it seemed as though he was like I said, trying to win her back or trying–
Frank: To prove that he could be “a good man.” But as they sat there at the table he kind of flipped the script and I appreciated the script being flipped, because I wasn’t with the whole trying to win her back thing. That didn’t make sense to me to be trying to, just be your self.
Dr. Gayl: Well, you didn’t even have the backdrop, Frank.
Frank: Okay. Yeah, I said I didn’t have the backdrop.
Dr. Gayl: Okay.
Dr. Gayl: Go ahead.
Frank: Eventually he said, “Yeah, you basically–” She’s older than him. How much older than him is she?
Dr. Gayl: I don’t know, but doesn’t she look like way older than him?
Frank: I mean, she looks a little older. I’m not going–not way older.
Dr. Gayl: I mean she looks good, but you know.
Dr. Gayl: Yeah.
Frank: She was basically asking him when he was going to step up and man up that kind of thing. And he basically said, “Look, when I started this relationship, I was in another place. When our first date, I brought a .45 with me.” And he was at the point now where he felt as though she had raised him, which was–
Dr. Gayl: Well, didn’t she think she had raised him?
Frank: Yeah, they both thought it.
Dr. Gayl: Yeah.
Frank: They seemed to both agree that she had raised him and I couldn’t, I can’t relate to that kind of dynamic.
Frank: But it is what it is. They both agreed and that’s what happened. And he said, “At this point it’s time to let me fly. Let me do, let me be myself. I don’t need raising no more. You either going to roll or you either going to roll by chilling, sitting back and not acting like you mentoring me all the time or you’re going to just bounce.”
Frank: And I appreciated that. I’m not with the constantly trying to woo a woman and that sort of thing.
Locario: Right, exactly.
Frank: Be yourself.
Dr. Gayl: Well, that was a bad example, Frank.
Frank: Was it?
Dr. Gayl: It was horrible, because–
Frank: I’ll take that.
Dr. Gayl: The thing with them and what most women, I will admit do, is that, you try to change the person or the man that you’re dating.
Dr. Gayl: He has enough qualities that you can work with and then the qualities you feel like he doesn’t have, “Oh, I can change him.”
Frank: Change him.
Dr. Gayl: Yeah. “I can help him be who I want him to be–”
Dr. Gayl: And at the end of the day, it doesn’t work out. So, that’s what was happening with them.
Locario: He was probably following his woman, *(inaudible) 22:26 do that. It’s not a good idea.
Frank: Or the producers of this show telling them, “You’ve got to woo her–”
Frank: And woo, woo, woo and that–
Dr. Gayl: And that wasn’t him. He’s not a wooer, so she was trying to make him do something that he isn’t accustomed to doing. So, That’s never good. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s anything wrong with wooing a woman, because you want to be–
Frank: Of course you don’t.
Dr. Gayl: But you want, but listen to this Frank, you want to be wooed at some type of way, don’t you?
Frank: Do I?
Dr. Gayl: Of course you do.
Frank: How do I want to be wooed?
Locario: I think its okay to do certain things for a woman who is your girlfriend or your wife from time to time.
Dr. Gayl: Let me tell you, he doesn’t even think its okay to do that. Okay.
Frank: That. Oh, God.
Locario: I’m not saying that you got to bend over backwards, but once in a blue moon, if a woman is your wife or your girlfriend, it’s okay to do certain nice things for them, because they earned that. They’ve been with you for awhile, but if it’s a girl you just met and this is where a lot of women *(inaudible) 23:31. They think they’re entitled to something. “I just met you and I’m supposed to roll out the red carpet.” That’s where it kind of gets messed up and that’s when they don’t end up getting to wifey status at all, because they’re expecting something from the beginning.
Frank: I’m taking the Dr. Chapman approach. Dr. Gary Chapman, and The Five Love Languages and he’s saying basically, you fill up there love tank and when you fill up their love tank, they are naturally going to reciprocate. They’re going to take care of you, because they’re taken care of.
Frank: I do see and you know–
Dr. Gayl: And so what’s wrong with wooing and flowers?
Frank: We’re talking about, The Five Love Languages–
Dr. Gayl: You know?
Frank: Flowers is one of the gifts that–
Dr. Gayl: If she appreciates gifts and she appreciates flowers and you appreciate physical touch, why not reciprocate that?
Locario: *(inaudible) 24:26
Dr. Gayl: Did I get you?
Frank: You got it.
Dr. Gayl: Did I get you? What? Let me *(inaudible) 24:28. I got Frank this morning.
Locario: You’re saying buying flowers for a woman you just met on a date, like the first date. Is that what you’re saying?
Frank: No, I’m not saying that.
Dr. Gayl: No, he’s saying in a relationship. However, I’m saying, but I’m saying what’s wrong with buying flowers for a woman on a first date? What’s wrong with that?
Locario: Nothing. That’s doing too much.
Frank: That’s just–
Locario: Way too much.
Frank: It’s some first date protocol junk that may–
Dr. Gayl: I’m not saying you have to do it every time with every woman, but what is wrong with that? Let me ask you, Mr. Locario, at what point do you start displaying or showing any type of affection or that you’re interested? How did you get to be engaged? At what point did you say, okay she’s worthy of flowers and more than–you know?
Locario: When she–
Frank: More than penis?
Locario: When she becomes my–yeah exactly. When she becomes my girlfriend she gets all that other stuff. When we first–
Dr. Gayl: But how do you work your way up to that point though?
Locario: When we first meet or when we’re first dating, my presence is the gift.
Dr. Gayl: Oh, my gosh.
Frank: I like that.
Dr. Gayl: Seriously.
Frank: I’m with him.
Locario: The fact that I’m sitting there and talking with you is–
Dr. Gayl: Talk about narcissistic.
Locario: No, no, but you have to understand this and always say this to women is that–and I say to men also who are insecure about everything is that most relationships–I’d say like 90 percent of relationships only occur, because the man made it happen, meaning I approached you. I talk to you, I set up the date. Like most women don’t approach men, most women do not set a date. It’s all starting from the guy. Of course, you have to choose whether you want to see the guy, but that would have never happened unless the man approached.
Locario: When I’m on a date with you and I’m having a conversation and we’re talking and we’re getting to know each other, just my presence is already a gift enough, so I don’t have to bring anything else to sublimate–
Dr. Gayl: Oh, my gosh. You need to stop.
Frank: I like that.
Dr. Gayl: I really cannot with you, my presence is enough.
Dr. Gayl: Sir, sir you sound like someone–well you sound like you coach very insecure men, so to say that your presence is enough. Really? That’s a bunch of B.S.
Locario: You know what I’m saying–
Dr. Gayl: No, but it is.
Locario: No, why?
Dr. Gayl: No, but it is, because if it wasn’t–no listen.
Locario: When I first meet a woman–when we first meet each other. A guy meets woman, they go on a date. They are going on a date to get to know each other, to see if they want to continue seeing each other.
Frank: I agree.
Locario: So, if I’m buying you flowers or I’m buying you candies, I’m doing something extra, that’s me saying that there’s something else I have to do in order to make this even.
Frank: Other than just being myself and for us to talk.
Dr. Gayl: It’s just a display of a nice gesture.
Frank: What did you bring him?
Locario: Right, exactly. What does the guy get?
Dr. Gayl: It doesn’t matter. The presence of a woman is enough.
Locario: Okay, so the presence of a woman, so how come the woman’s presence–
Dr. Gayl: You damn right. The presence of a woman is enough, because you’re the one out here trying to coach these insecure men on how to get more than one woman in a day.
Locario: But listen to what I’m saying, if the woman’s presence is enough, then why isn’t the guy’s presence enough. This is exactly what I’m saying.
Frank: She can’t answer that.
Locario: She could bring flowers is saying that his presence isn’t enough. This is why there are so many insecure men, because they think that they need to do extra stuff.
Dr Gayl: No.
Locario: You know what I’m saying?
Dr. Gayl: Get this; I’m not saying that it’s a must. I’m not saying that at all. I’m just saying what’s wrong with, if you meet a woman or you meet someone that you’re extremely into and attracted to, what’s wrong with taking a flower? Are you that daggone broke that you can’t take a flower?
Frank: He didn’t say nothing about money.
Dr. Gayl: No, but he threw money in.
Locario: No, no. Listen to what I’m saying. What’s wrong about it is the psychological ramifications of that.
Dr. Gayl: Oh, my gosh. I can’t–
Frank: Don’t get her talking about psychology too.
Dr. Gayl: Right. The physiological ramifications.
Locario: Let me tell you what that would be, because the fact that–and you just said it, you said the woman’s presence is enough and the guy should bring flowers. So, he’s bringing something extra, because his presence isn’t enough. Even for example, if you think about for example, if a pimp has–
Frank: Bring it home.
Dr. Gayl: Really? A pimp?
Locario: Listen, listen, listen. if a pimp has sex with one of his hoe’s, his hoe has to pay him to have sex with him, because–
Dr. Gayl: Because he’s a pimp.
Locario: No, no listen, but that’s not what I’m saying. Listen to what I’m saying.
Dr. Gayl: It’s a relationship.
Locario: Hold up. Listen to what I’m saying though. Listen to what I’m saying.
Dr. Gayl: You better make it good, Mr. Locario.
Locario: Listen, when you have sex with someone, you basically have them on an equal, you both are equal. You both lying in the bed, you’re doing your stuff, you’re on equal playing field.
The pimp cannot be equal to his hoe, so therefore the hoe has to pay him to show that he is above her. This is why, so that makes it uneven. When a guy brings a woman flowers or does all this other stuff, he’s showing that, “Oh well, her, she’s above here and I’m below here, so I–”
Dr. Gayl: There is no hierarchy in a relationship. You are so wrong.
Frank: I appreciate what he just said.
Dr. Gayl: I bet you would. But you know what my daddy told me and this is so true?
Frank: Oh, boy.
Dr. Gayl: The reason that you bring flowers to women is, because women are the prize. Men are not the prize, women are the prize.
Frank: I disagree completely.
Locario: No, no, no. This is the thing. I believe that a person, man or woman essentially has to believe that they are the prize, but objectively speaking, the man is the prize and I’m going to tell you why, because–
Dr. Gayl: Oh my gosh. I can’t with you. I feel sorry for your poor fiancé and Frank, you know how I feel about you.
Locario: No, listen, listen. Like I said before, how does a woman get to go on a date?
Dr. Gayl: What do you mean, how does she get to go on a date?
Frank: He initiates it.
Dr. Gayl: That’s not always the case, sir.
Frank: Okay, hold on. Can we get a time out? I got to cut to my commercial.
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You’re listening to Frank Relationships. We’re talking with Mr. Locario, dating coach, actor, author and rap artist. His goal is to give men and women the knowledge, truth and confidence to understand what they want, thus helping create the best options for themselves and love and life. Please tell our listeners how they can find you and your work.
Locario: Yeah, you can definitely find me at mrlocario.com or my blog site ilooksexynaked.com or you can hit me @realmrocario, which is my Twitter.
Dr. Gayl: That’s like one of those email addresses when you’re in college and you have to give your professor your email address. And you give him, ilooksexynaked.com.
So listen, Mr. Locario, let me ask you this, what is your sample population for your outcome data?
Frank: Oh, my God.
Locario: Are you saying like coach or like–?
Dr. Gayl: Yeah, who did you coach–right sample data. Who did you coach?
Frank: She’s got a Psy.D., so she’s just trying that she knows something about something.
Dr. Gayl: So who’s your sample pool? Where do these guys come from? What are their demographics?
Locario: Right. Most I would say about 60 percent of the people that I coach are men and 40 percent are women.
Dr. Gayl: How many people? Was it like five and were they five of your best friends or were they like–
Locario: People who I have coached personally is probably about in the hundreds personally. But the people that send me information–like send me questions who will respond to–people who watch my videos, read my books, whatever, it’s it’s a large number of men and a large number of women. But I’d say it’s like 60/40. Sixty percent men and 40 percent women, so that actually takes the advice or anything like that. And it’s probably between ages 21 to about 45.
Frank: Why are you asking him that? Why?
Dr. Gayl: Because it’s important. That’s–
Frank: To who? For what?
Dr. Gayl: Because when you read research you want to know how valid is it?
Frank: Well, how valid is it? If you didn’t know that, how valid is it?
Dr. Gayl: Because there is a difference and if his population came from five of his five best friends verses a hundred or two hundred–
Locario: No, no, because I’m talking to–
Dr. Gayl: Random sample, random people. You know what I mean?
Locario: I’m talking to a general audience of people from all across the globe. It’s like a big sample pool. But generally, men are going to have certain issues and women are going to have certain issues that they pretty much all go through across the board.
Everyone is going to have an individual, different issue but all across the board when I’m talking to a general audience, there are certain aspects of being in relationships that most people can relate to or most people need help with. It helps a large number of people with the stuff that I provide and that I say. But the thing is, I come at it from a realistic, a more realistic prospective than most people.
Dr. Gayl: So, give us your quick and dirty realistic prospective.
Frank: That’s what he’s been doing.
Dr. Gayl: We’re in a bar–set it up for us. We’re in a bar–
Frank: You and him?
Dr. Gayl: Well, you know I’m kicking it with my girls or whatever–
Dr. Gayl: You come in–
Frank: Chitchatting about men and how bad they are and-
Dr. Gayl: No, no.
Frank: Yakkity yak.
Dr. Gayl: We don’t do that.
Frank: You don’t do that?
Dr. Gayl: No.
Frank: What do talk about?
Dr. Gayl: I talk about other things other than men, sir.
Frank: Like what? What else?
Dr. Gayl: Look, we’re sitting up a scene, then Mr. Locario–
Frank: Yes, we are.
Dr. Gayl: Mr. Locario–
Frank: So, what are you all chatting about?
Dr. Gayl: It doesn’t matter, Frank. Mr. Locario comes in–
Dr. Gayl: And boom, what happens? You scope out the scene and what happens?
Frank: Oh, wait a second
Frank: Before Mr. Locario gets there. They got to–
Dr. Gayl: The more you perform before Locario came in. You came in Frank and then you tried to get with me and I was like, “Hell no,” and so then Mr. Locario comes in.
Frank: As I was saying, they got to argue about the check. They got to figure out whose paying what, They–
Dr. Gayl: That’s what you and your boys do. We don’t do that.
Frank: They don’t want to pay the check. Girl you had 50 cents more alcohol than me.
Dr. Gayl: Seriously, don’t try and play us like that. Go ahead, Mr. Locario.
Locario: But, so you’re saying you’re at a bar with a couple of your friends and I come in and I’m trying to get with one of your friends or get with you or something like that?
Dr. Gayl: Right, right. What happens? How do–
Locario: Yeah, so basically, I tell guys when they’re going and talking to groups of women and stuff, that it’s best to get the attention of the whole group. Introduce yourself to everybody. First figure out who you want in your head first and then talk to the whole group. Get the group involved in a conversation and then you pull the girl to the side that you want and then that’s when you let her know, “Hey, look here’s my number, give me a call. I want to see.”
It’s about getting in there and then getting the whole group comfortable with you and then pulling the girl aside, because the thing is first people aren’t going to act how they really want to act, when they’re around in front of their friends. So, that woman that you like might act funny, because her friends are watching her. So, you have to pull her aside before you even make any other move. But normally you’ve got to make the group be comfortable with you, because if they’re not, then they’re going to have [hot] 37:25 blockers and certain girls are going to hate already, because–
Frank: You miss some valuable steps.
Dr. Gayl: I was going to ask you, since you give advice to men, especially–
Dr. Gayl: Particularly men with low self-esteem that are afraid to approach–
Frank: Why do you keep–
Dr. Gayl: Beautiful women in a group. What’s your advice on approaching women in a group?
Frank: He just gave you–
Locario: Yeah, that’s what it is. In a group you have to get the whole group involved first before you make a move–
Dr. Gayl: And then you horn in on the one that you really want?
Locario: Right. Right.
Frank: But you’re missing something, Mr. Locario. You missed a very important step in all of that.
Frank: When you’re talking to the group, you may have your eye on one that you find to be the most attractive, but you also have to pay attention to whose feeling you, because you got to weigh your options. If the one who you’re interested in is not paying you attention, but–
Frank: There’s one who is giving you lots of attention, you got to decide whether you’re going to–you got to take a chance.
Frank: Whether you’re going to pull up the one who you find attractive, who may not be interested in you and then you’ve blown your opportunity, most likely, with the one whom isn’t interested in you. Or will you just go for the one who’s interested in you? You missed that.
Locario: No, you have to go for the one that you want first, no matter what.
Dr. Gayl: And then when she rejects you, you go for the one–
Frank: No, you can’t do that. You can’t do that.
Locario: You could. That’s why you got to pull the girl away from her friends first.
Frank: But that obvious. Then you’re making it obvious, which one you want. I’m not saying–
Locario: No, but that’s what I’m saying, it doesn’t matter at the end of the day, because this is a thing. If you have game and know who to talk to the woman, you can talk to whoever, whenever to make it happen and have that certain outcome.
For example, if you start talking to the girl that you first really want and she wasn’t feeling you and then you talk to the other one, like you were saying that was kind of checking you, but that’s like the second choice, you pull her aside–
Frank: She has to be attractive. She can’t be–
Frank: Somebody you were completely unattracted to.
Locario: Exactly. Right, right, exactly. You pull her to the side and then you start hollering at her saying, “Hey, listen you know, I didn’t want to say nothing before, but I was really attracted to you,” blah, blah, blah and then she probably saw you talking to the other girl and was like, “Yeah, I was asking your friend about you or whatever.”
Frank: That’s game. That’s too much game for me. You got to weigh your–
Dr. Gayl: Because you have none.
Frank: Options. You got to weigh your options from the beginning.
Frank: Because they got the social–they got the thing going on where they the second one doesn’t want to be second.
Locario: Doesn’t want to be second.
Frank: So, you’ve got to just keep that in mind. It helps to keep that in mind.
Locario: Right, but there’s the fact that they’re all second, so it doesn’t make a difference.
Frank: I like that. That’s real. All of them second, because we are all second in everybody. All of us are second.
Locario: Right, exactly.
Frank: Ain’t none of us are first and all that. What you got to say, Dr. Gayl?
Dr. Gayl: I think it’s all crazy.
Frank: You trying to tell me what I just added to his dating scenario was crazy? You cannot be serious. You have been in a situation with your girlfriends, after you bickered about the check and seen a situation where a guy comes over to the circle. You’ve seen that unfold, there’s no question about it. Give me my props.
Dr. Gayl: The thing is, you can come over, but we’ve already decided and determined who wants him and who’s going to talk to him, so just because you came over and you tried to holler at me or whoever else, that doesn’t mean that we are going to reciprocate it and want you.
Now, I will say this, that’s going to mess up both your game. The one that you want may go out with you for entertainment, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be a second date. She just might do it just because.
Frank: That doesn’t mean he’s going to want to go on a second date with you. He might get to know you.
Dr. Gayl: It doesn’t matter. He was the one that approached her.
Locario: That’s the thing though. The thing is that women usually don’t know what they want, like ever or *(inaudible) 41:45.
Dr. Gayl: Are you serious? I’m going to exit this show right now. I can’t take it.
Locario: No, let me–
Dr. Gayl: I cannot take your narcissism, sir.
Locario: No, no, no. This is what I’m saying. Let me explain this to you, because you were saying like before guy–
Dr, Gayl: Overshadowed by insecurity.
Locario: No, no, no, you were saying before the guy gets there, that you all already decided who wants this. So, let’s say, “Oh, I don’t even like this guy, he sucks or whatever.” And then I go talk to your friend and then you see your friend having a good time and now all of a sudden you want me now. That’s how it works with women.
No matter what you say or what you’ve been, this is why I try to tell guys is that, this is why so many guys are insecure, because they’ll listen to what women are saying and a lot of times women don’t know what they want and they don’t know how to get them. So, a lot of guys will listen, ask women for advice on how to get women, which is ridiculous, because women got to know who to get y’all. It’s not going to–it doesn’t even matter.
My thing is that for a guy, he has to understand himself and understand what he wants and then go after it no matter what and figure it out that way, because a lot of times a woman will say, “Oh, I’m not into this guy,” and then all of a sudden, she’s all in love with the dude. I see this everyday.
Frank: I concur.
Dr. Gayl: Sir, the only reason I let you talk and explain all that is because it sounded so ridiculous, there was no point in me commenting on it, okay.
Locario: You’re taking notes. You’re like, “Oh, this is interesting.”
Dr. Gayl: Notes from you?
Dr. Gayl: Notes from you or Frank, I think not.
Frank: She’s got her–
Dr. Gayl: I’m good.
Frank: I can read the notes to you that she just took down, don’t sleep. I’m here in the studio with the–
Dr. Gayl: Don’t even.
Frank: Okay, you have some advice as it pertains to the man. The phrase, the man–
Frank: Tell me about being the man. Well, let me say this much–
Frank: I don’t need you tell me about being the man. I am the man.
Dr. Gayl: Only in your house. That it stops there.
Frank: I got several houses, one of them happens to be this radio station, where I am the man too.
Dr. Gayl: Which clearly you are not the man up in here.
Frank: Thank you. Uh-huh. Alright, the man. Yes, yes, yeah.
Locario: Basically, in my book in the first chapter, How to Have Sex with Two Women in a Day, it’s titled, Being the Man/Becoming the Man. What that basically man who knows that he can attract women and a lot of guys they don’t think that they can do it. So, I talk about thinking and believing that you are that man and reprogramming your mind to understand that. That’s basically the starting point of where you get your confidence, where you understand that you are the type of guy that women want and are attracted to, because a lot of guys have the reverse thinking. They’re like, “Oh, why would a woman want me and I’m ugly,” or I’m this or I’m that. It’s like getting all that negative programming out of your head and then reprogramming your mind to understand and believe that you are the dude that can do that. It’s that type of thing that’s building your confidence up.
Frank: You got any social media dating tips?
Locario: Oh yeah, definitely. Actually, I actually came out with an audio program for men called, The Easy Way to Date Online. I tell guys different techniques or whatever. One of the things I tell guys is when you’re online and you’re sending messages to women, your first message in most cases, should basically be a copy and paste message. Something general, you can switch it around a little bit, depending on the woman, if she says something in her profile, you might want to mention. You can add that to the copy of the message.
But generally, I tell guys to do copy and paste messages and don’t waste time doing individual messages, because a lot of times online dating sites, women are getting so many messages that they won’t even get to your message. So, it doesn’t make sense for you to waste time writing an individual message to each woman. You do a copy and paste message and when the woman choose to write you back then you can have that conversation with them.
Frank: So, basically don’t spend a lot of energy on a lot of women.
Frank: Spend a little bit of energy on a lot of women and then the ones, who respond, give them more energy.
Frank: How about dressing, your attire? How do you suggest a man dress or even model how they’re going to dress? Where do they get that from?
Locario: Right. Basically, I tell guys they have to try out different clothes and outfits that make them feel good, because in my book I talk about, people have different tips of, “Ohm you know you should dress this way. You shouldn’t wear this shirt. You should wear these pants,” or whatever. It’s not necessarily in what you’re actually wearing, but it’s about how you feel about what you’re wearing, because some guys try to mimic a certain type of dress style, because–
Frank: And it’s not them.
Locario: They may not be comfortable. Yeah, they might not be comfortable in it. So, if you’re not comfortable in it, you’re going to act like you’re uncomfortable in your own skin, which is not attractive.
When you’re out there talking to women, they can sense that you’re not comfortable with yourself and that’s because you don’t really like how you look.
I know I’ll do this. Sometimes, I’ll be in the house and I’ll get dressed and I don’t like what I have on. I’m like, “I don’t really feel like wearing this thing,” and then I’ll change my clothes two or three times until I get something that I feel– yeah this works right now. And then, it makes me feel better about myself and then it projects out into when you actually talking to people and having those conversations.
I think when it comes to dressing, it’s more about trying out different things and figuring out what makes you feel good or what you feel looks good on you.
Frank: I’ve coined my way of dressing. I just coined about 30 seconds ago–urban bum.
Locario: Urban bum?
Frank: Yeah. What can I say? That’s just me. Jeans, t-shirt. I’m good.
Locario: Right, right, exactly, exactly.
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What about building your team? That’s a term that you’ve used in your books. Building your team, what’s that all about?
Locario: Building you team is like the foundation of where you have access to a lot of different women. So, building your team is just when you’re on your way to talking to women and having conversations and going out with girls, your team is a number of different woman who you have access to, to call to see and have sex and go on dates or whatever you want to do.
A lot of guys don’t have a team of women. They don’t have a number of different girls that they can call up. One guy he might meet some girl and then they plan to go out and see each other and if she flakes on him and then he’s not doing anything else with any other girl that night.
A guy who has a team, his one girl flakes, you just call up the next girl, see what she’s doing and then he hangs out with her. And then, if he still doesn’t’ want to go home and he calls up another girl, but he has a few girls in his phone book, that happened because of him actually putting in that effort to go out and talk to a lot of different girls and really get in contact with those girls and make things happen.
Your team is just really a number of different girls that you can call up and see.
Frank: To a degree I can understand and appreciate what you’re saying. However, where we differ is, what you’re saying is basically dependant upon women, generally speaking. And instead of being dependant upon one woman and she flakes, go on to the next woman and then she flakes and the next woman, you can just stay home and just say, “Hey, she didn’t call me back and I’m chilling. I’m staying at home.”
Frank: “I’m watching TV. I’m good.”
Locario: Right, you can do that too. Exactly.
Frank: That doesn’t come up and I think that’s important for people in general to understand that in order to enjoy life or even the dating scene; you don’t have to be on the scene all the time.
Locario: Right, exactly.
Frank: You can be home enjoying a good book. Men can enjoy a good book. Hey, I got one in mind, How to Gracefully Exit a Relationship, but that’s a shameless plug.
Frank: Okay, being in character when dating. What’s up with that?
Locario: Right, in the book, basically in the chapter I’m talking about, becoming the man and thinking or believing that you are that man, basically what I was talking about in character, I was using it as an example of when you see an actor on a movie, let’s say for example, Heath Ledger, when he was doing the Joker or whatever, when he’s in that role of the Joker, he actually believes that he is the Joker, which is why he gives such a great performance, which is why you feel the emotions that you feel when you actually see him as the Joker in that role.
When I’m talking about being the man, is basically you believing and thinking that you are that man, just like how Heath Ledger believes and thinks and knows that he is the Joker, which is why he can come across that way.
When you believe that you’re a confident man who can get any woman he wants and that comes across when you’re actually talking to women. That has to be in your mind seed. That has to be in your being. It’s not something that you just say and you just say it like, “Oh whatever, I can get girls.” It has to be a fact in your mind. At that point when you’re talking to women, this is what you’re doing. This is the mode you’re in.
Frank: But that’s not–
Locario: It’s that type of feeling.
Frank: That’s not being in character, that’s more so being in confidence.
Locario: Right, right, right.
Frank: So, if I was on the scene as needing to get in character, it’s just simply know that, like you said a few minutes ago, the man. Know that you’re the man and do your thing–
Frank: As the man.
Locario: Exactly, exactly.
Frank: Three strikes. Help me out. You talk about three strikes in the book.
Locario: This is for all the beginners at this point, I gave a girl one strike. It’s basically saying, if a girl doesn’t respond to your calls you give her the three strike rule, I call “the ultimatum call.” So, you call a girl. Say you call her once or you text her, once and she doesn’t get back to you. You text her one more time, she doesn’t get back to you. And on the third time, you call her, you text her, you say, “Hey listen, I’m trying to get in contact with you, if I don’t hear from you after this call, then have a nice life. I’m done.” So you end it. She’s either knows, “Like damn, I’ve got to call this guy, because I really like him, so I’m going to call him.” Or she’s not going to call you, because she’s not feeling you. But you win either way. If she doesn’t call you don’t have to worry about it. You ain’t got to think about her. If she does call you can say, “Hey, okay we can make something happen.”
Frank: I’m going to give the Frank Love version of that. Many years ago, I had gone out once with this young lady and it seemed as though she had a good time, I had a good time and all that good stuff. And after that, I called her, she didn’t get back to me.
Frank: Actually, no, I called her and I talked to her and I asked her, when we were going to go out again. And she said, “Ohm I don’t know. We’ll talk.” And then I ask her again and she said, “Oh, I don’t know. We’ll talk. And then the last time, I said to her, “Look, I’ve asked you out again a few times now and each time you basically said, you didn’t know. At this point it’s clear to me that it’s clear to you that I’m interested in you. I’m putting the ball in your court at this point and time. You can let me know. You have my number, You can give me a call if you decide you want to go out or if you don’t call, I certainly understand,” and that was the end of that conversation.
Some time passed and she called me and we started dating and we ended up in a long-term relationship. That’s the Frank version of what you just said. I can get with it at some level. Do you think you’re teaching men to be womanizers? Is that what you would call it?
Locario: No, the whole term of womanizer actually is like a loaded term. One of those things.
Frank: I agree. I’m going to blame the use of that term on my producer. She wrote the question. Alright but, okay, go on, finish it up.
Locario: It’s one of those things where women generally, they think that a guy went out with multiple women or doing all this other stuff, they see it as a bad thing, because a women feels like, “Oh, I want this man to myself. I don’t want other women seeing him or want to feel special,” and all this other stuff. They feel like a guy doing that, is something wrong with it. But a guy should be going out, seeing a number of different women and it shouldn’t necessarily be a word that is–I look at womanizer as the same thing as someone describing a woman who’s–when someone says slut or whore. There’s no words to describe a woman who is sexual, that likes to have sex. That’s positive. It’s always something negative.
Womanizer is like that for men where a guy who wants to go out and date a whole bunch of different girls and see a whole bunch of different girls. It’s like, “Oh, you’re a womanizer.” The only other word that’s sort of positive is like, player, but it’s so negative connotations to player also.
Frank: I got you.
Locario: It’s like hat type of thing.
Frank: How do women typically respond to your advice? What do they have to say about your book and that sort of thing?
Locario: Right. When they hear about how to have sex with you over a day, they’re usually like, “Oh my God.” They have a negative response to it, because they don’t really understand it. It also reflects how women don’t really understand men or what men are interested in or what men are going through or whatever. But my other book, It’s Your Fault That You’re Single: Tips on finding Mr. Right. They gravitate more to that, because it’s about for them to find a guy. But just generally, women when hear my advice, some women can’t take it at first, because it’s too honest. They’re so used to all this stuff, like what Steve Harvey says and all that type of stuff, all that fluffy things. They’re not used to the actual real aspect of what’s going on.
I always feel the reality is what is going to help a woman more than the fantasy. The fantasy just makes the woman feel good, but the reality makes the woman be good and I’m always about having someone be good with what they’re doing and really getting results.
Certain women who hear it and they’re tired of the nonsense out there then they’re like, “Okay, this guy is really speaking the truth, because a lot of the stuff that I say, they’ve been there, they relate to it, they see it happening, so then they say, “Okay, what else can I do to make this work for me,” or “What can I do to really get where I want to get,” because they’ve been going through that cycle of hearing a lot of the nonsense. I bring more of that realistic approach to it.
Frank: And why is it a woman’s fault she’s single?
Locario: Basically, a lot the times women are not in relationships, because of their lack of knowledge of men, but also because of themselves not taking responsibility for their love life. A lot of women are taught to always be passive about everything. They’re just waiting for things to happen to them, instead of actively making things happen for them. That can be a combination of a woman not taking the initiative sometimes.
I see women all the time where women that I coach or women that I meet at an event or whatever and we’re talking, and almost all the time, there’s a guy there that woman’s interested in, but she won’t go up and talk to him. She won’t go up and say, “Hi.” She’s just waiting for him to always make the move and then she’ll get mad that a whole bunch of other guys that she’s not interested in is talking to her. But I’m like, “Look, that guy over you want to talk to him. So, go talk to him.” You can actively do that.
But also there are certain things that women are doing that they don’t realize that they’re doing that’s messing up their chances of keeping men around, because certain women–there might be something in her attitude keeping men away or it might be something that physically that she could work on that can help her improve men being attracted to her. There are just so many different things that women keep to really step back and look at themselves and say okay, “What am I doing wrong in this situation,” because that question has never really been asked to women in most cases.”
Frank: Got it. You’re listening to Frank Relationships and we’re talking with Mr. Locario, dating coach, actor, author and rap artist. Please, tell our listeners, again, how they can find out more about you and your work.
Locario: Definitely, you guys can check me out at mrlocario.com. You can also check me at ilooksexynaked.com and also you can hit me up on Twitter @realmrlocario. And also, my other site, mrlocariotv.com, where I give daily relationship advice.
Frank: Along today’s journey, we’ve discussed being the man, building your team and the concept around being a womanizer. I hope you’ve had as much fun as I’ve had learning about dating, swagger and increasing your chance of meeting women, with Mr. Locario.
As always it’s my wish for you to walk away from this conversation with a heaping helping of useful information that’ll help you create a relationship that’s as loving and accepting as possible. Let us know what you thought of today’s show at facebook.com/relationshipflove, on Twitter @mrfranklove or at franklove.com. On behalf of my producer, Phileta Legette, keep rising. This is Frank Love.
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