10 Tips for Being Present in Your Relationship
In my previous blog post, “Throw Them Away,” we discussed moving past labels and building skills to strengthen our relationships.
It’s a few days into the new year, and I’ve been reflecting on 2024. The lessons. The challenges. The missteps. One of the actions I’m committing to doing more of in 2025 is showing up.
Showing up is another way of saying being present. For me, it usually means physically showing up.
Why Showing Up Is Important
There were quite a few times in 2024 when I didn’t have all the answers or a clear path, but I physically went to the place where an event was happening without a plan or a contact. I showed up, without having all my “ducks in a row.” Often, those appearances led to connections, opportunities, and outcomes that were absolute, hands-down victories. Wins that I assuredly could not have attained if I had stayed home feeling unsure of how everything would work or even that it would work.
Being Present Is a Work in Progress
Just in case it sounds as though I have mastered the art of showing up or being present, I haven’t.
Just as there were victories, there were missed opportunities. There were people who I could not reach via email. Maybe my email went to their spam folder or maybe the recipient just didn’t respond. I subsequently did not reach them and didn’t move my respective initiative forward. There were also times when I stayed behind my computer, having convinced myself that emails or phone calls would suffice. I missed chances to connect in person, to take that extra step toward making things happen.
Lessons Learned From Failure
It is also worth noting that I didn’t hit a home run every time I showed up. There were several times I showed up, ready to make something happen, and I ended the day feeling like I had wasted my time.
However, despite the emotional depletion I may have experienced, those non-home-run days were not wasted efforts. They were, in fact, productive uses of time. They were learning opportunities. They were research—if I wanted to net insight from those experiences.
Showing Up Is About Making a Commitment
2025 is different. This year, I’m reminding myself—and now I’m reminding you—how critical it is to show up. When I can’t reach someone by email or phone, I can visit their office. If I think there’s potential somewhere, I owe it to myself, my family, and my community to show up physically and energetically.
It’s not always convenient. Sometimes, like on a rare snow day here in D.C., I’d rather stay cozy inside. But showing up isn’t about convenience; it’s about commitment. It’s about being present, making an effort, and creating opportunities that wouldn’t exist otherwise.
So I ask you: When are you showing up, and when are you not? When do you stop at “I tried” and let an opportunity slip away? Maybe you sent an email, left a voicemail, or shot off a quick text, and when there was no reply, you let it go. What would happen if you decided to go the extra mile instead?
10 Tips for Being Present in Your Relationship
If things are challenging in a relationship, let’s show up. If you and your partner are repeatedly butting heads, make sure you are also repeatedly showing up.
Showing up may be or may look like:
- Practicing Active Listening
- Give your partner your full attention during conversations.
- Avoid distractions like phones or multitasking.
- Reflect back what they’ve said to show understanding and validation.
Example: Instead of formulating your response while they’re speaking, focus entirely on their words and emotions.
- Expressing Genuine Interest
- Ask meaningful questions about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
- Show curiosity about their dreams, goals, and day-to-day activities.
Example: Instead of a generic “How was your day?” try “What was the most exciting part of your day?”
- Cultivating Physical Presence
- Engage in nonverbal communication, such as making eye contact, smiling, or holding hands.
- Be physically affectionate in ways that your partner appreciates.
Example: A simple touch on the arm or a hug when your partner seems stressed can create a strong sense of connection.
- Being Mindful of Time Together
- Schedule quality time that is uninterrupted and meaningful.
- Focus on shared activities that foster connection, such as cooking, hiking, or playing a game.
Example: Dedicate an evening each week to a “no phone” date night.
- Managing Distractions
- Set boundaries with work, social media, or other distractions that may interfere with your time together.
- Use technology consciously, like putting your phone on silent during meals.
Example: Keep phones in a separate room during a conversation or activity.
- Validating Emotions
- Acknowledge your partner’s feelings without dismissing or trying to immediately fix them.
- Be empathetic and let them know their emotions are valid.
Example: Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal,” try, “I can see how that would upset you.”
- Sharing and Being Vulnerable
- Open up about your own thoughts, feelings, and fears.
- Let your partner into your inner world to build intimacy.
Example: Share something that made you feel proud, scared, or excited, and invite them to do the same.
- Practicing Gratitude
- Acknowledge and express appreciation for your partner regularly.
- Focus on their positive traits and contributions to the relationship.
Example: “I really appreciate how you made time for me today—it means a lot.”
- Engaging in Shared Mindfulness Practices
- Meditate together, practice yoga, or take a quiet walk.
- Create a shared routine that brings calm and focus to your relationship.
Example: Start each day with a short moment of gratitude or a shared goal-setting conversation.
- Addressing Conflicts with Presence
- Stay calm and focused during disagreements.
- Avoid defensiveness and genuinely seek to understand your partner’s perspective.
Example: Instead of interrupting, say, “I want to hear more about how you’re feeling before I respond.”
Recommit to Showing Up in the New Year
As we step into 2025, let’s commit to showing up—for ourselves, for our goals, and for the people we want to serve. Let’s make this the year of action and presence. Let’s hold each other accountable and make 2025 the year we truly show up.
And that’s loving.
Keep Rising,
Frank Love
In my next blog, “Treating What Matters as Truly Important: A Path to Purpose in 2025,” I will share some tips on how to better align our words and actions on what and who we value in our lives.
Watch Frank Love’s presentation “The Act of Caring.”
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Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.
- Tuesdays – Black Women: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
- Thursdays – Black Men: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
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Frank Love coaches individuals who are in (or wish to be in) a relationship toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.
