BlogMy Husband Doesn’t Want Me to Wash Before Sex

July 19, 2022by Frank Love0

In my previous blog, “I Know!,” I talked about how small word choices reflect our sentiment towards our partners and why we need to be mindful in what we say.

Ladies, some of us do not want you to always wash your lady-parts before sex.

I am often surprised at the insight that a circle of friends brings as it relates to the most surprising issues.  In a recent summer evening gathering with a few buddies, several relationship conversations were broached.  But there was one that was particularly hilarious and mind-blowing.  One of us said, “Is it just me or does your wife always want to wash up before sex?  I don’t want her to.  I want her to bring me that thang just as it is.  If it stinks I want it.  I want it au naturale.  Unfettered. Untampered with.”

The collective cracked up laughing.  Who knew that a group of men would feel this way until one of us brought it up?  One of us even doubled down on the sentiment and said, “Hell, if there are particles of tissue down there, don’t worry about it.  I’ll just spit it out and keep going.”  And there was agreement there too.    

What an incredibly fun and hilarious conversation.  But it didn’t end there.  After the initial laughs we began to discuss our reasoning.  Here’s what we came up with.

  1. When she goes to wash-up it throws off the spontaneity of the moment.  It seems as though she is more concerned about how she’ll be perceived if her lady part has a questionable or undesirable aroma, than staying in the sexual moment.
  2. Given that we all want to be loved and accepted in our relationship no matter what we do (and presumably no matter how we present ourselves), in order for that to happen, we get to present ourselves as we are.  In this case, the men were saying that we want you just the way you are … right now. 
  3. We want you to feel good about yourselves.  We are your cheerleaders.  Apparently, some women can be sensitive about their smells.  They can be self-conscious and doubt themselves, their value and their worth.  In a healthy relationship, most of us don’t want you to feel that way.  We want you to know that we are your corner and celebrating you (and your potentially stinky lady parts), all the time.  

It is not suggested that we don’t want our women to ever wash their lady-parts.  However, the unplanned, unanimous sentiment among this group of brothers was that we don’t want our women to feel self-conscious about it and we want our women to be willing to present themselves “as is” at times.

Next time the mood turns sexual and you want to get up and venture to the bathroom to freshen up, if he touches you in a manner that requests that you stay and forgo washing, consider saving the soap for another time … or afterwards.  

If you ladies take this suggested cues/advice, you might find support in a manner that is quite unexpected, and it might be fun too.

Check out a wife’s response to this blog, Pussy (Respectability) Politics:  A Woman’s Response to My Husband Doesn’t Want Me to Wash Before Sex; and provide your thoughts and/or feedback with a comment or with your own guest blog.  I can be reached at Frank@FrankLove.com.

Keep Rising,

Frank Love


Watch Frank Love’s presentation “The Act of Caring.”


Subscribe to receive Frank’s weekly blog.


Become a sponsor of Frank Love and his work creating loving cultures in our relationships with a monthly contribution of as little as $2. Sign up today at Patreon.com/FrankLove.




Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.


  • Tuesdays—Black Women: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
  • ThursdaysBlack Men: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships


–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—– –

Frank Love coaches individuals toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Frank Love Logo

Visit us on social networks:


Visit us on social networks:

Copyright 2010-2022 Frank Expressions, LLC. All rights reserved.
Web Design by The Baron Solution Group

Copyright 2010-2018 Frank Expressions, LLC. All rights reserved.
Web Design by The Baron Solution Group