When questions come up about raising children, look back to the good examples your parents set.
My pops won’t leave me alone. These words may appear unappreciative; however, I am very grateful. If you have been reading Frank Love over time, you probably know that I have a great deal of respect for my father—the time that he put into my growth and development, his insights, and simply who he is as a man. Some of this appreciation has been captured in the previous blogs “Upon Father Reflection” and “Manage the Pain; Love the People.” Here is a new reflection.
Teaching Responsibility vs. Being Generous
My youngest son is driving now. He has always been independent and resourceful. And as soon as he came of driving age, he earned his license. Now he drives around the city in a vehicle periodically. To his credit, he also works and earns money. He worked as a lifeguard this summer, and he has also been working for me for some time. He’s a sharp young man, and I am proud of him.
Now that he is driving, naturally he is using gas. “Dad can you Cash App me $20 so I can get some gas?” he sometimes asks. And I happily have done so. Recently when he asked, I thought to myself:This boy works and makes good money so he can pay for his own gas. I know this because I’m often the one who pays him. But I quickly rethought this when I reminded myself of how my father raised me.
Setting an Example of Parental Generosity
I started driving at a pretty young age. I was probably 16. Of course, as I moved around the city, I used gas in whatever vehicle I was driving. Like my son, I had a regular job and earned money doing various odd jobs.
My father had an Exxon credit card he used to buy gas. He was not one to put $10 into the gas tank when using the gas card. He was usually a “fill it up” person. When I was riding with him and gas was needed, I’d get out of the car and fill up the vehicle. No questions were asked related to how much to spend. I’d get the receipt and then we were off to wherever we were going.
One of the questions my father regularly asked me when I had somewhere to go in a car was, “Do you need the gas card?” I often did. And he would hand it over without hesitation. He certainly lightened my load. It was great. I’d fill up, bring the card back to him, and I was off to my destination.
Witnessing Generational Generosity
When I was growing up, I also saw and experienced my father and his mother spending a great deal of time together. My father was self-employed and had the resources and flexibility to include my grandmother in his days. One of the questions they regularly asked each other was, “Do you need any money?” There were times when both said yes. There were other times when both said no. There were never times when either of them was concerned that they were being lied to by the other. They loved each other and insisted on extending themselves to one another.
Witnessing my father and grandmother interact was humbling and inspiring. They showed me the importance of being there for one another, unconditionally.
A Lifelong Commitment to Parental Support
When my son checked in with me about gas money, I thought about his resourcefulness and independence. However, my load was lightened and any dissonance was eliminated when I reflected on my father’s unconditional love and how he made his resources available to me in an unlimited fashion. He still does this to this day. While he doesn’t ask me if I need the gas card anymore, he offers and gives me money when he knows that I’m traveling. His love and support easily overrode any hesitation as to whether I should extend this kindness and act of love to my son. Thus, my response to my son was, “Sure. Send me a CashApp request.”
I am happy to report that my father (still) won’t leave me alone. He’s persistently advising me and showing me how to move forward as I handle an array of situations.
At 51, it’s a blessing to still have my father (and mothers) with me to lead the way. His presence inspires me such that all I must do is think about how he did and continues to support, raise, and advise me. Afterwards, I often know what to do.
Moving forward, I have easily come to a place where my son has unlimited access to gas money and whatever resources I can help provide him with, within reason. This is simply how I was—and am being—raised . . . in a very loving fashion.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
In my next blog post “What’s the Block?” I will share my experience of working through personal blocks.
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Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.
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Frank Love coaches individuals who are in (or wish to be in) a relationship toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.
One comment
Ericka
September 30, 2024 at 12:38 PM
That was beautiful!