Years ago, the idea of being involved with a woman who’d had premarital sex was so scandalous that many men would have avoided her like the plague – at least in public. But in today’s society, are virgins scaring men away?
One of my readers recently asked: “What do men think of virgins? I read they dislike them, because of their lack of experience.”
What do men think about women and virginity? Men are all different, and our thoughts on the topic vary dramatically from person to person. I certainly cannot speak for all of us. But to at least widen the scope, I asked 20 of my male friends for their thoughts, and as I expected, their responses were across the board.
Some saw virginity in adult women as a turn-off, because it suggests they are prudish or withdrawn from their sexuality (possibly because of religious, conservative or other beliefs). Others expressed concern that a woman’s first time is special, and as one friend put it, “Because I probably won’t be as emotional about the event as she would, she should give it to someone who will appreciate it.” He wasn’t the only one who was concerned about emotional attachment. Several worried about the relationship expectations that would come with being a woman’s first.
But some of my other friends agreed that, as long as there is clear communication, being with a virgin can be great. One guy said, “I’m a firm believer that sexual gratification is best experienced when both parties are concerned with pleasing their partner before pleasing themselves. Sometimes women who are really experienced won’t try something different because they think they know everything already.” And another confirmed, “It all depends on the mindset of the person you are with.”
As for me, my feelings on the subject have changed as I
have aged. When I was a late teenager, I had a girlfriend who already had a child. She was a few years older than me, and clearly, I knew before we began dating that she was not a virgin. But, that did not stop me from occasionally dwelling on the fact that she had sex with someone before me. It was never a deal-breaker, but it had an emotional affect on me. Many men (including myself at that time) want to believe we are the only people our mates would have sex with, that we have exclusive rights to goods that have never been experienced by anyone else, and that we are special enough to be someone’s first. But, the mirror is a beautiful thing. I had partners before her, so I needed to release my concept around how a mate “should” conduct her sex life.
In my early 20s, I didn’t care as much whether my partners had previous lovers (I still cared, but less). Then, I dated a woman who was definitely not a virgin, and I definitely didn’t care. We had a great time together, and I certainly enjoyed the fruits of her “prior experience(s).”
In summation, “What do men think of virgins?” Some men prefer them. Others run from their inexperience. And others don’t care one way or the other.
But the bigger question is: What should women – virgins or non-virgins – do with this information? Little to nothing. The partner for you will accept you as you are (whether you have had zero, 10, or 200 sexual partners) because of the value you add to his life. If a prospective or existing partner places more value on your sexual past than what you bring to the table in the present, he is not the one for you, and you are not the one for him.