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BlogFrequent Sex

February 5, 2025by Frank Love0

Choosing Connection Over Conflict

In my previous blog post, “The Power of Praying for Others,” we discussed how prayer can bring stronger connection to our loving relationships.

A few days ago, I had a deep conversation with one of my baby sisters. She’s not my blood sister, but she’s family to me in every meaningful way. We were talking about relationships—sharing our stories, our challenges, and how we’ve navigated the ups and downs over the years.

During the conversation, she said something that stopped me in my tracks. Not because it was profound in a traditional sense, but because it was so beautifully honest. She told me, “I’ve got fifty years behind me. Most likely, I’ve got more behind me than I have in front of me. And with that said, I’m trying to f**k on every last one of those days.”

An Important Reminder About Maintaining Intimacy

I couldn’t help but laugh. Her words were raw and unfiltered, but they carried a powerful reminder about the importance of not letting the minor irritations of life or unresolved conflicts rob us of those fleeting, precious moments with the people we love.

Her words, while humorous, carried a depth that resonated with me. It wasn’t just about the physical aspect of intimacy—it was about choosing to embrace connection, joy, and presence every single day. It was about not letting the minor irritations of life or unresolved conflicts rob us of those fleeting, precious moments with the people we love.

How Many Days Are We Losing to Minor Grievances?

Her words stuck with me, and they made me reflect on my relationship. How many days do we let pass where we forfeit intimacy and connection in our loving relationships because of anger, frustration, or misunderstanding? How often do we let disagreements or small annoyances build walls between us and the people we care about most? Days that could have been spent holding hands, sharing laughter, or simply being closer to our partner?

Intimacy certainly doesn’t have to be limited to sex—it can be a warm embrace, a gentle touch, a back rub, or even sitting in silence together. Physical and emotional closeness are powerful ways to nurture our relationships, but too often, we let pride or irritation push us apart. How often do we tell ourselves, “Not today,” only to realize too many days have slipped away, leaving us with regret?

How to Shift Your Perspective

What if we reframed our perspective? What if, instead of holding on to anger or letting minor grievances fester, we chose connection? We could remind ourselves: I only have a few days left—proverbially speaking—and I want to enjoy every single one of them to the fullest with my partner.

Thinking about our relationships in terms of limited time can be both sobering and liberating. Sobering because it forces us to confront the reality that life is short. Liberating because it reminds us we have the power to choose how we spend that time.

Instead of clinging to hurt feelings or unresolved arguments, we can choose to prioritize love, joy, and intimacy. We can choose to say, “This moment is too important to waste on anger.”

The Power of Choosing Connection

Life is unpredictable. None of us know how many days we truly have left with the people we love. Letting anger, grudges, or petty arguments steal those moments feels like a loss we can’t afford.

Choosing connection over conflict doesn’t mean ignoring serious issues or pretending everything is perfect. It means approaching challenges with a mindset of resolution rather than division. It means recognizing that the person across from us—the one we’re irritated with—is also the person we love, the person we chose to share our life with.

When we reframe our relationships this way, the little annoyances lose their power. The grievances that once felt so frustrating suddenly seem insignificant compared to the joy and intimacy we could be sharing.

An Opportunity for Connection

How many days are we giving up? How many moments of joy, closeness, and intimacy are slipping away because of anger or pride?

I encourage us to reflect on this with our partner. Let’s have a conversation about what intimacy means to both of us. Talk about the ways we can prioritize connection, even on the hard days. Whether it’s a long hug, a meaningful conversation, or something more passionate, let’s not let those moments slip through our fingers.

Choosing Connection Over Conflict

To my brothers and sisters reading this: I hope you and your partner cherish every day you have together. Lean into the moments of connection. Choose intimacy over anger, love over pride, and joy over grudges.

Life is too short to waste on conflict. The next time you feel yourself pulling away, ask yourself, “Is this really worth it? Or could I choose to connect instead?” Most of the time, we’ll find that connection is the better choice.

Keep Rising,

Frank Love

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Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.

  • Tuesdays – Black Women: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
  • Thursdays – Black Men: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships

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Frank Love coaches individuals who are in (or wish to be in) a relationship toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.

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