VideosTurf Wars

4 comments

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  Dionne

  June 11, 2012 at 7:06 PM

  Love this one, Frank! Its so true, they sound like a great couple with one fight in 3 years. Maybe she means its the first time that they fought over this subject…. 🙂

  I learned something interesting a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to share with you. I was looking at this reference book on biblical principles, and it talked about removing irritations from your life. The book said that irritation is a sign that God is trying to work on your character. It suggested that you thank God for the irritation, and then ask what character trait God is trying to work on within you, based on the biblical principle that “the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” So, maybe the irritation is a sign that you need to be more patient. So apparently, irritation is an opportunity for God to work that out, and once you allow Him to work within you to resolve those irritations they go away. If you don’t, they show up in another person and another form for Him to try again to work on it with you. What do you think? 🙂

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  Janis Leslie Evans, therapist

  June 12, 2012 at 9:21 AM

  Good topic, Frank, one that we can all relate to as coupled humans sharing territory. Whether it’s 3 years of marriage or fifteen, we continue to negotiate physical, as well as emotional turf. Since I’m home more in the evening, my husband is missing his “quiet time” when he gets home. It’s not that I’m making noise or talking him to death. It’s that his emotional turf or wind-down time has been interrupted by my new schedule. We are adjusting fine but I know that it’s not easy and I’m willing to compromise by maybe “disappearing” for a while some evenings to give him his time and space. I can run an errand or take an evening power walk. It’s not just about me, it’s about us striking a balance by honoring each other’s comfort levels and need for space on one turf.
  I love your comment, Dionne. Patience is the key as we adjust to each other’s little foibles that can be irritating. It all about love and acceptance that in turn improves our character. Thanks.

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  Dr. Glen H.

  June 12, 2012 at 3:25 PM

  Great commentary, Frank! Humbly and respectfully, speaking as an individual/marital therapist, you speak QUITE well to this issue…it is one of the most significant difficulties in marriage/couple relationships. The finest of marriages/relationships are able to display less of an unhealthful spirit of one-upmanship and competitiveness. It is in learning to love each other in the healthful spirit of True Honesty, promoting of True Happiness and True Freedom, but most importantly, needing less and less to hide behind. It is in acceptance that each individual has the RIGHT to feel the way they feel…yet learning to lovingly avoid significant levels of co-dependence. It is in the truly benevolent, empathetic, and altruistic spirit of doing the right thing for the right sake, without the need for selfish recognition or hidden agendas.

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  Steve N.

  June 19, 2012 at 11:18 AM

  Mr. Love, I enjoyed your comments on Turf Wars and wanted to share what has been an incalculable blessing to me and the clients in my practice. It is something my mate shared with me. We were having a disagreement, a ‘turf war’ about something, I forget what. She turned to me calmly, as I was in the midst of ‘feeling right’ and while staring sweetly at me she said, “would you rather be right, or would you rather be friends?”. Her response stopped me in my tracks. I had to search my heart, deeply, to respond. After a moment, I said, honestly, “I’d rather be friends”. I am reminded of that moment and her comment whenever I feel I need to be ‘right’. All else seems to fall into place, then. I realize that she truly has my best interests at heart. Joy, Steve

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